Patient: “I want a copy of my father’s insurance card. It expired.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have a copy of that.”

Patient: *Upset.* “How can you not have it?!” 

Me: “You don’t have it; how do you expect us to?!”

I’m at a blood draw clinic. The front desk lady, who is also the lead phlebotomist, has maybe one s*** to give, which she is holding onto tightly. Her name means “beautiful” in another language, so I’ll call her “Beautiful” for this story.

Person #1: “Oh! I forgot my ID. Can I still check in, go get it, and come back? If I’m not quick enough, you can put me at the end of the line.”

Beautiful: “It’s not a long wait; I’m not sure you have time. There are other people waiting, too.” *Points to me*

Person #1: *To me* “Is it okay with you?”

Me: “Yeah, sure! Good luck!”

I check in.

Beautiful: “I don’t know what she thinks she’s doing. I’ll be surprised if she’s back.”

[Person #2] checks in, but [Person #3] arrives and starts hovering and trying to butt in. Beautiful ignores him.

Person #3: “I’m just trying to ask about my chart.”

Beautiful: “Sir, you need to back up. I’m currently helping someone.”

Person #3: “But it is a quick question.”

Beautiful: “No, it isn’t. I would have to close out of [Person #2]’s file and open yours. [Person #2] also has a quick question, but your harassing us has made it take longer. Put your name in line, and I will get to you. You aren’t skipping the line today.”

Person #3: “But it’s a quick question.”

Beautiful: “No.”

Later, we are still waiting. I’m not watching the clock, but I don’t think it’s long.

Person #3: “I think I’m next.”

Beautiful: *Clearly busy typing* “No.”

Some time passes.

Person #3: “Okay, so, I’m next, right?”

Me: *From across the room* “DUDE! You know you aren’t next. The people who work here have a lot to do to help us all, and harassing them doesn’t help.”

Person #3: “But I just have one small question.”

Beautiful: “Are you trying to have your blood drawn?”

Person #3: “…maybe?”

Beautiful: “I’ll help you soon. There are other people waiting.”

Person #3: “But two people have come out.”

Me: “There is another guy in there, there is the girl if she returns in time, then me, and then the other guy. And then you. You know this.”

Person #3: “But the girl isn’t back. I should get her spot.”

Person #1: “I’m back! Am I too late?”

Beautiful: *Smiling* “You are right on time! Thank you for being so considerate.”

[Person #3] said nothing else while I was there.

I work at the information desk at a hospital. One day, a patient comes up to me, tells me she is being discharged, and asks me to call for a van from an organization that works to support those experiencing homelessness with transportation and other services. 

I call the number, and it ends up being a very time-consuming, chaotic experience as I end up on hold for quite a bit, and then I have to keep going to find the patient to pass questions along from dispatch. The patient goes outside for a smoke, then to the gift shop, etc. I finally get it all sorted out and go for my break. 

When I get back…

Coworker: “While you were gone, the van came for that patient. Not only was she nowhere to be found, but the folks from [Van Organization] gave me her last name, and when I looked her up and called the unit, they told me that [Patient] was very much not discharged whatsoever!”

Hours later, the patient comes by. 

Patient: *Mumbling* “You can cancel that van.”

I have since learned to always check in our system when patients ask me to call for a ride, just to double-check before inconveniencing people or sending someone away before they are medically discharged!

My first granddaughter owes her existence not least to the idiocy of her grandparents who failed to tell their daughter properly that the medication she had to take to suppress (read: reduce the frequency of) epileptic seizures interfered with the [birth control] pill.

Her grandmother couldn’t (and still can’t) cope with the illness, and her grandfather (me) was too embarrassed to talk to his daughter about sex and contraception.

Our venue is rented each year by the local Kidney Association to put on a show by a very talented local Elvis impersonator. It is always a hit, and you would be amazed at how excited some of the grandmas — and even great-grandmas — get at the thought of it. You would think the King himself was going to be on our stage.

I was working in the box office the afternoon before last year’s show when an elderly woman and her daughter came in to purchase tickets to both the show and the meet-and-greet beforehand. After they received their tickets and turned away from my window, the mother somehow got tripped up by her cane and took a tumble into one of the retractable stanchions by the door.

I looked out to see my manager at their side with the first aid kit. I called for an ambulance while she kept the mother calm and applied a bandage to a small wound on her temple (caused by the edge of her glasses). While I spoke to emergency services, my boss tried to make her comfortable on the floor of our lobby.

While all of this was happening front-of-house, the band had been on stage setting up for that night’s performance. It turned out that someone must have run down and let “Elvis” know that he had a fan down in the lobby; the next thing we knew, the man himself had left the stage and was sitting on the lobby floor. He sat by the mom’s side, holding her hand in his, and making jokes about her going to such lengths to meet him one-on-one. Soon, she was smiling and laughing, their undignified position on the floor completely forgotten.

When the EMTs arrived, I went out to meet them, but I had to warn them:

Me: “I’m not sure how much help you’ll be now. I think Elvis has already saved the day as far as the patient is concerned.”

They checked her over, and other than a couple of bruises and the cut from her glasses, the mom was fine. She absolutely refused to be taken anywhere for further treatment, declaring that having met “that nice young man”, she certainly wasn’t going to miss the meet-and-greet or the show. She had a fabulous time, and she got special attention from “Elvis” during both, which made her glow.

The Kidney Association continues to do its annual fundraiser with us, and our impersonator friend even flew in for the show this year, taking a couple of days off from a months-long booking in Hawaii to keep his yearly date with our local grandmas. That is one artist who is not willing to let his fans down.