23 Stories About Customers Who Were Dumber Than The Burgers They Ordered

Dear readers,

Today is International Burger Day! There’s nothing quite like a piece of greasy meat and tangy sauces combined with melted cheese, crispy lettuce, a thick cut of tomato, and some pickles for kick – preferably consumed at 4 am, from a drive-thru!

However you enjoy them (or not!) – let us take a moment to think about the employees whose job it is to get those burgers into our hands, and some of the terrible, weird, or just downright stupidity they have to deal with when the customer can’t seem to tell the difference between a hamburger and a cheeseburger.

We’ve sizzled through our archives to serve up 23 stories of burger-themed face-palms, with a side of head-desks! We hope you enjoy!

Variety Is The Vice Of Life – There is such a thing as a gourmet burger. Hopefully, there is such a thing as a customer who knows that.

Customer Vs Cook: The Heat Is On – The laws of thermodynamics are your friend!

A High Credit Limit – This guy is high, but his bank balance won’t be.

Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3 – This… manager… is… awesome!

Math Is Your Friend, Part 4 – Next time just start with the burger, unless you get stuck counting the patties.

When Super-Sized Burgers Meet Bite-Sized Brains – These customers certainly have some mouths on them!

Seven Sons For Seven Burgers – No matter what he says, it’s good work and without them he’d have to feed his own family!

Random Encounters – Uh… what?!

Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence – If they don’t understand the fundamental process of coupons maybe they shouldn’t eat unsupervised.

Telling Porkies – What’s the furthest thing from vegetarian on the menu? They’ll have that – with bacon.

Give One, Get One Free – Stupidity pays! As long as you’re not the stupid one.

2 Guys, A Lie, And A Burger Place – What’s the code for fake?

Stupidity In Bloom – If nothing else, we’re sure this burger is really pretty.

Half A Brain And A Pound Foolish – They serve the thick burger, they get the thick customers.

More Truffle Than It’s Worth – Their behavior has mushroom for improvement – as do our pun-writing skills.

Insert Karate Stereotype Here – Yes, yes, we know Karate isn’t Chinese, I guess when we stereotype we get things wrong…

Meatheaded – If you have to explain to them how a menu works then you’ve already lost.

Don’t Press Your Luck – Give them an inch and they’ll ask for onion rings…

Directionally Challenged – He’s still out there… walking…

It’s What’s For Dinner – We recommend you read this whole thing in a Boston accent – thanks commenters!

Head Explodes In 5, 4, 3… – The way it comes, is on your head!

Will Stop Playing For Food – Sometimes you just have to go for the bigger win.

Hopefully His Poop Is Invisible Too – Fraud, hamburgers, invisible babies – this story has it all!

And finally, a bonus story that still contains a terrible customer, but a pretty awesome one, too!

Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ – High fives for everyone!

We hope you enjoyed this collection of stories with fries! Know any that we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to submit your own story? Do it here!

Stay safe, everyone!