(My family is at the store, buying groceries. This particular store happens to have a smoothie bar, and my mother decides that she would like something to drink. My parents wait in line while my brother and I go to get the smoothie for her. While there, we are treated to this interaction. There is a respectable-looking woman at the front of the line, who has just hung up on her cell phone.)

Woman: “One [smoothie], please!”

Cashier: “Sure. Small, medium, or large?”

Woman: “A large. Extra ice.”

Cashier: “Your total is [total]. [Employee near the blender], one large [smoothie] with extra ice!”

(The woman pays. The cashier moves on to the next customer and the woman moves over to watch her drink get made. The employee begins making the woman’s drink and puts a peeled carrot into the blender.)

Woman: *suddenly angry* “No, no, no! You don’t put carrots in first! You put in the tangerines!”

Employee: *looking surprised* “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Tangerines are first! Not carrots!”

Employee: *still surprised* “Ma’am, this is a [smoothie]. Both carrots and tangerines go in here.”

Woman: “But the tangerines are first!“

Employee: *looks unsure of what to do*

Woman: “You f****** idiot! I’m going to speak to your manager!”

(She marches off, and most of the people in the area seem to roll their eyes or groan. When my brother and I get to the front of the line, this happens:)

Woman: *stomps back to the front of the line, shoving me backwards towards my brother and the two men behind me* “A MEETING! WHAT MANAGER HAS MEETINGS?!”

Cashier: *looking slightly irritated* “Ma’am—”

Woman: “All of you f****** idiots should be fired!“

(She stomps back out of the line and shoves me back again, loudly informing everyone that she plans to call the “boss of the stores.”)

Cashier: *sighs and turns towards me and my brother* “And what would you like?”

Me: *regaining my balance* “…”

Brother: *still staring in the woman’s direction* “Uh… We’ll have a small [other smoothie].”

Cashier: “That will be [total].”

Brother: *hands cashier money* “Thanks. Do you have to deal with her often?”

Cashier: *rolls eyes* “Oh, yeah, she’s a regular—”

Brother: “Ouch.”

Cashier: “But this was a pretty good day for her.”

(I am a checkout clerk at a locally-owned grocery store. There are only a few stores in our small state, and one in a neighboring state. This week our stores have a sale on bottled water: three 24-bottle cases for $9. Our state also has a 5¢ deposit on all water bottles. This is an exchange I have with a college student.)

Customer: “I thought the bottles were three for $9?”

Me: “They are, plus a 5¢ deposit for each bottle, so they come to $9 + $3.60 of bottle deposit — which you get back once you recycle the bottles — bringing your total to $12.60.”

Customer: “Do all of your stores have this sale? Even the one in [Neighboring State]?”

Me: “Yes, they do.”

Customer: “Do you know if they have a deposit on water bottles?”

Me: “I don’t believe so.”

Customer: “Okay, cancel my order. I am too lazy and cheap to come back and spend the money on a deposit.” *laughs*

(But apparently, he wasn’t too cheap or lazy to spend the money on gas and drive to the next state over and back.)

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(The owners of the store where I work happen to own two other stores in the same shopping center. To convince people to go from one store to another, we have a promotion going on where you show your bag from one of the stores to get 10% off at the others. I work at the most expensive store, and on this particular day a woman is making a very large purchase.)

Me: “Have you been to our other stores today?”

Customer #1: “No, I haven’t.”

Me: “No problem. If you’d like to go to our other stores, just show your bag at checkout and they’ll give you 10% off!”

Customer #1: “What? Wait!” *takes her card back* “Can you hold my things here? I’ll be right back.”

(I am confused, but hold her items for her, anyway. After a while she returns.)

Customer #1: “There. I went to your other store!”

(She now has a bag from our other store, with a purchase of less than $4. I begrudgingly give the 10% off. Afterwards, my general manager comes to speak to me.)

General Manager: “I understand that you had to give her the 10% off, but from now on I want you to stop asking people if they’ve been to the other stores. They’ll only get the 10% if they show their bag and specifically ask for the discount.”

(I’m not a fan of this idea, but follow the instructions, anyway. A few days later another woman comes in to make a very large purchase. Note that she does not have a bag with her.)

Me: “All right, your total will be [total].” *rings her through* “If you’d like to go to our other stores today, just show your bag at checkout and they’ll give you 10% off!”

Customer #2: “WHAT?! But I just went to your other store! Where is my 10% off?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, as I said, you have to show your bag. They should have told you at the other store.”

Customer #2: “You should mention this before I buy anything! You’re just trying to take my money!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. If you would like, I can refund your purchase and ring you through again with the discount. I’ll trust that you have been to our other store without the bag.”

Customer #2: “No! That will take far too long! You took long enough the first time! I want [product worth more than her 10%].”

(At this point my store manager comes to help out.)

Store Manager: “That’s no problem, ma’am! We’ll get that [product worth more than her 10%] for you right away!”

(After a very long rant and rave about how we should have told her, and how we were trying to take her money, she finally leaves. Later I tell my general manager about the situation.)

General Manager: “Well, I still don’t want you asking people. You’ll just have to do the math in your head and issue cash refunds whenever something like this happens.”

(Whenever my managers aren’t around, I just ask about the bags, anyway.)

(I am waiting to make vacation arrangements. The customer in front of me is being helped.)

Customer: “I’d like to take a vacation on [dates].”

Agent: “Certainly, sir! Where would you like to go on your vacation?”

Customer: “I’m going to Man-ass.”

Agent: “Where?”

Customer: “MAN-ASS!”

Agent: “I don’t know of any city by that name, sir.”

Customer: “I went there last year! Man-ass! It’s down in Bolivia!”

Agent: “Did you mean Manaus, Brazil?”

(She tilts her computer screen so he can see.)

Customer: “Yes! Man-ass! Can you get me there?”

Agent: “Certainly, sir.” *she types a few things into her computer, then prints a sheet of paper* “One trip to Manaus on [dates]; the price is [price].”

(The man cheerfully pays. As he leaves, he pumps his fist in the air.)

Customer: “Yes! I’m going to have a great time in Man-ass!”

(My company sells stone wholesale/by the full pallet mainly to other businesses, and we occasionally get complaints about this policy from regular individuals. A couple of well-dressed guys in a nice pickup pull up.)

Customers: “Yeah, we need some rock, and we’ll take half of this pallet.” *points*

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we’re wholesale and only sell by the full pallet. You’re welcome to buy a full pallet or I would be happy to direct you to some nurseries that sell in smaller quantities.”

Customers: “Are you kidding me?! All we need is half a pallet! If you won’t help us we’re leaving!” *start to walk back to truck*

Manager: “Okay, sorry we can’t help you. You guys have a nice day.”

Customers: *pause and turn back* “Are you really just going to let us leave?!”

Manager: “Well, yes, sir. I can’t sell you want you want.”

Customers: *somewhat sheepishly* “Oh. Threatening to leave usually works. Um, we’ll come back here for a project where we need a full pallet. Bye.”