There’s A Lot A Motto With This Family

, , , , , | Related | September 12, 2017

(My dad is going over missed vocabulary words with my nine-year-old brother. My sisters and I are sitting nearby, being oh-so-helpful.)

Dad: “What’s a sermon?”

Sister #1: “A really long boring thing Mom makes us listen to on Sundays.”

Brother: *gives definition*

Dad: “Okay, what’s a conspiracy?”

Sister #2: “Aliens built the pyramids.”

Sister #3: “No, it’s Bigfoot was the reason for earthquakes!”

Brother: *gives definition*

Dad: “What’s a motto?”

Me: “Nothing, what’s a motto with you?!”

Brother: *cracks up*

Sisters: *singing* “It means no worries, for the rest of your daaaaaays!”

Dad: “I really should have known better on that one.”

Me: “Hakuna.”

Sisters: “Matata.”

Me: “Hakuna.”

Sisters: “Matata.”

Brother: “Hakuuuu-uuuuuuna Matata.” *pause* “I don’t know what a motto is.”

Harassing Your Harasser

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 12, 2017

Back in middle school, I had a growth spurt that made me the tallest girl in my grade, and taller than most of the boys. Despite being about as curvy as a broom, I got some unwanted attention.

One day, I was at my locker and suddenly felt an arm around my waist. This short guy I’d never seen before, so short the top of his head was below my shoulder, was trying to lead me away.

This kid was calling me “babe” and talking about introducing “his girl” to “his boys,” but didn’t even tell me his name when I asked. I pried his hand off my hip and hurried off to class.

Every locker break after that, he’d show up and put his arm around me, trying to chat me up, without ever asking me anything about myself. No matter how many times I told him to go away, twisted his fingers, pinched him, or shoved him, his arm was glued to my waist until locker break was over.

I never did figure out his name. He had the same haircut as half the boys in my grade, and I didn’t really trust my teachers.

One day I’d had enough.

I had just opened my locker and taken my backpack and books out when he showed up again. He was expecting me to shove him away; he was not expecting me to put my arm behind him and frog-march him into my locker. I nearly got the door shut all the way before he began flailing and ran out.

Nobody ever said anything to me about it, even though there were plenty of witnesses. I never got in trouble. I never saw the little pest again, either.

I felt guilty until I learned what “sexual harassment” was a few years later.

Professor Omnomnom

, , , , , | Learning | September 12, 2017

(I’m a TA and PhD student. The undergrads are taking summer classes, and most them are new and confused. I’m hurrying to class, and eating a burrito at the same time. Just as I stuff the last of the burrito into my mouth, a lost-looking student stops me.)

Student: “Excuse me, Professor… uh…”

(I look down and notice that my ID card has flipped around. I try to tell him I’m not a professor, but with my mouth full…)

Me: “Mnahprofshr.”

Student: “Oh! I’m looking for Professor Smith. Sorry to bother you, Professor Naprofsher!”

(I tried to correct him, but he escaped while I was laughing and choking on burrito.)

Unfiltered Story #93687

, , , | Unfiltered | September 12, 2017

I work in a Call Center that does Tech help for Hospitals. Most calls are about password resets or lock out but occasionally we get a call for changes that have nothing to do with technical help.

Caller: I have a blue light that keeps shining and I would like to have it turned off.

Me: Is this on the laptop or desktop?

Caller: No this is on the Monitor.

Me: What light are you seseing? Is it something on the screen that will not go away.

Caller: no it is on the side. I will email you a picture I took of it.

I take a look at the image she took with her camera and sent to the helpdesk.
Me: That is the power button that is always lit up as blue. If you turn it off then you will turn off the monitor. If the light is bothering you then you can put a post it or s a small bit of colored tape over it.

Caller: So there is nothing else that can be done then.

Me: No, it is always on as it shows the monitor is on.

Caller hangs up as she was hoping somehow we could change this.

Unfiltered Story #93819

, , | Unfiltered | September 12, 2017

(My internet is running slow so I call the provider. It always takes you through automated troubleshooting first, so I sit patiently and do as the robot voice tells me.)

Robot: “What operating system is your computer running?”

Me: “Windows 10.”

Robot: “I’m sorry; I don’t recognize that. What operating system is your computer running?”

Me: “…uh, Windows 10.”

Robot: “I’m sorry, I don’t—”

(I get stuck there, as it just doesn’t seem to understand what I’m saying. Finally, I ask to speak to an agent.)

Agent: “How may I help you?”

Me: “My internet is slow and I tried using your automated trouble-shooter, but it got stuck when it asked for my operating system. Apparently it doesn’t like Windows 10.”

Agent: “…of course. Let’s get this sorted.”

(At the end of the call:)

Me: “I feel sorry for you guys; if the trouble-shooter isn’t updated, you must be getting a lot of calls like mine.”

Agent: “At least once a week, I hear from someone who says ‘The robot doesn’t know what Windows 10 is.'”

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