(I work in a popular smoothie shop. We normally don’t have a lot of problems with customers who have food allergies, but today a woman and her son come in who seem to be difficult to please.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Smoothie Shop]. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

(In an all of a sudden rude tone:)

Customer: “MY KID IS PB FREE!” *yes, she says ‘PB’ instead of peanut butter*

Me: “No problem. I will be happy to clean all our appliances and use our peanut butter free blender.”

Customer: “Ok, fine. I’ll have [Popular Drink].”

Me: “Perfect. Your total is $4.99.”

(She hands me cash and I proceed to make her drink. I grab a blender from the back that is never exposed to any of our other products. As I’m making her drink she yells.)

Customer: “THAT’S NOT PB FREE!”

(I try to assure her it is.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. Although it isn’t labelled it is a peanut butter free blender.”

Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY SON?! THAT’S OBVIOUSLY NOT PB FREE!”

(She causes a horrible commotion, and continues to yell at me, telling me that I’m incompetent. So I run to the back, get our label maker that we make name tags with, and label the same exact blender PB Free. I come back, show her the blender, and proceed to make her drink.)

Customer: “Finally! You understand my son’s needs.”

(I give her the drink and tell her to have a nice day.)

Son: “Mom, but I’m not even allergic to—”

Customer: “SHUT UP!”

Me: “‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]! ‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]!” *customer comes up* “Hey, here’s your ‘Strawberries Wild’.”

Customer: “This doesn’t have strawberries in it, does it? I’m deathly allergic to strawberries.”

Me: *blink* “…Let me make you a new smoothie…”

(In my store, we sell mainly natural real fruit smoothies, but we do have additions like vitamins, antioxidants, and whey protein. All of our additions are listed on our menu. A lady who looks to be in her mid 40s approaches my counter.)

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: *reading addition section* “What is protein?”

Me: *thinking she unfamiliar with “whey”* “Well, it’s protein made from dairy that’s been processed into a powder. Ours is vanilla flavored, so it goes well with all of our fruits.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, but what is protein?”

Me: *confused* “Protein? You mean the like the stuff you normally get from eating meat or eggs?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve never heard of it before. What is it?”

(I work at a shake/smoothie shop that specializes in healthy shakes with organic ingredients blended before the customer’s eyes. A woman who looks to be in her late 30s walks in and looks at the menu a while.)

Customer: “What ingredients can you put in a shake?

Me: “Well, we can include ground flax seed, hemp, wheat germ—”

Customer: “What? You put germs in your shakes?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I said wheat germ—”

Customer: “I heard what you said! You said germs! I can’t believe you put germs in your shakes! Wait until I tell everyone how filthy you are!” *storms out*

(A male customer approaches the cash register.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “Um, how can I help you?”

Customer: “You…help me? How can you…help me? YOU?”

Me: “Um, yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

Customer: “You can’t help me!”

Me: “Okay, why not?”

Customer: “Because I don’t need YOUR help!”

Me: “Okay, what what do you want me to do? I’m the only one working here.”

Customer: “I want you to ask me, ‘How may I serve you?'”

Me: “Um, no.”

Customer: *cusses up a storm and leaves*