(My sister is a lot older than me. She is also married. At the moment, she is talking to my mom. I am twelve.)
Sister: “Ugh, he just works all the time and doesn’t help with the house or kids…” *complains some more, and then she turns towards me* “[My Name], be a lesbian; it’s easier.”
(Now it’s a few years later… I followed her advice.)
We were young. We were in love. We had great friends who helped us out when we got married. It was thirty-four years ago. All that made it possible to throw our wedding for less than $400.
When an acquaintance at college asked about our wedding, she pressed for the financials. When I told her, she said, “Then you’re not really married!”
I avoided her after that. (By the way, we are still happily married.)
(It’s about 10:30 pm. My parents and I have just left the Giants game and have boarded a shuttle that takes us to our parking lot about two miles away. There are about fifteen other people on the bus. In the area around the ballpark, there’s a lot of construction, trying to revamp that area of the city and prepare for the America’s Cup coming up in a little over a month.)
Person: *getting on the bus* “Are you taking us back to where you picked us up before?”
Driver: “I’m sorry?”
Person: “Are you taking us back to where you picked us up before?”
Driver: “Where was that? I drop off at several places.”
Person: “You know, it’s a parking lot. You’re the one that picked us up!”
Driver: “Sir, I picked up hundreds of people before the game. I’m also dropping off at several parking lots. Which one was it?”
Person: “I don’t remember which one. It was the one next to construction, and between two buildings!”
(Just about everyone’s jaw drops, and my dad, who is sitting in the front row, puts his face in his hands.)
Driver: “Really? Did you really just say that?”
(I work for a wholesaler that you have to order merchandise from by catalog. The catalogs are old and very complicated; even my manager has a lot of trouble understanding them. Hence, we get a lot of problems with the order. Most customers are understanding of this. One day, I do my best with a pregnant customer who has ordered baby items, but the merchandiser writes back and says she has to order another item. I call the customer, who is very upset and slams the phone down in my ear. A few minutes later, the pregnant customer storms into our store and shouts at my coworker, who is in the middle of talking to another customer.)
Pregnant Customer: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I HAVE TO ORDER ANOTHER ITEM?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE I ORDERED IT?!”
Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m talking to this person. If you’ll wait—”
Pregnant Customer: *bellowing* “NO, I WON’T! NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE TO FIX THIS PROBLEM WHEN YOU SHOULD’VE KNOWN THIS!” *to the other customers, who are staring at her in wide-eyed horror* “HEY, EVERYONE! DON’T SHOP HERE BECAUSE THESE F****** EMPLOYEES DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING! THEY’RE SOOO F****** STUPID!”
(My manager heard the commotion and tried to calm her down. The pregnant customer left in a huff, swearing to never come back and kicking an entire shelf down. A few weeks later, she returned with a calmer attitude and a brand-new baby and apologized for her behavior. We accepted her back, but I feel sorry for her newborn!)
Me: “Hi! What can I get started for you today?”
Customer: “I would like an extra dry, no foam cappuccino.”
Me: “So, a cappuccino is a foamy espresso drink. A dry cappuccino is mostly foam. A wet cappuccino has less foam, would you like that instead?”
Customer: “No! I want it extra dry, but make sure it has no foam.”
Me: “Would you like a no foam latte, instead? A cappuccino, by definition, has foam in it.”
Customer: “Yes, okay, but make sure it’s extra dry.”
Related:
Cappuccino-No-No
