Now, Listen Here, Cupcake!  

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2020

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Grooming Salon]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need Cupcake!”

Me: “One second, sir, let me see if Cupcake is ready to go home.”

(I look, but there is no Cupcake in the checkout file, the computer system, or the appointment book. Since many people have nicknames for their dogs, I ask for his last name.)

Me: “What is your last name, sir?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller].”

(I recheck but I can’t find anything.)

Me: “Sir, I’m really sorry. Perhaps Cupcake went to a different grooming salon?”

Caller: “NO! I don’t need my dog groomed! I don’t even have a dog! I just know that everyone who grooms is a lady! You belong in the kitchen! Make me a cupcake now!”

Me: “I think that [Grocery Store] sells cupcakes… Have a great day!”

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Unfiltered Story #181207

, , | Unfiltered | January 2, 2020

Our salon has some self serve tubs for people to come in and wash their dog themselves. A woman with an unruly boxer comes in and we set her up in a tub with everything she needs. A couple minutes later….

Customer: Ma’am!

Me: Yes? Is everything ok?

Customer: The tub is filling up with water! It won’t drain!

We’ve never had a problem with this so I walk over to see what happened

Me: …. Um you have to take the hair out of the drain. *removes hair from drain catch*

(As anyone with a dog will know, they shed everywhere, especially when in the bath.)

Customer: Oh! I had no idea! She’s just shedding so much I didn’t know what to do! Thank you!

My coworker and I exchange a look that only people who work in customer service know, the “I can’t believe that actually happened” look.

Not The Dog That’s Stupid  

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2019

(I work at a grooming salon corporation and I try daily to get enough information about different products; that way I can offer help and solutions to customers who are having problems beyond their grooming experience. A customer comes in dragging her dog, an Afghan. She has a harness on her dog and an “animal stretcher,” which is basically a rag with two handles on the short ends, underneath the dog’s belly. The handles and the leash are in the same hand. I have just came out of the back.)

Me: “Hello! What can we do for you?”

Customer: “I’m here for [Coworker].”

(My coworker comes up and begins talking to the woman about the haircut she wants for her dog.)

Customer: “I don’t want him bathed, and I don’t want that stupid slip lead leash around his neck. It’ll snap his neck. And I don’t want him on the table. He pulls so much; you really need to be careful with him.”

Me: “If he pulls a lot, I can suggest a Halty. It just goes around his nose and behind his ears and the leash attaches to this part.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no! He would snap his neck! He would break his neck! He’d slip out of that and get hit by a car! He is too smart for that!”

Me: “Oh, it’s specifically designed to keep dogs from slipping out, and it would be very hard for him to break his neck if used properly.”

Customer:Oh, no! He is so stupid. I mean they are the smartest dogs in the world but they are so stupid!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “He would rather starve than eat anything that he doesn’t like! I only feed him [Fast Food Place known for roast beef sandwiches] and steak! He would rather starve! He is so stupid. I mean, they are so stupid, they can’t even have sex by themselves! That’s why they have breeders!”

Me: *looking at my coworkers* “I’m sorry. I have to leave this planet.”

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Flea, You Fools!

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2019

(I’m alone in the shop one day when one of the manager’s regular clients comes in and literally throws her chihuahua at me over the desk.)

Customer: “BOBBY HAS FLEAS!”

Me: “Bobby always has fleas, ma’am. You need to have your house treated.”

Customer: “GIVE HIM A FLEA BATH; THAT WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH!”

Me: “He’s just going to get fleas again when you bring him home.”

Customer: “GIVE HIM A FLEA TREATMENT! THEN THEY WILL LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

Me: “They can still get on him when he has the treatment. They’ll just die when they bite him; it doesn’t magically make the fleas disappear from your house.”

Customer: “JUST GIVE HIM A BATH! I HAVE TO GO!”

Me: *sighing* “You have to fill out the paperwork, ma’am.”

(This was a regular occurrence. I just feel bad for Bobby.)

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Unfiltered Story #162090

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2019

Note: While I’m a mobile groomer I rarely meet people (usually going to their homes) but one client moved and still wanted to use us. So a week earlier she makes an appointment to meet at a big box store parking lot. I get there early and is sitting in the front of the van on my phone.

Her:(pulling up next to me and waving) Hi

Me: (I get up and go through the back, leaving the large sliding door open) Hi there.

Her: We have an appointment today right?

Me: (thinking: you just drove 30 mins didn’t you and found me here) Yes we do

Her: Oh I thought it was 30 mins from now, do you have someone you are working on.

Me: (I look back at the empty interior) Ummm no, I had you down for this time and here you are, why don’t we get started.

Her: Ok! (after handing me the terrier) So like an hour should I be back?

Me: It’ll be at least a hour and fifteen.

Her: So an hour then.

Me: I’m pretty sure at least a hour and fifteen minutes, but if it’s less time I’ll call.

Her: No I’ll just me back by the hour and stay outside.

She leaves and doesn’t come back until a hour and ten minutes; and after partially handstripping, bathing, drying, haircut and scissoring, I am done at a hour and fifteen minutes.