Usually, my call centre is an amazing place to work. It’s near some beautiful natural surroundings, the architecture is very pretty, and my coworkers rock! Our callers are usually okay, too, but we sadly do get some nasty pieces of work occasionally. I’m nonbinary (which my company is really cool about) and I’ve politely asked the customer not to call me by a gendered honorific and politely explained that I do not wish to discuss my gender with strangers. The call has gone very smoothly until this:

Me: “Well, if there’s nothing else, I’d like to wish you a great day!”

Caller: “Yeah, I hope you have a horrible one.”

Me: *Small stunned pause* “Oh, dear! I’m sorry… May I ask what went wrong?”

Caller: “Yeah, you’re a f****** weirdo, dude! Get me your manager!”

The customer went on to rant for quite some time at my total teddy bear of a boss upon transfer. It turned out that he had just gotten out of a thirteen-hour workday, but that is no excuse for bigotry.

I work for a grocery store in the pickup department. Sometimes, we’re out of a product a customer wants, and when that happens we try to substitute a similar item. The customer can then accept or reject those substitutions.

We are out of non-organic cherries so I substitute organic cherries. The customer rejects this substitution. Okay, maybe the customer doesn’t know that we price match; that happens sometimes. Nope.

The customer calls in with an unrelated question and I bring up the cherries.

Me: “I saw that you rejected the substitution of organic cherries. I just wanted to let you know that we price match, so you would be getting the same thing for the lower price. Would you like the cherries?”

Customer: “No, I like meat.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Organic means vegetarian. I’m not a vegetarian. I like meat.”

I tried to explain but the customer still didn’t seem like she understood, and she rejected the cherries in the end.

We’re about to close. I’m running customer service, and my coworker running our self-serve checkout comes up to me with a box of shoes and the customer saying she needs help with a price adjustment that seems fishy. He wants a pair of shoes that are on sale for $25 for $5.

Customer: “Well, there’s a tag that says five dollars.”

Me: “We have sample price tags that show what our clearance stickers look like. They say ‘Example’ over them to make it less confusing.”

Customer: “No, it said it was $5.”

Me: “You know what, if you want to take a picture of it and show it to me, I’ll see what I can do.”

He runs off to get the picture, and I work on closing the customer service desk. When he comes back, he shows me the picture. Sure enough, it is an example price that has “Example” pasted over the image, above, and below it.

Me: “Sir, that’s an example tag. The shoes are $25.”

Customer: “You’re not going to honor the price?”

Me: *Laughing and trying not to cry* “No, it’s not a real price, sir.”

Customer: “You sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s not. A real. Price. I’m not giving you shoes for a fake sale price. Do you want the shoes?”

Customer: “Sure.”

He dropped $30 and pays easily as if we hadn’t just spent minutes arguing over a sample clearance tag. It looked like there was nothing going on in his head. I’m surprised we came to an agreement. That concluded a very long day.

I’m working at the customer service desk when a guy and a girl come up, maybe twenty at the oldest. He saunters up to the desk and puts his hand down, turning to his friend to roll his eyes. He mouths, “Watch this,” to his companion.

Me: *Smiling* “Hi, how—”

Male Customer: “You are going to give me a refund.”

Me: “Did you buy something you didn’t like? I can take a look and—”

Male Customer: *In a mocking, sing-song tone* “No, sweet cheeks, you don’t understand.”

Me: “What did you buy?”

Male Customer: *Sighs* “I bought this VISA gift card here, like, two weeks ago? And you guys charged me twice.”

I’m almost sure this isn’t possible since each card has its own activation ID.

Me: “Okay, can I see the receipt?”

Male Customer: “Why? Just give me the money.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but in order to process a refund, I need to see how much was charged, the date, and how you paid.”

Male Customer: “Nooo. I went to [Mall Store] and you guys charged me twice for it.”

Me: “Umm, I think there’s some confusion. Can I see what you’re talking about?”

Male Customer: “Fine.”

He pulls up a transaction history on his phone, showing that he has used the card at various places, including the mall.

Female Customer: “See? Two charges. That’s theft. You could be sued!”

Me: “I see. So, here where it says [Mall Store] twice—”

Male Customer: “Yeah?”

Me: “That means [Mall Store] charged you twice.”

Male Customer: “Okay, so just give me back my money.”

Me: “I can’t do that. It’s—”

Female Customer: “Is it because he’s gay?”

Me: “No. It’s because we didn’t charge him.”

Male Customer: *Loudly* “You know I’m gay and you’re refusing a refund? Is that how [My Store] treats people?”

Me: *Firmly* “Look. [Mall Store] charged you twice. Not us. If it said [My Store] twice, then it would be our fault.”

Male Customer: *Scoffs* “Jesus, you are dumb! I paid you!”

Me: “To buy the card.”

Male Customer: “And now there are duplicate charges on my card!”

Me: “From [Mall Store].”

Male Customer: “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing but—”

Female Customer: “Hold on. This says [Mall Store].”

Male Customer: “Yeah?”

Female Customer: “Did they charge you twice?”

Male Customer: “What?!”

He looks at the same list of transactions he showed me.

Female Customer: “You have to go to [Mall Store].”

Male Customer: “Oh.” *Pauses* “Ohh!”

They both laugh and playfully slap each other.

Me: “Okay, now that we have that sorted out, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Male Customer: “No. We figured it out on our own.”

Me: *Sigh of relief* “Excellent, well, you two have a won—”

Male Customer: “Did you know that God hates [gay slur]s?”

Me: *Tight smile* “You guys have a wonderful day.”

I gesture toward the store, hinting that they should leave.

Male Customer: “I love them!”

The girl blew me a kiss before they linked arms and walked away.

Years ago, my sister and I were sharing a pizza at a nationwide pizza place. A young child was being allowed to run rampant around the dining room. Just as my sister extended her leg to slide out of our booth, the kid came zipping up, tripped over my sister’s leg, and did a Superman pose, flying for about five feet, just missing a waitress carrying a full tray.

He stopped running after that.

My sister was so horrified that she hid in the bathroom for about five minutes.