Directing Them Away From Us

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2021

I work for a moving company. A customer comes in at the last minute with no reservation.

Customer: “I need you to move my boxes. I need it done today.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re fully booked for the next week. Our next availability is—”

Customer: “Well, then, if you don’t value my service, I’ll just go to [Competitor].”

Me: “Great! They are two blocks south of here, on [Street]. Can’t miss ‘em!”

The customer stands there frazzled for a moment, not expecting his bluff to be called.

Me: “Need directions?”

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup! This is the last story in this roundup, but if you’d like to read more of our favorite stories, you can always check out April’s roundup next!

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Somehow They Switched Signals

, , , , | Working | January 5, 2019

(It’s 1989, and we are nearing the end of a move; almost the entire truck is unloaded. We moved cross-country from an apartment with cable supplied. The movers walk in with a huge TV aerial which takes both of them to carry. It is probably ten feet long and would have to be mounted on the roof of a large home. I stop them at the door.)

Me: “Hey, wait! That isn’t mine!”

Mover: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes! We moved from an apartment… We certainly didn’t own a TV aerial!”

Mover: “…”

Me: “…”

Mover: “Um, want it?”

(Hopefully, it eventually got matched up with its owner!)

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His Request Is Dead In The Water

| Right | February 19, 2016

(My last customer of the day/week is absolutely irate because company policy prevents us from moving his 55-gallon aquarium, which is full of 20 fish and 50 gallons of water.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. You’re telling me that you’re a professional moving company, and you won’t move an aquarium.”

Me: “Not if it is full. We move aquariums, but they must be completely emptied out prior to move day.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to do with 20 fish and 50 gallons of water?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I and my friend moved this thing BY OURSELVES the last time I moved.”

Me: “Sir, when you put a full aquarium on a truck with the rest of your belongings, it is very likely that the water would spill onto your other items and ruin them. It’s also likely that water would cause our men to slip and hurt themselves. We can’t transport liquids of any kinds due to the safety hazard.”

Customer: “It won’t spill because I let 4-5 inches evaporate because I knew I was moving. I could move this thing myself; I just don’t WANT to do it. This is f****** ridiculous. I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “I’d LOVE for you to speak with my manager.”

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Putting An End To Assumptions

| Working | August 21, 2012

(I am moving out of a one-bedroom apartment, but I haven’t had a lot of time to get my things packed up. As a result, a lot of my stuff isn’t quite ready for the movers. As they move my things, they grumble a bit in Spanish about how disorganized I am, but since it’s true, I don’t mind. Then, however…)

Worker #1: *in Spanish* “Check out those shorts, man.”

Worker #2: *in Spanish* “Yeah, if they were any shorter we could probably see her a**!”

Me: *in English* “Oh, you like these? My friend helped me cut them off from a pair of jeans. They’re super comfortable, especially since it’s so hot outside!”

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