I go into a chain smoothie store with a friend. It’s late in the hot summery day, so the employee says:

Employee: “Just to let you know, we’re out of all the berry flavors.”

Me: “Oh, that sucks. Well, this coupon has to be used today, so I guess I’ll get something.”

I check the menu.

Me: “Do you have peanut butter?”

Employee: “Yeah!”

Me: “I’ll take that then. It’s a shame, I was really looking forward to having the acai.”

Employee: “Oh, we have that!”

Me: “You do?”

Employee: “Yeah! Would you like an acai smoothie?”

Me: “Uh, yes! I thought you said you were out of all the berry flavors?”

Employee: “Yeah, but acai isn’t a berry; otherwise, it would be called a berry.”

Me: “It might not be in the name like strawberry, but it’s a berry.”

Employee: “Look, do you want your acai smoothie or not?”

Me: “I’ll take it?”

Friend: “Technically, strawberries aren’t berries.”

Me: “Not, now, [Friend]!”

I work in a juice place. I’m serving a customer, with another one waiting.

Customer: “What’s in your freshly pressed apple juice?”

Me: “Just apples.”

Customer: “Oh, what does that taste like?”

Me: “…Just apples.”

Customer: “Can you make it taste like strawberries?”

Me: “Ma’am, would you like a strawberry juice?”

Customer: “No, I want an apple juice, but I want it to taste like strawberries.”

Me: “I can do an apple and strawberry juice mix, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I want only apple juice, but I want it to taste like strawberries.”

Me: “I can’t do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well then, I’ll go somewhere that can! What do you think of that?!”

Before I can answer, the next customer helps me out.

Next Customer: “Oh, you should go to St. Joseph’s!”

Customer: “That sounds like a church.”

Next Customer: “It is! I heard they got a guy who can turn water into wine, so maybe you can hit him up about turning apples into strawberries?”

The customer was not amused and walked out. That next customer had a request that didn’t defy Heaven and Earth and got a 10% discount.

I work at one of those fancy milkshake bars that make the crazy milkshakes you see on Instagram. People absolutely lose their s*** at our store on a regular basis over orders, so we are instructed to be very clear with customers on what exactly they’re ordering.

A grandmother came in with her two grandchildren, and her young granddaughter ordered a sundae.

Me: *To the granddaughter.* “Just making sure you want just ice cream, as the sundae flavor you’ve picked is pretty thick.”

Granddaughter: “I want the sundae.”

I place their order, and then we hit a massive rush, so I continue taking orders.

About thirty minutes after they ordered, the lady came back up to me and shoved the jar of half-eaten ice cream in my face.

Customer: “My granddaughter’s sundae was too thick! She refuses to eat it! I deserve a refund!”

Me: “Sales are nonrefundable.”

She gets in front of the very long line of customers and orders me to get my manager. I gladly did so.

Manager: *To me.* “What did she order?”

Me: “A sundae.”

Manager: *To customer.* “Ma’am, you got what you ordered.”

She gets angry and refuses to leave, and customers are getting p***ed. My manager gave her a half off discount to get her to go away, which drives me NUTS, but I start heading to the back to get away from her and do dishes.

She walks up behind the counter, grabs my arm, and says:

Customer: “That wasn’t so hard, was it? Next time, be more considerate of the customers!”

Me: “Next time, order the thing you actually want.”

When my boyfriend was nineteen, he had a job at a smoothie shop. He worked with three other people and his boss. My boyfriend’s one stipulation before getting his job was that he not work with peanut butter since he is allergic. He’ll break out in hives, and if ingested, his throat will swell. Not bad enough for an EpiPen, but bad enough to need Benadryl. 

At this job, they made protein balls, and they were made with peanut butter.

One day, during a rush, my boyfriend was at the sink when the boss threw a big bowl of leftover peanut butter into the sink and told my boyfriend to wash it.

My Boyfriend: “I can’t touch that; I’ll have a breakout.”

Manager: “I need you to do it.”

After some arguing, my boyfriend, being the stubborn b***ard he is, said:

My Boyfriend: “Okay. Fine!”

Roughly five minutes later, his hands and arms are covered in hives. Once his arms and hands have visible hives, he takes a picture and sends it to the work group chat the owners are in, saying:

My Boyfriend: “Can someone cover my shift? I’m a tad under the weather.”

He walked out before anyone responded. Someone covered his shift, and the owners came in with the girl who covered the rest of his shift to yell at the boss.

The owners called my boyfriend and apologized for what happened.

Long story short, after that incident, along with stealing money from the registers and being creepy with the high school girls, the boss was fired.

Was it stupid to get an allergic reaction to make a point? Yes, he’s well aware. He was a spiteful teen with no sense of self-preservation, just pettiness. 

The owners liked him and gave him an espresso machine when he left, so he says, “it was worth it”. No. He wouldn’t and won’t do it again.

I’m working the counter when I see a teenage girl and her father come into the store.

Customer’s Daughter: “This is the place, Dad. You should try one! They’re good.”

Customer: *To me.* “What’s good?”

I hate this open question because we have twenty-four base smoothies, plus about a dozen “boosts” you can add that enhance flavors or add extra health benefits.

Me: “Well, did you want any specific flavor range? Sweet? Tart? Creamy? Fruity?”

Customer: “All seems a bit green and hippie to me. What are those boost things?”

Me: “Those can enhance the drink with extra health benefits, such as added protein or fiber.”

Customer: “I don’t need fiber! My bowels process food very quickly! I s*** almost immediately after eating, every time!”

Oooookay. We managed to get him a smoothie based on some of his daughter’s recommendations, with her looking more and more mortified as we proceeded.

He seemed to enjoy the smoothie, but not as much as he seemed to enjoy the twenty-minute restroom break he needed immediately after…