This Isn’t A Couch Gag

, , , , | | Right | May 10, 2019

Boss: “Okay. I know this sucks, but we can’t sell the couch in the display window because they sent it without legs, but we’re completely full and there’s literally nowhere else to put it. There’s no price on it, but if anyone gives you trouble you can call [Assistant Manager] at the other location.”

(Of course, as soon as he leaves…)

Customer: “So, how much is the couch in the window?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, that couch isn’t for sale right now; it’s missing parts.”

(The usual back and forth: “Sell it to me!” “No, I can’t.”)

Me: “If you’d like, I can call a manager to confirm what I’m telling you.”

Customer: *smugly, like she thinks I’m just being lazy and the manager is going to tell her something different* “Fine.”

(I call the manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “Let me talk to her.”

(I hand the customer the phone, and the manager tells her exactly what I just did. The customer throws the phone at me and storms off. I pick up the phone.)

Manager: “I heard a crash; is everything okay?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Did she throw the phone at you?!”

Me: “Yep!”

(This happened when I was in high school, and the best part was I recognized the customer as a teacher at my school. You definitely want someone who gets aggressive about a couch teaching!)

“I Don’t Read” Doesn’t Read Well As An Excuse

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2019

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t do returns at this company.”

Customer: “Since when?!”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here for five years and I know we haven’t done returns in that time.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that anywhere; I wasn’t informed of this so I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says right here on the receipt that we don’t do refunds, but I’ll be happy to put it on a gift card for you.”

Customer: “I wasn’t aware you don’t do refunds; therefore, I want my money back. I didn’t see that on the receipt.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we tell all our customers our policy during the transaction. It also says it here and here.” *points to a large sign on the wall and a sign on the cash desk*

Customer: “This is all new to me. I still want my money back. I paid cash for this and that is what I want back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t even an option for us to do that. We can put the amount you paid onto a gift card for this store, and that total will never expire.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager of this location, but I can definitely call another manager who has been here since day one, if that is what you want.”

(After speaking on the phone to the other manager, I then passed the phone to the customer. She was very calm and sweet on the phone. Then, she passed the phone back, grabbed her merchandise, and exited the store, never to be seen again. I’ll never understand why customers think that they can just change rules whenever they want. I don’t make them up; I only enforce them.)

Doesn’t Float Their Boat

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work at a popular fast food joint, and wasn’t trained before I started working. Because of that, I have to ask my coworkers quite a few questions about how to change what the combo drink or side is. A woman around fifty with her teenage son comes up to my till.)

Customer: “I’d like a [popular burger] combo with an ice cream float, please.”

(I’ve only been working for a few days, and I’m not sure that it is possible to include a float as a drink, so I pull my more knowledgeable coworker over to help me change the drink. We’re having the conversation loud enough for the woman to clearly hear that we’re changing the drink from a soda to a float, and she says nothing. Once her tray with her burger and float are out, anger ensues.)

Customer: “Hey, this isn’t what I ordered. I ordered a g**d***** burger combo with a float.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I’ve given you.”

Customer: “F***! How f****** dumb can you be? I ordered a burger combo with a float.”

(The coworker who helped me process the order comes over to see what’s going on.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “THIS G**D***** IDIOT F***** UP MY ORDER! I DEMAND THAT I GET A REFUND AND A FREE BURGER FOR MY SON. I ORDERED A BURGER COMBO WITH A FLOAT.”

(Apparently, the woman wanted a burger combo with the regular soda and a float on the side. Never did she say anything about me changing what the drink was on her combo. About half an hour after she leaves, she comes back and hands me a dollar.)

Customer: “I’m sorry that I snapped, but I expect you to never f*** up my order again.”

(We never saw her again.)

Wall-To-Wall Stubbornness

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I work in a bakery that shares a wall with a restaurant. There are no doors, windows, or openings of any kind on this wall. One day, a man comes through the sales part of the bakery and right into the kitchen.)

Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t be back here.”

Man: *patronizingly* “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “Actually, it’s not. I can take you up to the front if you’d like to order something.”

Man: “I don’t want anything from here! I’m going to [Restaurant].”

Me: “Oh, you can’t get there from here. You’ll have to go in their front door.”

Man: “No, I don’t; I’m going in their side door.”

Me: “Um… Okay. If you can find the side door, you are welcome to go through it.”

Man: “Hmph! That’s more like it!” *sees the solid wall and storms off*

The Phone That Cried Wolf

, , , , , , | Related | September 26, 2018

I am sixteen. The flip phone I have doesn’t have customizable ringtones, just the ones that came with it. I’ve been struggling to notice when my phone rings, so I am cycling through all the preset ringtones to find one that will get my attention. I finally decide to try “wolf howl.” How could I not notice that?

A few weeks later I am waiting for a bus and I hear a dog just going nuts, nonstop. I keep turning to try and figure out where it is coming from, but it always seems to be behind me no matter where I turn.

Finally, the bus comes, the sound stops, and I forget about it.

Until I get home… And my mom yells at me for not answering my phone.

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