(While trying to help a customer decide on a drink, she mentions that she’s on a diet because her doctor said to, and wants something healthy.)

Me: “I’d suggest getting a juice. The Tahiti Squeeze is my personal favourite. It’s got apple juice, orange juice, and strawberries.

Customer: “What do you do with it?”

Me: “We cut up apples, we cut up oranges, we juice both of those, and then we add some strawberries.”

Customer: “And then what do you do with it?”

Me: “We blend it a little bit so the strawberries aren’t whole.”

Customer: “And then what do you do with it?”

Me: “We pour it in a cup?”

Customer: “It’s not going to spill while I’m walking, will it?”

Me: “No, we put a lid on it.”

Customer: “How do I drink it?”

Me: “With a straw?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll get that!”

(Overall her transaction took five minutes. We only have one cash, so there was quite the line up by the time she finally decided.)

(A guy in his early twenties comes to our smoothie shop which is located in a busy mall.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: *looking around suspiciously and sniffing* “Yeah, just get me one of those strawberry drinks. Large.”

(We have several strawberry drinks, but I see that he’s looking at a picture of one of our most popular drinks.)

Me: “Is that the [Strawberry Drink] you’re looking for?”

Customer: *pulling up his hood and rocking back and forth* “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Me: “Sure thing. Did you want any boosters with that?” *our boosters are a blend of vitamins in powder form that we add to our drinks*

Customer: “No.”

(I make his drink and hand it to him.)

Me: “That will be $5.75, please.”

(The customer then takes out a small baggy with white powder in it, keeping it close to his body. He lowers his voice.)

Customer: “Oh, yeah… put this in it.”

(The customer is now looking around shifting his gaze.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t add anything that does not belong to our company.”

(The customer becomes agitated.)

Customer: “WHY NOT?!”

Me: “Well, for instance, what if that is cocaine?”

(The customer BOLTS down the mall, bumping into two older ladies who are shopping.)

Next Customer: “Wow, that wasn’t suspicious at all…”

(I work in a popular smoothie shop. We normally don’t have a lot of problems with customers who have food allergies, but today a woman and her son come in who seem to be difficult to please.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Smoothie Shop]. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

(In an all of a sudden rude tone:)

Customer: “MY KID IS PB FREE!” *yes, she says ‘PB’ instead of peanut butter*

Me: “No problem. I will be happy to clean all our appliances and use our peanut butter free blender.”

Customer: “Ok, fine. I’ll have [Popular Drink].”

Me: “Perfect. Your total is $4.99.”

(She hands me cash and I proceed to make her drink. I grab a blender from the back that is never exposed to any of our other products. As I’m making her drink she yells.)

Customer: “THAT’S NOT PB FREE!”

(I try to assure her it is.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. Although it isn’t labelled it is a peanut butter free blender.”

Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY SON?! THAT’S OBVIOUSLY NOT PB FREE!”

(She causes a horrible commotion, and continues to yell at me, telling me that I’m incompetent. So I run to the back, get our label maker that we make name tags with, and label the same exact blender PB Free. I come back, show her the blender, and proceed to make her drink.)

Customer: “Finally! You understand my son’s needs.”

(I give her the drink and tell her to have a nice day.)

Son: “Mom, but I’m not even allergic to—”

Customer: “SHUT UP!”

Me: “‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]! ‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]!” *customer comes up* “Hey, here’s your ‘Strawberries Wild’.”

Customer: “This doesn’t have strawberries in it, does it? I’m deathly allergic to strawberries.”

Me: *blink* “…Let me make you a new smoothie…”

(In my store, we sell mainly natural real fruit smoothies, but we do have additions like vitamins, antioxidants, and whey protein. All of our additions are listed on our menu. A lady who looks to be in her mid 40s approaches my counter.)

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: *reading addition section* “What is protein?”

Me: *thinking she unfamiliar with “whey”* “Well, it’s protein made from dairy that’s been processed into a powder. Ours is vanilla flavored, so it goes well with all of our fruits.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, but what is protein?”

Me: *confused* “Protein? You mean the like the stuff you normally get from eating meat or eggs?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve never heard of it before. What is it?”