Unfiltered Story #101073

, | Unfiltered | November 29, 2017

(About 15 years ago I went to a candy store with my then-girlfriend. They were playing music in the store that confused me. It would take far too long to explain why, so just know that I was baffled by what I was hearing.)

Me: *noticing music* *to myself* “What the? Why does it sound so weird?”

(The song ends and then another one begins–the same confusing elements are there.)

Me: *to myself again* “What in the world?” *I emote my confusion in an animated manor*

(In the course of about 2 seconds, I look at my girlfriend to see if she’s hearing it, too, but she’s focused on her candy. Then I lock eyes with another girl in the store who is staring right back at me and smiling. I translate her expression and demeanor to mean that she hears what I’m hearing.)

Me: *to girl* “Are you hearing this? It’s like it’s the songs but it’s not the songs, I don’t know what this is about . . .”

Girl: *without breaking her gaze or her smile, she replied evenly and calmly* “Candy’s just exciting, I guess. We’ve all got to get excited about candy.” *she turns and walks to the front of the store to the register*

(I’m now double confused. I look to my girlfriend again but she’s still focused on her candy. By this point the girl is gone and so is any chance of me ever figuring out what she thought I was saying and why she seemed so confident about it.)

Wanted Anything… Except THAT

, , , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

Waitress: “And what would you like to drink?”

Me: “I don’t know. Anything. Surprise me.”

(She gives me this devilish smile that makes me instantly feel like I’m going to regret this.)

Waitress: “So, just to clarify: you want anything?”

Me: “Yep. Go crazy.”

Waitress: “I’ll be right back.”

(She comes back a few minutes later and sets my drink down on the table. She has made me a “root beer” float with mint chocolate chip ice cream and rainbow sprinkles, only instead of using root beer she has mixed [Dark Soda], [Lemon Lime Soda], and fruit punch. And then, once I start drinking it, I realize there is a strip of bacon torn into pieces at the bottom. It is the grossest thing I’ve ever had, but I drink it, anyway, because I really did say, “Anything.” The waitress returns later to ask how everything is.)

Waitress: “Holy crap! You actually drank that?”

Me: “Yes. If you ever see me in here after this and I ask you to surprise me again, please slap me with a menu and make me actually pick something.”

(She brought me some chocolate milk to wash the taste down and didn’t charge me for the first drink, because, apparently, the fact that I actually drank it was the funniest thing ever to her and her coworkers.)

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Working Here Beats The Humanity Out Of You

, , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I am calling a computer company in regards to paying my bill. A pre-recorded message picks up.)

Message: “[Business]. For help servicing your computer, press one. For setting up an appointment, press two. For pricing information, press three. To speak to any available human, press zero.”

(I stop and look at the phone a few seconds, then proceed to press zero.)

Employee: “Hello, [Employee] speaking. Thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, is this a human?”

(Long silence.)

Employee: “I think so.”

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Double The Room For Error

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(I have just checked in a guest who was very unhappy with her room, so I switched her to another right across the hallway.)

Another Guest: “There are some people running back and forth between [Room #1] and [Room #2]. Their noise is waking me up.”

(I realize it’s the guest that I switched earlier, so I send a security guard to check it out. He reports that the guest’s kids are staying in the new room and she and her husband are sleeping in the old one. I call the guest.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can only have one room. If you want the second, you have to pay for it.”

Guest: *arguing* “Can’t we just keep it like this?”

(She argued and then finally agreed to move to her new room. Basically, she was trying to get two rooms for the price of one! Some people…)

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Too Many Assumptions Spoil The Broth

, , , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I’m interviewing for a position as a dishwasher in a local diner, and the manager seems nice.)

Manager: “Would you like to be a cook?”

Me: “Um, no. I don’t know how to cook.”

Manager: “Who doesn’t know how to cook?”

Me: “Me.”

(He kept insisting that I be a cook, even though I told him I would rather wash dishes. He seemed very disappointed and never called me back. I found another job elsewhere. I don’t know why they would advertise for a dishwasher and need a cook. Very weird.)

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