(I use to work as a volunteer for an online gaming community, and would sometimes assist both in-game and at the official game chat room.)

Gamer: “Help! The NPCs aren’t rendering properly. All the characters look like blobs!”

Me: “Okay. This has been happening to some people lately. Delete the files that end in [XYZ] extension and when you restart the game they’ll be recreated.”

Gamer: “Okay!”

(A while later:)

Gamer: “Oh, my god! NOTHING IS WORKING! I deleted all the files and now the game won’t load!”

Me: “…I said to delete the files that ended in [XYZ].”

Gamer: “This is your fault!”

(Sadly this wasn’t the first time a gamer deleted ALL of their files vs. just the ones they were told to delete. But they still felt it was our fault that they couldn’t read instructions properly, so… Eventually, the company that made the game ordered us to stop giving any technical assistance.)

(I work for a small IT service provider and I’ve just finished preparing a new computer for a customer. I had it here, installed the OS, requested software, and so on. The customer comes by and takes the computer home after I am finished. A while later, he calls.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “This is [Customer]. I just set up the computer you prepared for me. It does not work.”

Me: “Okay, can you start the remote maintenance program so I can connect to it and check it out?”

Customer: “No! It does not work!”

Me: “Wait… You mean you can’t start it?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said. You sold me a broken computer!”

Me: “Well, it is a brand-new computer and it worked just fine a few hours ago. Did you connect the power cable?”

Customer: “Of course I did!”

Me: “Okay, did you flick the main switch in the back like I showed you?”

Customer: “Yes, I did! It still doesn’t work! It’s broken! I’ll bring it back. Now I have to crawl back under the table!”

Me: “I could come over and…”

Customer: “No! I’ll bring it back! I don’t want a broken computer!”

Me: “Okay. I’ll be here until six pm. I’m sorry about the problems.”

(The customer hangs up. A few minutes later the phone rings again.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “This is [Customer] again. Well… the computer works now.”

Me: “Oh? What was the problem?”

Customer: “When I use a multiple-extension outlet, it might be a good idea to actually turn the thing on.”

(The customer apologized for getting mad at me. I stayed on the phone with him while he checked if everything worked, in case he needed further assistance.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like a laptop. Does this one have Internet built in?”

Me: “They all have Wi-Fi built in. You’ll just need to connect to it via the password and such.”

Customer: “No, I mean a laptop that has Internet built in, so I don’t need Wi-Fi.”

Me: “No… none of them have that.”

(I am thirty-five years old.)

Me: “If you Instagram your Story, is it like Snapchat?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Me: “Hey, I did an Internet!”

Friend: “Gosh, you’re so old.”

(I am working the desk when an elderly man approaches. He hands me a piece of scratch paper with a website written on it and asks me to go there on my computer. Mind you, he has already had me look up a music festival, and become frustrated when I couldn’t find a map, directions, location, and contact information within the first thirty seconds.)

Me: “Okay, this website sells gifts for musicians. Was that what you wanted?”

Patron: “Yeah, yeah. Give me whatever you’ve got on there.”

Me: “Okay… Well, it’s a very large website. What did you want from it?”

Patron: “I want trumpets. They got any trumpet stuff on there?”

Me: *types “trumpet” into search bar* “Yes, they have trumpets.”

Patron: “Okay, great! Just print off whatever you’ve got.”

Me: “Sir, there are nine pages of trumpet-related merchandise here.”

Patron: “Well, then give me the nine pages!”

Me: “I’m not allowed to print off that much—”

Patron: “Then print off whatever you can and give it to me!”

Me: “Sir, this is an online store. If you want to buy from them, you’ll need to get on a computer and browse their inventory yourself.”

Patron: “I don’t know how to use a computer. Just give me whatever they’ve got.”

Me: “Our library offers free computer classes. I could register you.”

Patron: “I don’t have that kind of time! Just get me the nine pages!”

Me: “Sir, even if I did that, you wouldn’t be able to purchase any of the items. You would have to go online and purchase them from the store.”

Patron: “Well, if you can’t do it, just say so!”

Me: “I can’t do it, sir.”

(He left in a huff.)