It’s All Sticky And Eu

, , , | Learning | April 4, 2018

(I’m a special education teacher. I am reviewing letter sounds with a second grader. I am showing letters, and he is giving me words that start with that sound. I pull out a V.)

Boy: “Um… Oh, a vampire!”

Me: “That’s right.”

Boy: “Did you know that, um… they come from, um… that country that’s really far away? Across the ocean. It’s called, um… um… Oh, yeah! Syrup!”

(Normally, I can stifle my laughter when he says things like that. Thankfully, he likes making people laugh. I’m pretty sure he meant that they come from Europe.)

Customised Failure

, , , , | Working | April 4, 2018

(I work as a shift leader for a fabric store. Toward the end of my shift, I go to the office to finish the paperwork for a few orders. I’m seated at the computer finishing up an email when my general manager enters the office to start her shift. The office is also where we store custom orders when they come in, so they don’t get confused with regular stock. A few items are standing in one corner waiting for pick-up, clearly marked.)

General Manager: “Hey, [My Name]! How’d today go? Did the truck come in okay?”

Me: “Afternoon, [General Manager]. Not bad, though they didn’t include the new holiday decorations that were in the inventory. I was just putting through a couple of custom orders before I head home.”

General Manager: “Oh, okay. Sales are good?”

(By now, she’s put her purse away and has started shuffling around the custom orders in the corner.)

Me: “A bit slow, but not the worst we’ve had this week.”

General Manager: *suddenly annoyed* “[My Name], why aren’t these on the floor yet?”

Me: “Pardon?”

General Manager: “These rolls, they’re the restock for the home decor, right?”

Me: “No, they’re custom orders. The customers haven’t picked them up yet, but I called them this morning and left messages that their fabric was in.”

General Manager: “So, why aren’t these on the floor?”

Me: “Because they’re not for the floor; they’re custom orders that are waiting to be picked up.”

General Manager: “Oh.”

Me: “Anyway, I’m going to clock out now.”

General Manager: “So, why aren’t these on the floor?”

Me: *exasperated by now* “Because we can’t sell them!”

General Manager: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because they’re custom orders, and the customers already paid for them, and they would be pissed!”

General Manager: “Oh.”

Me: *still exasperated* “Is that all?”

General Manager: “I guess.” *muttering under her breath as I leave*

(I didn’t work another shift for two days. When I came back, the assistant store manager informed me that the general manager had put the custom orders on the floor, despite what I had told her, and despite the tags plastered on the rolls with the customers’ names and phone numbers. One roll had been cut by the time the customer came to pick up her fabric, and she was understandably furious. From then on, the general manager had nothing to do with custom orders.)

Eating For Two, One Last Time

, , , , , | Romantic | April 4, 2018

(I’m in hard labor with my first child, who is two weeks overdue. After early labor all day, it’s now past midnight and the contractions are unbearable. My husband is driving me to our hospital, forty five minutes from home. I’m in the passenger seat, eyes tightly closed, counting my breathing and the miles under the tires. The car finally comes to a slow stop, and I’m ecstatic that we’ve arrived.)

Me: “Oh, thank God. I can’t take this much more! We’re there, right?”

Husband: “Uh, well…”

Outside The Car: “Welcome to [Tex Mex Fast Food Place]. Are you interested in a combo meal?”

(Two meals ordered, and we were back en route to the hospital ten minutes away. Nine years later, we still joke about being the couple that showed up in the labor and delivery ward with a duffel bag and Tex Mex.)

Your Own Personnel Hell

, , , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(I work as an apprentice for my father’s electrical contracting business in a small town in the rural South while in high school. It doesn’t take long to realize that the general contractors who subcontract with us often demand things of the electricians with attitudes they never would DREAM of using with my father. In one particular case we are experiencing a construction boom in the area and Dad doesn’t have enough electricians to fully man all of our worksites.)

General Contractor: “We had to make a change to the work order, and we need the electrical roughed in to the out-building by Monday when the drywallers come in.”

Electrician: “Can’t. We’re already scheduled on another project this weekend.”

General Contractor: “No, you will. The drywallers come first thing Monday morning, and that electrical will be roughed in.”

Electrician: “No, we won’t. We’re already working seven 12-hour days a week. We can’t drop everything because you made a work order change. We just don’t have the manpower for it.”

(He is absolutely right. I helped make the schedules myself. We’ve hired everyone in a 50-mile radius with any electrical experience at all and we are still barely making our obligations.)

General Contractor: *sneering* “That sounds like a personal problem.”

Me: “Actually, it’s a personnel problem.”

General Contractor: “…”

Me: “Two Ns and an E. Personnel. Easy words to confuse.”

General Contractor: “…”

Electrician: *tries not to laugh*

Me: “It means manpower. We don’t have the personnel. Personnel Problem.”

(Everyone on the job site tries not to laugh.)

General Contractor: *quietly turns around and walks away*

(To this day, I’m not sure if I got away with that because I was the boss’s son or because he couldn’t think of a reply.)

Such A Cute Little Cookie

, , , , | Related | April 4, 2018

(A grandma and her little grandson have just picked out a cupcake decorated to look like a sundae for him, and I ask if today is special. It turns out the little boy fell at school and has a minor injury on his head. Feeling bad, I go for the free cookies the store gives out to children.)

Me: “I know something that might make that feel better. Would you like a cookie?”

Boy: “No.”

Grandma & Me: “No?”

Boy: “Maybe tomorrow.”

Grandma: “Maybe tomorrow?”

(We both laughed, and I waved goodbye as the little boy clutched his packaged cupcake. I hope the little cutie feels better!)

Page 966/1,927First...964965966967968...Last