I was doing random transportation jobs on Craigslist back in 2014.

Customer: “Hi. I need my two-story house moved on Memorial Day weekend. I have three couches and three bedrooms worth of furniture, and I need the kitchen emptied.”

Me: “Are you sure you want to be moved on that weekend? The price will be really high.”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the only weekend I have off!”

Me: “I’ll definitely need someone to help me move all of that, and I’ll need a lot bigger truck than the one I’m using. You’re looking at a minimum of $500 if not more.”

Customer: “Wow, really? I can rent a truck myself and save myself half of that!”

Go ahead and do that.

I work as an Office Manager Jack Of All Trades at the local fire department. It’s not uncommon to get odd requests from busybodies and town gossips looking for information on fire and ambulance runs.

This particular morning was a doozy for these types of calls, and then this one came in.

Me: “Fire Department. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I need to know how it started.”

Me: “Can you please give me some more information?”

Caller: “The fire from a few months back; I need to know how it started.”

Me: “Normally, our Fire Marshal handles these requests. I will forward you to his number. But first, are you the property owner or resident, or with a lawyer or insurance company?”

Caller: “I’m just a citizen of this county, and I need to know what started the fire to win a bet. If you don’t give me the cause, I will have you fired. I’m your boss since I pay for your salary.”

Sure, buddy, you’re my boss since you live in the county and I work for the city. It doesn’t work that way.

I forwarded his call to our Fire Marshal and hoped the caller didn’t leave a message.

I was at a rather popular big-name retail store looking to get a game that had been released that day. I had to wait for the sole cashier at the store’s electronics department to be finished with a couple of customers before they could get me the game from behind a locked glass door and then ring me up. All of a sudden one of the customers decided to get on his phone for… too long.

The cashier noticed me and told me to wait a minute, which I was willing to do because stuff happens. They must have noticed my patience for the customers was starting to run thin, as they put the customers’ order aside, got the game I wanted out, canceled their order after informing them they were on the phone and holding up the line for too long, and then rang me up.

To that cashier: you didn’t have to do that, but kudos, and if you’re reading this, I hope you’re having a good day.

Our store lost power for a few minutes, and our systems are powering back up. The lines at the checkout are waiting patiently, as they know it’s not our fault. Well, most of them…

A customer near the back of the line pipes up.

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I insist you serve me first!”

Me: “Everyone has been inconvenienced, sir. We’ll be starting the line up again in just a moment.”

Customer: “Yes, and when you do, you should serve me first!”

Me: “Everyone has to wait, sir.”

Customer: “That’s not fair!”

Me: “Sir, these people have been waiting longer than you.”

Customer: “That’s different!”

Me: “And why is that, sir?”

Customer: “Because they’re not me.”

I am extremely afraid of spiders and bugs. I am dealing with a very large cricket — easily as big as my palm — jumping around close to my feet.

All of a sudden, I get a scam call and answer.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hi, I’m [Scammer] from [Company]. How are you?” 

Me: *Scared* “Not good. I’m being stalked by a cricket!”

Scammer: “Oh… I’m sorry to hear that… Nbye…”

And she hung up. I guess I’ve figured out how to stop these calls?