I’m putting out lunch meat. When I empty a box, I break it down and put it in a shopping cart so I can take it to the baler when I’m done.

A customer comes up with an armful of groceries.

Customer: “I need this cart.”

Me: “I can run up front and get you one.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for that.”

She proceeded to dump my empty boxes on the floor and take the buggy.

I’ve gotten a new job offer and I need to get a background check, so I need to have my birth certificate or social security card. My parents have just sold their house, and I am in my new apartment. I know that during the packing, they never gave me these documents from the safe, so I call and ask for them. 

Mom: “We emptied everything out of that safe, so we gave them to you. Look around.”

I’ve checked everything, but I know they did not give them to me as I know I also had savings bonds with those documents but have never actually seen them.

Me: “I’ve looked, and I know for a fact that you never gave them to me. Are you sure you don’t have them?”

Mom: “You are so irresponsible, losing probably the most important documents you need in life!”

I eventually order copies but end up having to pass on the job as I can’t pass the test. I’m still stewing in anger knowing they are the ones who lost the documents and couldn’t even admit to it.

Later in the year, while they are in their house in Florida, I am on the phone with them when my dad slips up and says something.

Dad: “Oh, yeah, we found something of yours while unpacking.”

I hear my mom in the background.

Mom: “Don’t tell her!”

Me: “Now I’m curious. Go ahead and tell me what you found.”

Dad: “You were right; we had your social and birth certificate. They were in your mom’s jewelry box.”

Me: “And look who’s the irresponsible one now.”

They promise to bring the documents up when they return for the summer. When they return… they forget to bring me the documents.

Me: “Hey, I know you guys stopped by, but all you brought was the title to my car. You still never brought my social and birth certificate.”

Mom: “I know I did. You probably lost it.”

I thought, “Here we go again!”

The next year when they went to Florida, I demanded that they check the jewelry box again and, sure enough, my documents were still there. I didn’t trust them again, so I demanded that they send them in the mail. They were finally safely returned to me and out of my parents’ forgetful clutches.

Years back, I got into a kick of making taffy. I wound up with bags of the candies. At the time, I was also contracting with a mid-sized firm and creating a point-of-sale system for them. I kept a bowl of taffy on my desk for whoever wanted some.

The chief financial officer dropped by my office one day.

CFO: “Oh! Taffy! May I?”

Me: “Are you a licensed taffy user?”

I need to mention at this point that the CFO is my best friend. In the manner of male best friends the world over, it’s obligatory to tease one another. He laughed and took a taffy.

About two minutes later, I got a text on my phone. It was from the CFO. 

CFO: “I guess I’m not licensed.”

Accompanying the message was an image of a tooth crown… on his desk… with taffy stuck to it. He had pulled off his crown with my taffy.

It is the early 2000s. A customer comes in:

Customer: “I’m from the police department and need to get a camera. I need it to take pictures of evidence at the police department.”

Me: “How high does the picture quality need to be, and how much are you looking to spend?”

Customer: *Giving me a little attitude.* “Of course it needs to be good quality because it’s taking pictures of evidence!”

She pulls out a floppy disk.

Customer: “It needs to put pictures onto one of these.”

Me: “Well, a digital camera can be connected to a computer so that—”

Customer: “No! Floppy disks are how we transfer and store pictures at the department, so I want something that will take pictures directly to the floppy.”

Me: “Uh… you would still need to plug the camera into the computer and then transfer it to the floppy.”

Customer: “Why would I need to do that if I had a camera that would take pictures directly to floppy disk?”

After much explaining she left without buying a camera.

We’re so used to seeing TV shows about the police using super-advanced tech that we don’t often see them go this far in the other direction! That being said, check out these 12 Hilarious Stories About People Who Believed What They Saw On Crime Shows!

I used to work overnights in a middle-of-nowhere convenience store in east Tennessee hill country. People often asked me if I, a woman, was ever worried about being on my own all night. I wasn’t, and this helps to illustrate why.

My significant other (now my wife, but at that time presenting as male) sometimes came to see me during my shift, just to keep me company and pick up a soda or a snack. One night at about 1:30 am, just as my SO arrived, I got hit with one of those inexplicable mini-rushes. Several customers came in, one right after the other. My SO moved to the back of the store to stay out of the way while I was serving them.

The last customer was a middle-aged man, a semi-regular who at least knew me by face if not by name, and vice versa. He was slow during his checkout and frequently looked over his shoulder at my SO, but he didn’t say anything. Finally, he walked out, slowly.

Once he was clear of the door, my SO came back up front, moving quickly out of habit more than anything else. (Some people just don’t move slowly, and my SO is one of them.) Only halfway across the parking lot, my customer stopped, turned around, and started to speed-walk back to the store. He only stopped and actually entered his car to leave when I came around the counter to give my SO a hug.

It was then that I realized what was happening. He was concerned for my safety and thought that this man (as he thought) might be a danger to me, and he was coming back to make sure I was okay!

One thing is true about rural folk: they tend to look out for one another. I never worried about being alone all night, because I knew that my customers (as well as the local sheriff’s deputies) would always look out for me. There’s a lot I don’t miss about that job, but it was always heartwarming to see how much people could care.