Me: “Thank you for calling [Major Cell Phone Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m in the Bahamas and my phone doesn’t work! My son says I need to talk to your global department.”

Me: “Oh, no! That’s not cool; your phone isn’t working on your vacation! The great news is that between you and me, we can get this figured out without a transfer! I just need to ask some quick verification questions.”

(We go through the verification and I see the phone he has is CDMA only, and the Bahamas is GSM only.)

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry to say your phone isn’t going to work for calls and text. It runs on a different network than what is offered in the Bahamas.”

Customer: *getting angry* “Why doesn’t anyone tell you this kind of thing?!”

Me: “When you got the phone 13 months ago, did you expect to be travelling outside the US?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Did you call us before you left on your trip? Did you call us to let us know?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t, but none of that’s not my fault!”

I go to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth out. I have had two shots already and the laughing gas on, no big problem. 

He starts trying to pull one tooth out that grew in crooked and I tell him that it is hurting. He gives me another shot, which should deaden it right then. He tells me not to be such a baby. Then, instead of being gentle and rocking it back and forth to loosen it before pulling it, he grabs a pair of pliers and snatches the tooth straight out of the gum!

He starts doing that with my other one on the same side. I bite the fire out of him. He has the nerve to tell my mom that I “need to be more prepared for a dental visit.” Not when one almost snatches your gums out of your mouth!  

I go straight from that dentist to one that treated me when I was a child. He is super nice, and he helps straighten out what the other one did to me. He takes one look in my mouth and says, “When was the last time you went to a dentist?” I reply, “I just came from one.”

(I work both cash and floor. My store has been having problems with a few of the registers, but tech support said they have resolved the issues. We have six registers, numbered as such.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], number one is down again, so hop on six, instead.”

(I log in and ring up items before I have to manually enter a SKU, which causes the register to freeze, then crash.)

Manager: “I’ll do a reset; go on four until [Coworker] comes back from lunch. Use my login, since you’re logged in on the frozen register.”

(I log in and continue ringing up customers. Everything is fine for ten minutes or so; I can enter items manually without issue. Then, four crashes.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], four just went down; should I hop on two?”

Manager: “Yes, but use [Other Manager’s] number, since mine and yours are still logged in.”

(I attempt to log in to two, and it immediately crashes. During this time, my coworkers on three and five have had zero issues with their registers.)

Manager: “Okay, stop touching registers. Grab your RF gun and start doing go-backs.”

(RF — radio frequency — guns are handheld scanners used to check locations of items in the store, inventory amounts, print new tags, etc. I grab my RF and start putting things back. Less than five minutes later, my RF gun freezes. I grab another one, and despite the battery being fully charged, it immediately goes black and won’t turn on.)

Me: “Hey [Manager], I think I just killed two RFs. Should I try going back on cash for a bit? The line is pretty long.”

Manager: *jokingly* “Okay, but don’t break them this time!”

(I log onto four and start ringing up customers. I’m in the middle of a return, and the register freezes.)

Manager: *sighs heavily, but jokingly* “Okay, go do go-backs again. I’ll ring. Don’t touch any electronic devices. Don’t go near any of the floor scanners or cameras.”

(I start doing go-backs again, only doing the items I know without using a scanner. I’m in the jewelry section when the security camera above me goes black. I radio my manager.)

Me: “Um, [Manager]? I think I just broke the security camera. I didn’t touch it, I swear!”

(The cameras hang from our over 20-foot-tall ceilings, so it would be impossible for me to touch them.)

Manager: “Are you a magnet or something? Go take a break, [My Name], and DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING.”

(My manager sent me home early that day — with pay — just so I wouldn’t break anything else. Now all my coworkers call me Magneto, though I haven’t had any tech issues since.)

(My husband works for a volunteer organization that builds homes for people in need. They have a lot of problems with a neighbor who doesn’t want any of their trucks parked — legally — on the public street in front of his house. Despite the fact that he has a long driveway and a garage, he has somehow found a way to put up “No Parking” signs on his side of the street AND the opposite side of the street.)

Volunteer: “Wow, that was a long walk! I had to park all the way down the block and walk here.”

Husband: “Yeah… The neighbor across the street put up these ‘No Parking’ signs, so we are trying to work around it, even though we have to lug all of this construction equipment down the street.”

Volunteer: “Seriously?”

(She inspects a sign and makes a quick phone call.)

Volunteer: “These are not regulation signs.”

Husband: “What?”

Volunteer: “I work for the county office. The city has to put those up, and there is no record of a ‘No Parking’ sign on this street.”

(She then proceeds to call the non-emergency police phone number, and by lunch, an officer comes by to write the neighbor a ticket and to take the signs down.)

Neighbor: “I don’t want to look at those f****** trucks all day! You can’t make me take my signs down!”

Officer: “Sir, you can either take the signs down, or I can take them down and take you to the station.”

(Eventually, the neighbor took the signs down, glaring at the volunteers the whole time. I feel sorry for the family that will eventually have to put up with this guy!)

This story is part of our Volunteer roundup!

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(My store has an online couponing service. The store credit card is run by a different company and not by the store, so any issues with it must be dealt with by giving customers their phone number.)

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to put my online coupons on this order, but the cashier never asked me for them.”

Me: “No problem. I can give you their phone number or you can put it back on their website.”

Customer: “But I don’t use the Internet!”

(The customer is holding a smartphone, and the only way you can use the couponing service is through the Internet.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous and horrible customer service!”