“I Don’t Read” Doesn’t Read Well As An Excuse

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2019

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t do returns at this company.”

Customer: “Since when?!”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here for five years and I know we haven’t done returns in that time.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that anywhere; I wasn’t informed of this so I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says right here on the receipt that we don’t do refunds, but I’ll be happy to put it on a gift card for you.”

Customer: “I wasn’t aware you don’t do refunds; therefore, I want my money back. I didn’t see that on the receipt.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we tell all our customers our policy during the transaction. It also says it here and here.” *points to a large sign on the wall and a sign on the cash desk*

Customer: “This is all new to me. I still want my money back. I paid cash for this and that is what I want back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t even an option for us to do that. We can put the amount you paid onto a gift card for this store, and that total will never expire.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager of this location, but I can definitely call another manager who has been here since day one, if that is what you want.”

(After speaking on the phone to the other manager, I then passed the phone to the customer. She was very calm and sweet on the phone. Then, she passed the phone back, grabbed her merchandise, and exited the store, never to be seen again. I’ll never understand why customers think that they can just change rules whenever they want. I don’t make them up; I only enforce them.)

Doesn’t Float Their Boat

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work at a popular fast food joint, and wasn’t trained before I started working. Because of that, I have to ask my coworkers quite a few questions about how to change what the combo drink or side is. A woman around fifty with her teenage son comes up to my till.)

Customer: “I’d like a [popular burger] combo with an ice cream float, please.”

(I’ve only been working for a few days, and I’m not sure that it is possible to include a float as a drink, so I pull my more knowledgeable coworker over to help me change the drink. We’re having the conversation loud enough for the woman to clearly hear that we’re changing the drink from a soda to a float, and she says nothing. Once her tray with her burger and float are out, anger ensues.)

Customer: “Hey, this isn’t what I ordered. I ordered a g**d***** burger combo with a float.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I’ve given you.”

Customer: “F***! How f****** dumb can you be? I ordered a burger combo with a float.”

(The coworker who helped me process the order comes over to see what’s going on.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “THIS G**D***** IDIOT F***** UP MY ORDER! I DEMAND THAT I GET A REFUND AND A FREE BURGER FOR MY SON. I ORDERED A BURGER COMBO WITH A FLOAT.”

(Apparently, the woman wanted a burger combo with the regular soda and a float on the side. Never did she say anything about me changing what the drink was on her combo. About half an hour after she leaves, she comes back and hands me a dollar.)

Customer: “I’m sorry that I snapped, but I expect you to never f*** up my order again.”

(We never saw her again.)

Wall-To-Wall Stubbornness

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I work in a bakery that shares a wall with a restaurant. There are no doors, windows, or openings of any kind on this wall. One day, a man comes through the sales part of the bakery and right into the kitchen.)

Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t be back here.”

Man: *patronizingly* “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “Actually, it’s not. I can take you up to the front if you’d like to order something.”

Man: “I don’t want anything from here! I’m going to [Restaurant].”

Me: “Oh, you can’t get there from here. You’ll have to go in their front door.”

Man: “No, I don’t; I’m going in their side door.”

Me: “Um… Okay. If you can find the side door, you are welcome to go through it.”

Man: “Hmph! That’s more like it!” *sees the solid wall and storms off*

The Phone That Cried Wolf

, , , , , , | Related | September 26, 2018

I am sixteen. The flip phone I have doesn’t have customizable ringtones, just the ones that came with it. I’ve been struggling to notice when my phone rings, so I am cycling through all the preset ringtones to find one that will get my attention. I finally decide to try “wolf howl.” How could I not notice that?

A few weeks later I am waiting for a bus and I hear a dog just going nuts, nonstop. I keep turning to try and figure out where it is coming from, but it always seems to be behind me no matter where I turn.

Finally, the bus comes, the sound stops, and I forget about it.

Until I get home… And my mom yells at me for not answering my phone.

Put That As A Death Note On His Resume

, , , , , , , | Working | April 6, 2018

(I work in a small brick-and-mortar bookstore in my town. We hire a new guy, who only lasts for three days because enough staff complain about him. I only work one day with him, but he gets fired the next day after exchanges like this.)

New Guy: “I seriously don’t understand why people buy books anymore.”

Me: “Then why do you work in a bookstore?”

New Guy: “No, no, no. I like books; I just don’t see why other people like them.”

Me: “Are you kidding?”

New Guy: “Well, when [Manager] asked me in my interview if I read books, I told her lots, but I think the last physical book I read was Death Note back in 2003.”

Me:Death Note didn’t get published in North America until 2005.”

New Guy: “Huh. It was more recently than I thought; 2005 is pretty good.”

Me: “That was 12 years ago.”

New Guy: “Well, do you read all the time, then? When did you last finish a book?”

Me: “I am currently reading Universal Harvester—” *which is in my hands* “—and I just finished reading Misery by Stephen King a week or two ago.”

New Guy: “So, is, like, everyone here book people?”

Me: “YES! THAT’S WHY WE WORK IN A BOOKSTORE!”

New Guy: “Oh. I’m just here because I need money, and it looked like you guys didn’t do anything. I played video games professionally for the last seven years, so I like not having to work that much.”

Me: “You are in the wrong place, then, man.”

New Guy: “That’s what they told me when I flunked out of computer science. I still told them all to go eff themselves.”

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