The Ring-Bearer Of Bad News

, , | Romantic | June 20, 2017

(My husband and I have been married for about six months and he is great at losing things, including his wedding ring a few times. Yesterday evening he was smoking chicken and ribs and decided to take his ring off and set it by the sink. Worried that it would be lost down the drain, I moved it to the pocket of my pajamas.  At one point I was seated on the couch and he decided to tickle me. After wrestling around I got up and walked away, only to put my hand in my pocket and find it empty.)

Me: “Honey? Um… I might have sort of lost something.”

Husband: “What did you lose?”

Me: “I may possibly have lost your wedding ring.”

Husband: “No you didn’t. I put it by the sink while I was cooking.”

Me: “Right… And I picked it up and put it in my pocket so that it wouldn’t get pushed down the drain.”

Husband: “It wouldn’t get pushed down the drain anyway. It was by the sink, not in it.”

Me: “On the edge. And with our luck, yes, it would have fallen down and I didn’t want you to lose it again.”

Husband: “So you put it in your pocket, and then lost it?”

Me: “That sounds accurate.”

(Since he had been tickling me, we immediately began pulling the cushions off of the couch. I was beginning to panic and became frustrated with myself when we couldn’t locate it. We went through every single cushion, with my husband holding it up and reaching his hand back while I shined a flashlight and checked underneath. Finally, he sat back laughing as I was on the verge of tears.)

Husband: “Honey… Stop. It’s okay.”

Me: “No! It’s not! I lost your ring.”

Husband: “No, you didn’t.”

Me: “It’s missing, and I last had it, so yes, I did.”

Husband: “No, love. Look.”

(He then held his hand up, with a huge grin on his face. He was wearing his wedding ring. Apparently he had found it halfway through our search, slipped it on while I was checking under the couch, and then had me shine the light where he was feeling around in hopes that I would see he was wearing it. I was completely oblivious because I was so focused on checking the couch!)

Nuts About Honesty

, , , , | Related | June 20, 2017

(I hear my sons, three and eight, squabbling a little in their bedroom. Suddenly the eldest yells, and the younger one squeals and bursts into a wail. The younger boy comes running to me and says indignantly:)

Youngest Son: “[Brother] HIT me!”

Me: “What were you doing immediately before he hit you?”

Youngest Son: *with an angelic straightforwardness* “I kicked him in the nuts.”

(I suppressed my laughter and pointed out that that’s what happens when you do that to people. He was not amused.)

A Thief With Baggage

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(I am at a small-chain grocery store on one of their busiest days because they run significant discounts. I pick up a loaf of artisan bread, put it in my cart next to my reusable bags (in California, people often bring our own because store bags are at least 10 cents each), and take a number at the deli. While I am being served at the deli, somebody walks away with my cart. It happens sometimes when the store is crowded, so I don’t make a fuss about it, take another cart, and hope that my bags will be returned at the cash register when the erring customer discovers they took somebody else’s cart by mistake. About 20 minutes into my shopping, I hear angry screeching at the cash register, so, curious, I go to see what’s going on. Here is what I observe:)

Customer: “You are making me pay for things I did not put in the cart! You are trying to sell me this expensive bread, and I didn’t take it!”

Cashier: “I am sorry, ma’am. As I said, if you don’t want it, we can return it to the bakery. I already took it off.”

Customer: “You tried to cheat me! You tried to pass this bread on me! Who the h*** charges $4.99 for a loaf of bread?!”

Cashier: “This is artisan bread made fresh every couple of hours, but you do not have to pay for it, ma’am. We are going to take it back to the bakery.”

Customer: “You are thieves! I did not put this bread into my cart! You put it there!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I am not saying you put it there. Maybe another customer did it by mistake, thinking it was their cart. We are not charging you for it. Can I process your payment now, please?”

Customer: “It’s enough that you are charging for bags now! Anything to make profit! Thieves!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I have no control over the bag charge. It’s the state law. We are not charging you for the bread. Can you please pay for your order now?”

Customer: *suddenly calm* “Yes. And I don’t want any of your overpriced store bags. I have my own.”

(Too stunned to say anything, I saw the hag hand her MY reusable bags. They are quite distinctive because several of them are from the conferences I have attended in my profession over the past years, and one is from a fundraiser from my children’s school. It would be quite a bizarre coincidence for somebody else to have the exact same set of assorted reusable bags. Unfortunately, I was too flabbergasted to claim them, and the pilferer walked out of the store with them.)

Unfiltered Story #90051

, | Unfiltered | June 20, 2017

(Every cashier has to ask for the customer’s phone number before ringing them up. Giving the number is voluntary and is only used to look up a purchase if the customer lost their receipt and wants to return something).

Me: Can I get a phone number?

(The customer slams down his one item).

Customer: No!

(He storms off and proceeds to yell about how he can’t even buy something without giving his phone number).

A Boost For Good Parenting

, , , , , | Right | June 19, 2017

(It’s a remarkably slow Thursday at our store. I’m working the counter when a kid and his dad walk in. His dad doesn’t speak great English, and he doesn’t know exactly what his kid wants, but he knows he doesn’t want to spend TOO much!)

Kid: “Hi, I’m looking for [Product]? Do you have it?”

Me: “Of course! It’s right over here.”

Kid: “Dad! I told you they had them! How much?”

Me: “Well, because this is a booster box, it’s going to be [price over a hundred dollars].”

Kid: “Dad, where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket*

Dad: “Hold on, hold on; it’s over a hundred? Really? What’s in this box? I don’t know.”

Kid: “Never mind. Where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket; his dad waves him off*

(Because the box is smaller than a lot of our other boxes of the same product, it looks like you’re getting less. The thing is, the bigger boxes have less — they just have other stuff in them. For instance, a booster box has thirty-six booster packs of cards, but it’s all contained in a small box; a bundle/elite trainer box is a bigger box, but it only has eight to ten booster packs of cards, a card box, and some other things, but the box containing it all is so much bigge r it looks like you’re getting more. I explain this to the dad, and show him the difference between the products. Yes, the bundle/elite trainer boxes are cheaper by a VERY large amount.)

Me: “So this is a booster. It has ten cards. This is a booster box, it has 36 boosters. This is an Elite Trainer box. It only has eight booster packs, a card box, some dice, and sleeves for the cards to keep them safer if your son is playing the game.”

Dad: “Ugh, I’m too old for this!” *to his son* “Are you sure you don’t want the Elite Trainer box? It’s only [price]!”

Kid: “No, Dad, I want a booster box! I already have the Elite Trainer box! Where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket again; his dad waves him off again*

Dad: “But what’s the difference again? I’m too old for this.”

(I patiently explain it again. The kid is getting annoyed. Please note, I’m not getting frustrated at all. I actually find it kind of funny when the kids just tell their parents to get something, especially when the parents don’t speak English very well. I’m trying to help the parent but I’m also trying to play devil’s advocate.)

Me: “If you weren’t looking for the entire box, you could always get packs. The thing is, the booster box is the cheapest way to get a lot of packs; they go down to about $3 apiece.”

Dad: “Hmm… I think I’m just too old for this… What is this again?”

Kid: “Where’s your wallet!” *goes for his dad’s pocket AGAIN*

Me: “Okay, okay, look. Hon, put your hands up here on the counter.” *Kid does so* “Now you’ve got to promise me: you’re going to do your chores. You’re going to make your bed. You’re going to eat ALL your vegetables. For the NEXT. WEEK. You got that? And THEN you can MAYBE buy the box, IF your dad lets you! AND you’re going to explain this ENTIRE GAME to your dad. You got that?”

(The dad is cracking up and the kid just looks frustrated. It’s adorable.)

Dad: “How much was it again?”

Me: “It’s [price over a hundred dollars].”

Dad: “All right, we’ll get the booster box.”

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