CONTENT WARNING: Violence (Threats, Suggestion Of Sexual Assault)

It is currently hot as balls in our state, so even with the AC on, we are all very uncomfortable at the checkout lane near the constantly opening doors. Since we’re a small store and don’t have a set uniform (we can wear any top as long as it’s black), I am currently wearing a sleeveless top.

An older man in my checkout lane seems to not be too impressed that I — a young woman — wish to be comfortable for my own benefit.

Customer: “Typical. All you girls say you don’t want any of this attention, but I see you go out wearing all these tiny and tight outfits, showing off as much skin as possible.”

Me: “Sir, it may be hard for you to believe, but I wear what I wear for my benefit, not yours.”

Customer: “Always the same defense, but the truth is that you have a choice to dress revealingly or not, and every time you choose to, you’re asking for it. You girls really are asking for it.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, do you want me to hold your items while you run back to our auto section to get a bike helmet or some protective headgear?”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! I don’t need one of those!”

Me: “Oh, I just assumed since you’re not wearing protective headgear, you’re basically asking me to smash your head in with a hammer? I mean, you’re not wearing one, so you must be asking for it, right?”

Customer: “That’s… that’s…”

Me: *To my coworker in the next aisle* “Hey, do you have a hammer I could borrow? I promise to be real quick.”

Customer: “That is not what I meant, and you—”

Me: *Fake speaking into my walkie-talkie* “Security to checkout, security to checkout. Oh… and bring a hammer.”

Customer: “Dumb f****** sl*t!”

He stormed off, leaving behind his shopping.

I’m on lunch from my shift at the grocery store, and I go across the street to the coffee shop to get some much-needed coffee and a snack. I’m standing in line, and the woman in front of me notices my uniform.

Customer: “Oh, you work at [Store]. I was just there; it’s so busy!”

Me: “Yeah, everyone’s buying last-minute items for Mother’s Day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m glad you’re getting a break from it all!” 

Me: “That’s an interesting pastry you’re getting.”

Customer: “Oh, yes! I love it. Have you never had it before?” 

Me: “Oh, well, I don’t normally come here, but I’m working a double today, so I thought I’d get myself a treat.”

Instead of getting three of the pastries (for herself, her partner, and their kid), she buys four. I don’t think much of this as I zone out a little and check all the text messages that came my way while I was on my shift. As I’m about to order my coffee, the woman hands me the fourth pastry.

Customer: “You’re doing a great job, and I wish you the best for the rest of your shift!”

Before I could process what had happened, she darted off toward the exit and left with her partner and kid. I weakly shouted out a thank-you before I realized there was a $10 bill on the counter that the barista said had been left for me to order whatever drink I wanted.

That was the nicest thing a customer has ever done for me, and she wasn’t even my customer!

I have just told the customer that I cannot process their refund without a receipt.

Customer: “I know the manager personally. It’s [Manager]!”

Me: “Yes, that is the manager’s name, but you still can’t get a refund without a receipt.”

Customer: “You’re gonna make me call him? You really don’t want to do that! I know him personally!”

Me: “You’re welcome to try.”

With that, I get my phone out and stare at it.

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m [Manager], so I’m waiting for your call.”

Typically, I cook all the meals for myself and my wife. The exception is on Fridays when my wife has the day off, but I work at a different site and so get home relatively late. The normal routine is that on Fridays, my wife will go to the store to get food for the week and then cook dinner Friday night. I handle meals from Saturday through Thursday. 

My wife is about five months pregnant with our first child and is experiencing a bit of “pregnancy brain”. 

I am on my way home from work and call my wife once I hit the highway like I typically do. 

Me: “Hey, honey, how are you feeling?”

Wife: “A little tired, but mostly all good.”

Me: “Sounds good. Is there dinner at home, or were you too tired? I can stop somewhere on my way home if you like?”

Wife: “No need; there is dinner here. All good.” 

I finish my drive home and come into the house to find my wife on the couch snacking on some cookies and watching TV. 

Me: “Hey, love, did you already eat?” 

Wife: *Happily* “Yep, I already ate. Thanks for checking on me.” 

I figure maybe she just got hungry early and there are leftovers somewhere. I clean up, change out of work clothes, and then go looking through the fridge. Not only are there no leftovers, but there is nothing from our weekly grocery list, just some snacks and junk food.

I start trying to cobble together some version of a nutritious dinner out of snacks and non-perishables from the pantry when, suddenly, I hear from the other room:

Wife: “OH, S***! YOU NEED TO EAT, TOO! I FORGOT!”

Once we stopped laughing, I had my junk food dinner, and we decided it was probably time to go through the chore list and make some pregnancy adjustments.

Customer: “I got some stuff from my baby shower registry that I had with you guys. I got a bunch of stuff I don’t actually need, and a bunch of repeats, so I’m here to return it.”

Me: “Do you have receipts?”

Customer: “Duh! No, they were gifts!”

Me: “What’s the registry name?”

Customer: “So, here’s the thing. I never actually set up an official registry with you guys, I just made a list from your store.”

That would explain how she got some repeat gifts.

Me: “So, no registry and no receipt? If that’s the case, I can attempt an ID return for you.”

I run an ID (no-receipt) return for her. She’s already maxed out on what she can return without a receipt.

Me: “It looks like you’ve already returned two $200 car seats without a receipt at another location.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “It means you’re maxed out for now.”

Customer: “That’s so awkward! Can I return it under your ID?”

Me: “Uh… no. I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Customer: “It’s not like it’s costing you anything!”

Me: “That’s technically fraud, ma’am.”

Customer: “Whatever. Just use my boyfriend’s ID. I got a picture of it on my phone.”

Me: “That won’t work either; he needs to be here.”

Customer: “You’re making this so awkward!”

Me: “Any chance you could ask your friends for a gift receipt?”

Customer: *High-pitched squeal* “tHaT’s So AwKwArD!”

Me: “Then I can’t help you unless you want to return for store credit.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s so awkward. Why are you making this so awkward?”

Me: “I assure you it isn’t me doing it.”

She storms off in a huff. She is back a few hours later with her mother and her ID.

Customer: “Here, can I return this now?”

Customer’s Mother: “Wait. Didn’t I buy this gift for you and the baby?”

Customer: “…”

Customer’s Mother: “…”

Me: “…awkward.”