The Next Bachelorette

, , | Right | July 2, 2009

(An elderly lady walks into a clothes store. She is wearing an exceedingly bright hat with a large, floppy flower on it. She obviously likes the hat very much because she looks at herself in every mirror she walks by.)

Employee: “You sure look spiffy today, ma’am!”

Elderly Lady: “Young man, I look spiffy EVERY day!”


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The Geese Will Never Know What Hit ‘Em

, , , | Right | June 18, 2009

(At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)

Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”

Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”

Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”

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A Very Loose-Knit Family

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2009

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eat with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

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Fudge In Flight

, , , | Right | June 9, 2009

Customer: “This isn’t a hot fudge sundae.”

Coworker: “No, it isn’t. I’m afraid we don’t make it with hot fudge here.”

Customer: “Then I’m not paying for it!”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to. The menu states that it’s not made with hot fudge.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws the ice cream at my coworker*

Coworker: *covered with ice cream* “I’m suddenly glad we don’t have hot fudge.”


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By Doing Nothing, The Problem Solves Itself

, , | Right | June 3, 2009

I work in a call centre for a company that sends out collectible subscriptions like DVD sets and magazines.

Customer: *on the phone* “I’m turning you in for mail fraud! I don’t want any more of your stuff!”

Me: *checking* “Okay, you were already taken off the list a few weeks ago.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want your magazine!”

Me: “I’ll need to transfer you to the magazine department so they can cancel that for you.”

Customer: “I don’t get the magazine!”

Me: “So you’re only getting DVDs, then?

Customer: “I haven’t gotten any DVDs!”

Me: “So… what are you getting from us?”

Customer: “Nothing!”

Me: “Okay… then I guess you’re all set…”

Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

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