We Know Where You Can Stick That Bucket

, , | Right | August 14, 2017

(I work as a travel agent and on Saturdays I work alone. I have just come back from the restroom and reopened the store when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Travel Agency]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Finally! I was wondering if you guys were open at all! I have called ten times already!”

(I can see on my screen he has only called twice before.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. I am alone and had to step out to the restroom for five minutes.”

Customer: “Don’t you have a bucket you guys can use to be close to the phone? Rather inconvenient for the customer to be kept waiting.”

Me: “Unfortunately, not all of us are barbarians that relieve themselves in buckets. Now, how can I help you?”

Customer: *hangs up*

Their Geographical Knowledge Is Dull-es

| Italy | Right | July 21, 2017

(All of this happens in an Italian travel agency.)

Customer: “Good morning, I want a plane ticket to the Dallas Airport in Washington.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s no Dallas airport in the state of Washington. Do you want to go to the State of Washington, or to Washington D.C. in Virginia?”

Customer: “I want to go to the city of Washington in the state of Washington, and the airport is called Dallas. I’ve been there before, I know.”

(After a few minutes trying to explain that the city of Washington D.C. is different from the state of Washington…)

Me: “Ma’am, maybe you want to go to the Dulles airport, Washington D.C.?”

Customer: “Dallas, as I said. City of Washington, state of Washington.”

Me: “Ma’am, the city of… never mind. Here’s your ticket. Have a nice journey.”

(I still wonder how she came back from Washington the first time, asking for an airport in Milan, state of Milan.)

Timely Flights Of Fancy

| London, England, UK | Right | April 24, 2017

(I’m on the phone with a customer inquiring about flights to a certain destination. Airline #1 has multiple flights per day, while Airline #2 flies once per day.)

Me: “So the cheapest flight for [Airline #1] flying to [Destination] is £[Total], and the cheapest flight for [Airline #2] is £[Total].”

Customer: “Why does [Airline #2] only fly to [Destination] once per day?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t like the times for [Airline #2]. Can’t I fly at a different time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have no control over how often airline companies schedule their flights. If you want to arrive by a certain time, [Airline #1] would be the better option.”

Customer: “I still don’t get it. Why doesn’t [Airline #2] fly to [Destination] more often? Their counter at the airport is much bigger than [Airline #1]!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face while talking* “No, ma’am, the size of the check-in counter has no relation to how many flights an airline has.”

First-Class Travellers Get Their Own Tardis

| Grenoble, France | Right | April 4, 2017

(It’s Friday closing time at my agency when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and greet the wife of an important client; a high-tech local firm CEO, who inquired about the arrival time in Paris of her husband’s flight from New York. I get the info for which she thanks me before saying goodbye. Not a minute later, the phone rings again:)

Caller: “I’m terribly sorry; I forgot to mention he traveled first class. I thought perhaps…”

Me: “Same arrival time, madam!”

A London House Business

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Right | November 4, 2016

(A middle-aged lady walks in looking a little lost and is immediately greeted.)

Colleague: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Middle-Aged Lady: “Yes, can you please tell me if it is cheaper to fly into London or England?”

Colleague: “I’m sorry?” *thinking she had misheard the question*

Middle-Aged Lady: “Which is cheaper to fly into? London or England?”

Colleague: “Sorry, London is in England.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “Yes, I know, but which one is cheaper to fly into?”

Colleague: *confused about what to do* “London. It is cheaper to fly into London.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “And how much would it cost to fly business class?”

Colleague: “Depending on the time of year and airline, maybe around $8000.”

Middle-Aged Lady: “$8000?! You can buy a house for that price!”

(She then stalks out of the office muttering under her breath about ridiculous prices.)

Colleague: *turning to me* “What just happened?”

Me: “I literally have no idea, but I’d love to see that $8000 house!”

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