(I am waiting to make vacation arrangements. The customer in front of me is being helped.)

Customer: “I’d like to take a vacation on [dates].”

Agent: “Certainly, sir! Where would you like to go on your vacation?”

Customer: “I’m going to Man-ass.”

Agent: “Where?”

Customer: “MAN-ASS!”

Agent: “I don’t know of any city by that name, sir.”

Customer: “I went there last year! Man-ass! It’s down in Bolivia!”

Agent: “Did you mean Manaus, Brazil?”

(She tilts her computer screen so he can see.)

Customer: “Yes! Man-ass! Can you get me there?”

Agent: “Certainly, sir.” *she types a few things into her computer, then prints a sheet of paper* “One trip to Manaus on [dates]; the price is [price].”

(The man cheerfully pays. As he leaves, he pumps his fist in the air.)

Customer: “Yes! I’m going to have a great time in Man-ass!”

(I answer the phone.)

Caller: “Hello! This is [Caller] from [Travel Club]! I’m calling to tell you that you have been upgraded to a platinum level!”

Me: “Thank you. What does that mean?”

Caller: “I have no idea. Let me transfer you to my manager.”

(Pause.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Me: “It wasn’t meant to be a difficult question. I just wondered what I get for being a platinum member?”

Manager: “Nothing, really. But because you asked, I’ll give you a free year’s travel insurance, too. All right?”

Me: “Um, sure. Yeah. Thanks.”

Manager: “Goodbye!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Agency]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “I want to file a complaint.”

Me: “All right, and may I know what is it about?”

Caller: “About the previous girl that talked to me.”

(I check the records. The last time she called in was two months ago, and she’s supposed to check into a hotel in three days time. When she called in before, she wanted to amend the check-in date.)

Me: “Ma’am, from my record, it shows that you requested to amend the date from [date in November]. However, we didn’t proceed with the amendment, as we did not receive any confirmation from your end.”

Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I’m sure I replied immediately! Check your stupid system again!”

Me: *check again and still finds nothing* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I really don’t see any confirmation emails from you. And since it’s been two months, I will have to double check with [Hotel] about the rate and if they still have rooms on the date that you want to amend, and there might be some price difference.”

Caller: *starts screaming* “OH, MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! So, you are going to waste another five to ten minutes of my life just because you didn’t do your job well?! And even worse, I have to pay more for your mistakes?!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, please give me a minute and I’ll go through all our emails and try to locate the email that you sent us, okay? May I know which email you replied to?”

Caller: “You better! I think I replied to [email protected][website].”

Me: *stunned for two seconds* “Ma’am, when it says ‘noreply,’ that means it’s an automated email and you should not reply to it. Even if you did, we will not receive anything.”

Caller: “HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW?! IT’S YOUR FAULT TO COME OUT WITH EMAILS THAT CANNOT RECEIVE REPLIES! THIS IS SO STUPID! ALL OF YOU MUST BE SCHOOL DROPOUTS!”

(My father and I are joining a tour group. We have called the travel agency and asked for a room together. I’m female and over 18.)

Agent: “We can’t put a man and a woman in the same room.”

Me: “Is that policy? So, we have to room with strangers?”

Agent: “No, it’s not policy. Unless it’s husband and wife, it’s just wrong. Eww. So, yes, you will room with strangers.”

Father: “We’re father and daughter.”

Agent: “If she was under-aged, that would be required, as kids can’t room with strangers. But she’s an adult. It’s just gross. I can’t put you together.”

Me: “There are two beds, right? You won’t be putting same-sex strangers in the same bed, will you?”

Agent: “Of course not.”

Me: “Then, why can’t I room with my father?”

Father: “You just said it wasn’t policy, just that you don’t like it.”

Agent: “Not happening.”

(Eventually, we got the agent to talk to a guide actually coming on the trip who okayed us to share a room.)

(This previous weekend we held a giant expo and trade fair, where our suppliers offered generous discounts for people who booked reservations or tickets. It was hugely successful. The major condition about it all, however, was that you had to book on those two weekend days, otherwise the prices went back to normal. I am sitting at my desk, four days after the expo, when this occurs. A customer walks in.)

Customer: *yelling* “I want to be served!”

Me: “Welcome! Take a seat! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to talk about the Travel Expo.” *pulls out a full colour newspaper ad from previous weekend’s paper* “I want this price to fly to Los Angeles. For two people.”

Me: “Okay! Unfortunately, those prices were for that weekend only. They are no longer being advertised at that price.”

Customer: *yelling* “I KNOW THAT! I CAN READ!”

(The customer pulls out a sandwich and begins to eat it, dropping food all over my desk and the floor.)

Me: “Um… Would you like me to find flights that might suit you better?”

Customer: “Find me good flights!”

(I do a thorough search, and I am not able to match any prices that resemble the amazing deal offered that weekend. I find the best solution, and I offer it to her. In the meantime, she has been reading the fine print on the advertising.)

Me: “So, the price will be [higher price]. This is the closest I can get to the advertised fare that was being shown at the Expo.”

Customer: “That is disgusting! I want this fare!” *points at ad*

Me: “I would love to be able to give you that price, but as you can see, it was for a limited time.”

Customer: *attempts to stare me down while eating and dropping her sandwich all over my desk area* “I want this price.”

Me: “I cannot give you that price, I am afraid. It was last weekend only.”

Customer: *screeching* “I CAN READ THE FINE PRINT!”

Me: “Would you like me to book you the [higher price] flights? As you’re wanting to fly over the Christmas holiday period, these are very good prices.”

Customer: “NO! You disgust me!”

(The customer throws herself out of the chair and stomps out of the store. At this point my boss walks past.)

Boss: “Have you been eating at your desk?”