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I Can So See This On Broadway

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2008

(I’m hurrying to the bathroom as a foreign couple starts flailing at me.)

Me: “How can I he–”

Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!”

Me: “A fax machine?”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!”

Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.”

(I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carry.)

Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?”

Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments*

Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.”

Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer*

Tech Support, How I Miss Thee

, , , | Right | June 3, 2008

(Preface: One of our business’ locations lost power. I first spent an hour on the phone…)

Me: “Your power went out? Did you shut down the computers or did they shut down on their own?”

Them: “They just shut down, and now they won’t come up!”

Me: “So you have power now? Are your TVs and radios playing?”

Them: “Yes!”

Me: “What I want you to do is go to the computer and find the power cord.”

Them: “Okay, got it.”

Me: “Trace it to the battery backup. You will find it plugged into the back of it.”

Them: “Okay, found it.”

Me: “Plug it into a receptacle other than the battery backup. Plug it into the wall receptacle.”

Them: “Okay, done.”

Me: “Now try to power the computer up.”

Them: “Nothing.”

Me: “There may have been a breaker that tripped. Do you know your way around your fusebox?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Go look at it and see if anything is tripped. If so, reset it, okay?”

Them: “Okay, hold on…”

(After a few moments…)

Them: “Nothing’s tripped and I have customers needing to make payments!”

Me: “Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours.”

(After a two-hour trip, I arrived with a new computer in my backseat. The first thing I looked at is the backup power supply. The problem? The computer was still plugged into the backup, but even better: they plugged the backup power supply into itself. Two-hour trip, one-minute solution.)


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I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the Internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour… I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”


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The Customer Is Not Always Happy

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s***.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

Customer: *stalks off*

Thick(headed) As Thieves

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to install your program but it keeps quitting during the set up.”

Me: “Are you getting any error messages?”

Customer: “No, it just quits and I have to restart the installation.”

Me: “At what point does it quit?”

Customer: “Well, it’s on the screen where is says registration code. I hit cancel and then it quits.”

Me: “In order for the installation process to finish, you need to put in a registration code.”

Customer: “Can you give me one?”

Me: “For your program to work, you need to put in the code that comes with it.”

Customer: “Well, how do I find that?”

Me: “It would be on a slip of paper inside the box.”

Customer: “What box?”

Me: “The box that the CD came in.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a box. Could you just give me a code?”

Me: “When you bought the program it came in a box, did you lose the box?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t buy it; I got it from a friend. But I don’t think she bought it either. The CD looks like it was homemade.”

Me: “…homemade?”

Customer: “Yeah, the top of the CD has handwriting on it. It’s just like the music CDs she gives to me.”

Me: “I’m going to have to assume that the person who gave you this CD downloaded the program illegally. I can not provide you with a code to activate the software without a proper purchase.”

Customer: “So now I can’t use it?”

Me: “Not without purchasing it.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to pay for it; I just want to use it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it just won’t work that way.”

Customer: “Well, what good are you, you lousy b****?!” *click*