Me: “Lawn and Garden, this is [My Name].”
(The customer, a very nice lady, explains that she needs a part number for a belt on her riding lawn mower, but she can’t find the manual and doesn’t know the model number of the mower. I have her describe the mower for me so I can narrow it down.)
Customer: “Well, it’s last year’s Cub Cadet model with the 48-inch dick.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “I mean DECK!”
(It took me a good minute or two to stop laughing.)
(A customer walks up to the box office, obviously very angry. She throws a newspaper down onto the counter.)
Customer: “Sir, these showtimes are wrong.”
Me: “Ma’am, those are yesterday’s showtimes.”
Customer: *smugly* “Well, why are they in today’s paper?”
Me: “That’s yesterday’s paper.”
Customer: “Oh… well, they’re still wrong!”
Me: “…”
This story is part of the Customers-Who-Will-Die-On-Their-Hill-themed roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
13 Hilarious Stories About Customers Who Dialed The Wrongest Number Ever
Read the next Customers-Who-Will-Die-On-Their-Hill roundup story!
Read the Customers-Who-Will-Die-On-Their-Hill-themed roundup!
(My boss spent thirty-five years in the Army, and it shows. He is famous for quoting motivational posters.)
Boss: *to camper* “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.”
Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.”
Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?”
Camper: *to me* “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?”
A woman with her young son come up to the counter.
Me: “Hello, ma’am, and welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”
Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”
Customer: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”
Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”
Customer: “No, he isn’t.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”
Customer: “HOW F****** DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D*** YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”
Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”
(I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)
Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”
(My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)
Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”
Customer: “Oh, shut the f*** up.”
Did you find this story on our Burger Day roundup?
Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”
Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”
Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”
Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”
Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”
Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”
(I have decided at this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)
Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”
Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”
(Suddenly, the customer calms down.)
Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”
Me: “Well, is your screen on?”
Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”
Me: “Right-click.”
Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”
Me: *thud thud thud*
Customer: “What was that?”
Me: “Guess.”
