(A customer calls in to get help setting up a video conferencing unit with a display on the remote that shows the status of selection.)

Me: “So, are you pointing the remote at the unit?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Where is the display on the remote? Is the top or bottom closest to you?

Customer: “The bottom is closest to me.”

Me: “Okay, turn the remote around so the LCD is towards the unit.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “What do you see?”

Customer: “The back of the remote.”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2
Not Remotely Intelligent

This story is part of the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

Read the next Technologically-Challenged roundup story!

Read the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

(I’m twenty minutes into troubleshooting an internet connection.)

Me: “Okay, now right-click on that screen.”

Caller: “Right-click. It’s not working.”

Me: “Just make sure you’re right-clicking for a moment.”

Caller: “I will. Right-click, see nothing happens! Can’t you fix this already?”

(I realize that she is left-clicking on the page for nothing to be happening.)

Me: “Can you click the button on the right-hand side for me?”

Caller: “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing because it’s not working!”

Me: “Do you know your left from your right?”

Caller: “Obviously!”

Me: “Look at your mouse.”

Caller: “I am looking at it.”

Me: “See the button on the left and the button on the right? Click the button on the right.”

Caller: “Oh it worked. I thought you meant your right!”

This story is part of our lost customer roundup!

Read the next lost customer roundup story!

Read the lost customer roundup!

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

Did you find this story using our World Bee Day roundup?

Click here to get back to it!

(I’m a cook in a restaurant that many tourists visit.)

Me: *to waitress* “So, how did everyone like their food?”

Waitress: “The table complained that the meal contains too much sauce.”

Me: “His order gets the sauce on the side.”

Waitress: “Yeah, he complained that he added too much.”

This story is part of the complaining customer roundup!

Read the next complaining customer roundup story!

Read the complaining customer roundup!

Customer: “Hey, can I buy these, please?”

Me: “Sure. That’ll be 10 euros.”

(The customer hands me 10 Canadian dollars.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take that currency.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because this isn’t Canada.”

Customer: “But I thought you guys use Canadian dollars? My friend said they use Canadian dollars outside the US.”

Me: “We don’t. We use Euros here.”

Customer: “Since when?”

Me: “Since 2002. Although before that, we used guilders, so your dollars would still be useless.”

Customer: “But they’re Canadian dollars!”

Me: “But this isn’t Canada.”

(At this point, I take a second look at the magazines he’s trying to buy.)

Me: ” Excuse me, but do you speak Dutch?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then why are you buying Dutch magazines?”

Customer: “I thought they’d be in English.”

Me: “Because they speak English in Canada?”

Customer: *blushing* “Yeah.”

This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

Read the next More Clueless Tourists roundup story!

Read the More Clueless Tourists roundup!