The Meat On Your Plate Makes Up For Having None In Your Head  

, , , , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

(I am working as a banquet server at a four-star hotel. A typical night involves serving the same dish to 50 to 200 people.)

Me: “Before I bring out your soups, does anyone at this table have dietary restrictions I need to know about?”

Diner: *in a haughty voice* “My husband and I are vegan. We want fish for our entree.”

Me: *internally* “Don’t say it. Don’t call her a dumba**. Don’t tell her she sounds airheaded enough to actually think fish isn’t meat.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, in the kitchen:)

Me: “Two of my guests say they’re vegan, so they want fish instead of the beef wellington.”

Chef: “Did you tell them they’re dumba***** and that fish are animals?”

Me: “No, but I thought it really loud.”

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Unfiltered Story #160152

, , , | Unfiltered | August 18, 2019

(This happened to me in my days as a pump attendant. In the defence of the customer i did neglect to ask them a crucial piece of information before starting the pump. I was outside with my colleague chatting with them, it was nearly the end of my work day when a new Ford diesel super duty pulls up and asks for 20 dollars of diesel. Most people who ask for 20 dollars of fuel usually just hand me a 20 dollar bill so i decided to just pump it without asking, and this happened)
Me: OK so that’ll be $20
(Customer shoves a debit card at me, tells me the pin and his member number, and says he wants a receipt)
Me: (saying inside “oh crap”) oh…..OK, I’ll be back in a minute.
(I go inside and attempt to pay but I forgot the pin, so i go back out)
Me: Hi, sorry I seem to have gotten your pin wrong. What was it again?
Customer: buddy! Come on! You should have asked me how I was paying first! It’s (pin)!
(I go back inside, enter the pin info correctly but apparently got his member number wrong. I’m just finishing up and getting his receipt when he comes in)
Me: Oh! Hi! OK so I got it all done for you, here’s your receipt….
(He looks at me with a very condescending expression, points at my nametag, says my name out loud, just nods, turns around and walks out. This was the end of my shift so i went into the back to start changing out of my work gear, when my Co worker comes in)
Co worker: so that guy you helped just came back in screaming “where’s that (name) kid! He got my member number wrong! If i see him again I’m going to pin him against the wall!”
(After that moment i never failed to ask how the customer was paying before hand. I’ve had angry customers before but they’ve never threatened to physically harm me. Funny thing is i have a Co worker with the same name as me and he came back another day, saw his nametag, and started giving him a hard time!)

Unfiltered Story #160142

, , , | Unfiltered | August 17, 2019

(I work at a furniture store that does automated telemarketing to past customers to inform them of upcoming sales events. Needless to say, the system isn’t perfect. One day i picked up this call)
Me: thank you for calling (store) this is (name) speaking.
Customer: hi this is (name) returning your call. I’m just letting you know that i just got called 5 times in 2 f*cking hours and i’m just calling to tell you to f*ck off. *click*
Me: *mouth agape, speechless*

Unfiltered Story #160140

, , | Unfiltered | August 17, 2019

(At the gas station i used to work at we are required to clean windows whether we are asked to or not. I dealt with this almost every day)
Customer: WHAT THE F*CK!! DID I ASK YOU DO CLEAN MY WINDOWS!!??

Unfiltered Story #155107

, , , | Unfiltered | June 19, 2019

Customer phones in for customer service:
Customer: hi. My name is *name* and my address is *address*. I just got a dining set delivered and the table top has a gouge in it.
Me: I’m sorry about that, what is the phone number on your account?
Customer: but i just gave you my address.
*bangs head on desk*