They’re To Blame, But The Questionnaire Saves Them

, , , | Right | April 17, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “You guys charged me without any reason! I never made any reservation with you!”

Me: “Okay, sir. May I ask you for the merchant’s name as shown on your bank account, to determine what the charge refers to?”

Customer: “Yes, it says [Totally Different Company].”

Me: “Well, sir, then may I suggest you get in touch with [Totally Different Company] to check your unrecognised charge with them?”

Customer: “Ah, okay. Bye.”

The only comment in the customer satisfaction questionnaire was, “F*** off.”

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This Is Not Their Calling

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; how can I help?”

Caller: “I am calling to pay my balance. My reference is [reference].”

Me: “The total is [total]. What is the long card number?”

Caller: “Wait a second, I just need to go and get my card; it’s in the other room.”

Cue me listening to them shuffle papers for a few minutes while they look for the sole reason for their call.

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Demanding To A Fault(line), Part 3

, , , , , | Right | February 16, 2021

Customer: “Hello! I live in Chicago and am looking to book a trip to Los Angeles, but I have heard there have been a lot of earthquakes in Alaska lately. I wanted to know if you all had felt them down there and if it was safe.”

Me: *Confused* “Alaska? Ma’am, Alaska is extremely far away from us. We wouldn’t be affected by their earthquakes.”

Customer: “No! Alaska is on the west coast just like California! I want to know if you have felt the earthquakes and if it is safe! I read all about the earthquakes happening there.”

Me: “Ma’am, we haven’t felt any of the earthquakes here. Alaska is over 3,000 miles away from us.”

Customer: “Look. I just want to know if it is safe because you are both on the west coast!”

Me: “Ma’am, have you felt the earthquakes? Chicago is the same distance from Alaska as Los Angeles is.”

Customer: “Ugh, you are so unhelpful!” 

Demanding To A Fault(line), Part 2
Demanding To A Fault(line)

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Well, They Asked!

, , , | Right | December 31, 2020

My phone rings.

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “This is [Caller] from [Vacation Package Company]. How are you doing today?”

Me: “Terrible. I just rehomed my cat and my newborn is in the hospital awaiting surgery. Thanks for calling.”

Caller: “…”

Me: *Click*

I only answered because I thought it might be the hospital.

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Has No Reservations About Making Death Threats

, , , | Right | December 23, 2020

Many years ago, before Internet purchases were common, we ran a travel agency. We had one woman call to reserve and hold a ticket.

Me: “Ma’am, this ticket can be held for twenty-four hours. If not paid for by then, the reservation will be canceled, and it will be quite likely that you will not find another seat at this price.”

She called back to pay for the seat two or three days later, and of course, the reservation was gone.

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Get me that price or I’ll kill you!”

I hung up and called the police, supplying them with all of the personal information that the genius had conveniently provided to make the reservation.

Ten minutes later, she called back and made ANOTHER death threat, this time in retribution for calling the cops. Another police call was made. We never heard from her again, but I can’t imagine that things went very well for her after that point.

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