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How About Your Husband Buy You A Brain

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Woman: “Your f***ing machine won’t accept my memory card from my camera!”

Me: “That’s very strange, ma’am, as our machines accept all of the memory cards that I’ve ever heard of.”

Woman: “Well, your machines are obviously old! My husband bought me an EXPENSIVE camera, because I only like the best! You people need to get better machines! My memory card won’t even FIT in any of the slots!”

Me: “May I see your memory card? Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.”

(Woman hands me her memory card huffily.)

Me: “Um… ma’am, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is your camera battery.”

Woman: “…”

(She snatched her battery out of my hands and stormed out of the store.)

Blue Screen Flash Of Death

, , , | Right | June 15, 2008

(The client, a postman, walks in with his older machine. He sets it down on the desk. I turn it on and dust comes out the back. He explains how slow it’s been and how much he hates Windows Millennium Edition.)

Me: “We can fix that up for you, but with the cost of the upgrade to Windows XP, the memory to support it, etc., it might be wise just to purchase a new computer and transfer the data.”

Client: “Nah, that’s all right. I like this one.”

(I go around the desk to fetch his paperwork. He somehow finds a paper clip and decides to remove the dust on the back of his power supply fan with it. Shortly thereafter, a blue flash comes out the back, he jumps a bit, and the computer turns off.)

Client: “Yanno what? I’ll just get that data backup.”

Me: “One moment, please…”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

Customer: “I can’t get Wi-Fi on my phone!”

Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your Internet to enable Wi-Fi.”

Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

Me: *sigh*

I Personally Prefer Poultry With My PCs

, , , , , | Right | June 7, 2008

(I overhear a fellow salesperson’s sale. He is with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you an offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus three chickens!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high-speed Internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”


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