Customer: “I want that ‘forby’ smoothie you got.”

Me: “The ‘four Bs’ smoothie! So, that’s banana, blueberry, blackberry, and boysenberry?”

Customer: “I didn’t want all that s***!”

Me: “Sorry, it’s just the names of the fruits that go into the smoothie. They all begin with B, so it’s what it’s called. Just a fun little alliteration.”

Customer: “I don’t want no smoothies with fruits! Especially those fancy kinds — like, what the h*** is a ‘literation’? They grow that down in Mexico or something?”

I could not answer that with a straight face. They ended up going with the Oreo smoothie.

A lady comes in right before closing.

Customer: “I want a large mango smoothie.”

I go to ring her up, and whaddya know, she has a coupon for a free small smoothie.

Me: “Since you ordered a large, I will need to add an upcharge.”

Customer: “I don’t have any money on me.”

I just think, “Fine, whatever, take the d*** smoothie.”

She comes back inside about a minute later with mango smoothie all over her arm and a half-empty cup in her hand. She spilled it all over her BMW seat.

Customer: *Screaming* “Why didn’t you put the smoothie in a bag?!”

There is still half left, so I pour it into a small cup and hand it to her.

Me: “Well, that’s the size that was free, so you’re good to go!”

She got so mad about that! She continued to yell and then said she was going to sue me and the store for damages.

That hasn’t happened yet.

I work at a smoothie store, and I get an online order. He orders it with no juice, no ice cream, no ice, no fruit, and a bunch of protein powder. It’s literally just a cup with protein powder in it. When he comes in to pick it up:

Me: “What do you want me to do with this? What can I make you?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I don’t want anything. I just wanted to see what you would do.”

I work at a smoothie store where we happen to have a small children’s menu of simple, popular combinations with all ingredients listed out.

Customer: “Hi there! I want a kid’s smoothie for him.”

She points to her six- or seven-year-old child.

Me: “Sure! We have these four options. Which would he like?”

Customer: *Looking at the board* “Oh, well, is there anything he can’t have in those?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Customer: “You know! Anything he can’t have. Bad stuff.”

Me: *A little confused but still pleasant* “Like what, ma’am? What isn’t he able to have?”

Customer: *Getting annoyed with me* “You know! Stuff bad for children? Things children shouldn’t have?”

Me: “Um…”

I’m trying to think of what she could mean and diffuse the situation.

Me: “I don’t think so, ma’am. The ingredients are exactly as listed on the board. There’s no added sugar, either.”

Customer: *Very done with me now and flippant* “No! You know. I want to make sure you’re not pumping it with protein or pre-workout or… or something else!”

Me: “Uh… No, ma’am. They’re children’s smoothies; it’s really just fruit as listed on the board. We have strawberry banana, strawberry kiwi—”

Customer: “I see the board! I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything he couldn’t have in it. Oh, whatever! Give us the strawberry kiwi.”

I’m allergic to banana, which is a common thickener in a lot of cold, blended drinks. I happen to frequent an ice cream shop that also makes smoothies. I love one smoothie in particular, but I hate ordering it. 

Employee: “Good afternoon! What can I get for you?”

Me: “Can I get a large Sunrise Smoothie, please? Also, I’m allergic to bananas, so I need the blender cup washed before you make it.”

The employee nods and picks up a blender cup from the storage sink with running water where they store the cups between customers to rinse them out. I think he’s about to go wash it in the larger sink with soap, but he just dries it off with a clean towel and heads toward the blending station.

Me: “Excuse me, I really need that washed with soap, not just rinsed off. You use fresh banana in all your smoothies except the Sunrise, and I can not have banana.”

Employee: “It’s all good. This one’s been sitting in the rinser for like, half an hour. “

Me: “It’s really not okay. I don’t want to go to the emergency room today. Either wash the blender or cancel my order.”

He just stood there looking like I was an idiot, so I left. I never went back to that location, and I haven’t had a smoothie since. What is it with people and thinking they know your body better than you?