(I work for a credit card company. The calls are frustrating, and honestly, I am tempted to close so many accounts and transfer the customer to Spanish. This woman calls in confused about interest.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My name is [Caller]. Why is there a $1.63 charge in my account? It says it’s a finance charge?”

(Looking over her account I see she is referring to interest; the company just marks it on the statement as a finance charge.)

Me: “Ma’am, I show this is interest because you only make the minimum payment.”

Caller: “Yeah, because that is all I have to pay.”

Me: “That is what you have to pay to avoid a late fee, but to avoid interest you have to pay the full statement balance. I show you have been receiving interest for the last ten months.”

(I am about to end my shift and don’t want to argue, so I am going to offer to waive three months of the small, $2 charges to try and end the call, but before I can offer…)

Caller: “No. I just have to make the minimum. That is how I avoid it. I’m new at cards, but I know that is how it works. So, you are going to waive the interest and make sure it doesn’t show up again on my account.”

(I really want to yell at her but I decide to try and teach her with sense.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is not how interest is calculate—“

Caller: “How the h*** am I supposed to know that? I want it in writing!”

Me: “If you have a copy of your statement, it says it there—“ *reads off the whole paragraph of info* “It also said it on your terms and conditions you received with your card and whenever you make a payment.”

Caller: “What if I didn’t understand It?”

Me: “You could call in and we can explain it to you; that is what we are here for.”

Caller: “What if I don’t know what I need to ask? Or find out what I need to know if I don’t know?”

(Confused and in utter shock at the level of stupid I just heard, I have had it.)

Me: “Then you call in and start the call with, ‘I don’t understand how credit cards work; please enlighten me.’”

Caller: “F*** you, b****!”

(I hung up and noted how rude and stupid she was. Someone ended up listening to it and my supervisor came and spoke to me about it. They told me I should have just given her what she wanted. I left the next week.)

(My employee gets a contract for a project that needs about a dozen people. Since the physical office is very small, we decide to hire people who could work from home after receiving a short training session. We put up a job ad stating that is remote, full-time work, and I am told to screen the applicants through phone interviews.)

Applicant #1: “I don’t have a computer, so I’ll have to come to your office to work.”

Me: “We don’t have anywhere to put you. That is why we are only hiring for stay-at-home positions.”

Applicant #1: “But I don’t own a computer, so I’ll just come into the office.”

(Next:)

Applicant #2: “I can’t do full-time, so I’ll be working twenty hours and my girlfriend will do the other twenty.”

(Next:)

Applicant #3: “I’ve applied to your company before and I didn’t like the guy who interviewed me.”

Me: “He is not part of this project.”

Applicant #3: *rants about how much he hated my coworker*

(Next:)

Applicant #4: “I don’t have a computer, so is it okay if I go to my buddy’s house and use his?”

Me: “That is fine with me, but are you sure your friend doesn’t mind you being in his house all day?”

Applicant #4: “I’ll ask him and call you back.”

(He didn’t call back.)

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(I’m at rehearsal for my college’s jazz band. It’s toward the end of rehearsal and we are about two-thirds of the way through sight-reading our last piece of music for the night. Suddenly the bassist stops playing. Once the director notices, he cuts us off.)

Director: “What’s up, [Bassist]?”

Bassist: “I don’t have the last page.”

Director: “What?”

Bassist: “I don’t have the final page of the music.”

Director: “Hmm…”

Bassist: “I’ll try to get by without it; could you give me some of the chords?”

(I usually stand next to the bassist. There’s an extension cord laying on the ground by my feet, so I pick it up and hand it to him.)

Me: “Here’s a cord.”

(The entire band begins to groan at my terrible pun, but the bassist just stares at me with a confused look on his face.)

Bassist: “Okay?

(We start getting ready to play again, and then, right as the director is about to count us off…)

Bassist: “Ohhh! I did not get that until just now.”

(The pet salon where I work has a different monthly spa special you can add to your dog’s groom for an additional fee. This month we are partnering with a rescue to raise money for vet bills for a dog who broke his leg. We have a jar in the lobby guests can put change into if they don’t want to buy a spa, but still want to donate.)

Teenager: *comes in to pick up a dog*

Me: “Okay, your total is $59.”

(The teenager paid with $63, but when I handed him back the $3 and a $1 from the drawer, he didn’t say anything and took it, which was unusual because people tend to overpay like that to tip the groomer. I went back to get the dog, and when I came out, the guy had his entire hand in the donation jar! He pulled it out as soon as I approached, but I couldn’t see any money in his hand, so I couldn’t outright accuse him of stealing. Pretty sure he did, because he grabbed his dog and left as fast as possible.)

(I work for a fast food restaurant inside of a food court in a mall. Because of this, we have a slightly smaller menu, with basically no breakfast, compared to our stand-alone stores.)

Customer: “Do you guys have fries?”

Me: “Yes, we have them in a small, medium, or large.”

Customer: “But I can’t find it on the menu.”

(I show him on the overhead menu where it says fries in two places. In each spot, the fries accompany either a meal or drink.)

Customer: “But it only shows the fries with a meal or drink. I just want them by themselves.”

Me: “Yes, sir, you can get the fries by themselves in either a small, medium, or large.”

Customer: “I don’t see fries on the menu, though. I guess you don’t have them.”

(He walked away.)