(I am visiting my grandparents, and all three of us are sitting down and talking about other family members. My grandma has just finished telling me about an incident that a cousin was involved in when she says this:)

Grandma: “I’m glad you and your sister were never troublemakers.”

Grandpa: *laughs* “Unlike [My Father].”

Me: *confused, as my dad is very mild-mannered* “Dad used to get into trouble?”

Grandma: “Oh, not intentionally. He was just always very…”

Grandpa: “Oblivious?”

Grandma: *nods* “Right. Like that time he was almost arrested for burglary.”

Me: *shocked* “How did he manage that?!”

Grandma: “Well, he used to walk down to the laundromat to do his laundry. But rather than taking the long route he would climb over walls and through people’s backyards.”

Grandpa: “So, eventually, someone notices a young guy running through yards carrying a bulging sack over his shoulder. They called the police and he was almost arrested, until they looked in the bag and saw only dirty clothes.”

Me: “Knowing him, I can see all of this happening.”

My boyfriend works as a delivery driver for a fairly expensive Asian bistro. He told me this story.

He delivered over $100 of sushi rolls to a man who tipped very well. Once he got back to the restaurant, his boss was on the phone with the man, demanding they remake the sushi. My boyfriend would need to send it out. Apparently, the man’s wife was allergic to shellfish, he never told the person who took the order, and he stated that he did not know that the sushi would come in a large platter. He thought each roll would be placed into separate containers. My boyfriend’s boss told him most places put sushi together unless asked otherwise, and he should have stated she had an allergy.

She did not remake the sushi. He called back quite a few times demanding a refund or a remake; she told him no.

(I work in a liquor store.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(He hands me his driver’s license.)

Me: “You’re not 21. I can’t sell to you, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong one.”

(He takes the license back and hands me a different one. Curious why he would think this would work, I take a good look at the second ID: different birthday, different name, different picture. Then, I realize…)

Me: “Is this your mother?”

(I didn’t sell to him.)

(I am a customer in a grocery store that offers free childcare while you are shopping. I have just dropped off my child, filled out the forms, and taken the pager. I turn to leave the window and find an older woman customer right behind me.)

Customer: “You can’t leave your child here. They don’t get paid to watch your kid. In my day we watched our own kids.”

Me: “This is the childcare. They do watch your child.”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am. This is free childcare while you shop.”

Customer: “They have actual jobs! You can’t leave your child here!”

(I walk around the woman to start shopping. She begins to follow me.)

Customer: “Don’t you walk away and leave your child here! I will call the police!”

(I ignore her and keep walking. She follows, but I see the store manager coming my way.)

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

Customer: “Yes! She just dumped her child on one of your employees and expects them to watch the child while she shops.”

Manager: “Ma’am, that’s what the childcare is for. We watch your child while you shop.”

Customer: “Well, in my day…”

(I manage to get down the next aisle and continue my shopping. A few minutes later I end up at the end of a completely different aisle where this customer is now berating a stocker.)

Customer: “I can’t believe your manager wouldn’t do anything. I’m going to need the corporate contact number.”

Stocker: “Ma’am, for the record, I’m only working here because the store on [Street] had to close their childcare center because it wasn’t used enough. I’m going to college, and that store was closer to me. When the childcare center closed, I had my choice of being laid off or coming here to work stock. Are you really telling me you want my coworkers to lose their jobs in the childcare center? Really?”

(She finally wandered off, grumbling under her breath. I still don’t know why she thought it was terrible to leave my child in the childcare center where the employees are, in fact, paid to watch them.)

(It is before Internet on cell phones is common, practical, and affordable. My brother, my cousin, and I each receive a gift certificate from our grandmother to several restaurants. It’s one of those gift cards which is good at all of their brand family locations. Since we are all familiar with a few of them, we decide to try their Mexican restaurant, as we haven’t been to it before and it is close to where we all live. The server takes our drink orders, and asks if we’ve been there before. We inform him we haven’t, and that’s when he tells us about the “Build Your Own Burrito.” He explains that you fill out the form on a small flier on the table and they make it to order. A one-pound custom burrito is hard to pass up, so we all decide to do it. Then, they serve us the food.)

Cousin: “D***! This thing is pretty loaded!” *takes a bite and looks disappointed*

Brother: “I know; mine’s stuffed.” *cuts into it* “That’s a lot of f****** cheese, man.”

Me: *cuts into it and instantly notices it’s completely wrong* “What the f***?”

Brother: “What?”

Me: “It’s wrong… like… not even close to be right… The only thing right is the green sauce!”

(The server comes back almost immediately after having dropped off the plates and asks us how everything is.)

Cousin: “It’s all right…”

Me: “Actually, mine’s completely wrong.”

Server: “What? What do you mean?”

(The server comes over to check the burrito I have cut into. I have not even taken a bite of it, including any beans or rice on the plate.)

Me: “Well, I ordered pork. This is ground beef. I also asked for lettuce and tomato. This doesn’t have any of that. It has guacamole, which I didn’t order. I ordered pinto beans and it has black beans. I asked for ‘Mexican blend’ cheese, and this is pepper jack. The sauce is right, though!” *chuckles*

Server: “Oh, man… Sorry about that! They may have mixed it with someone else’s. I’ll have them remake it. Do you want to keep the same rice and beans?”

(I stare at him for a hesitant moment and blink.)

Me: “No… I haven’t touched them yet and do want to eat it all together. It’s fine. I’ll wait for it to be remade.”

(The server takes the burrito back. My brother and cousin are still eating. There were maybe four other tables in the restaurant sat down when we got in, so I don’t know how they switched burritos so badly, but I let it slide)

Brother: “You know… this is really just kind of ‘meh.’ I mean, it’s not bad. It’s just… ‘meh.’”

Cousin: “Yeah, mine, too. Even the chips are kind of just okay. The salsa is just tomato sauce and cilantro.”

Me: “Okay, so it’s not just me!”

(The server brings out a new burrito with fresh sides, and I already notice a problem with it, but figure there’s no way they screwed up the inside of the burrito. I am wrong.)

Me: “OH, COME ON!”

(My cousin INSTANTLY starts cracking up and so does my brother.)

Brother: “What did they screw up now?”

Me: “Dude… this is red sauce, chicken, cheddar… guacamole again… Is… is this what you ordered?”

Brother: “Uh… Yeah, that’s what I ordered!”

(The server must have heard me because he comes jogging out.)

Server: “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

Me: “This… is completely wrong again. This isn’t what I ordered. It’s the wrong burrito!”

Server: “Okay… okay… I’ll just let them know again.”

(The server takes the plate once again and heads to the kitchen. Suddenly, the server comes out… with the same burrito, as well as the order flier in his hand.)

Server: “The kitchen says they made it right!” *reads off the order*

Me: “Yes, that’s correct; it’s perfect. But that is not what I have ordered! That was what he—” *points to my brother* “—ordered.”

Server: “No, it’s not.”

Brother: “Dude, yes it is. That is my burrito. Not his. I’m not taking orders and I know what he ordered.”

Me: “Mine was the pork burrito with spicy green sauce, pinto beans, sour cream, lettuce, tomato, and seasoned rice.”

Server: *looks like I punched a kitten in front of him* “Oh… oh… Sorry… I’ll have them find the ticket and remake it.”

(The server once again leaves, taking the burrito and flier with him, this time yelling to the back of the house, “You screwed up AGAIN!”)

Cousin: “Did he just say he would find the ticket and remake it? So… he just… lost yours and made up your order or something?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

(By this time my brother and cousin have just about finished their meal. Finally, the server comes back and things look correct.)

Server: “There you go!” *leaves*

Me: “Well… it’d better be…”

(I cut into it and sigh. My brother and cousin once again start laughing.)

Brother: “G**d***… What now?”

Me: “It’s fine… Whatever… I’m f****** starving.”

(The burrito is… steak, tomato, no lettuce, pinto beans, guacamole, cheddar cheese only, sweet chili sauce, and no rice. I am so ticked off and hungry that I just eat it all because I am about to eat the table. It is one of the most bland things I have eaten in a while — even the rice and beans have almost no flavor — so the table probably would have been a better choice. The server comes back out, seeing that I have decimated almost half of my plate already, and smiles.)

Server: “Oh, good! They got it right.”

Me: “They didn’t. Again. But I’m so hungry I am going to eat it and keep my mouth shut until I let everyone know about my experience. It’s fine, just, whatever at this point.”

(The server looks pretty distraught, and he comes back after I have finished my plate.)

Server: “I spoke with the manager, and we’re going to take off the burrito. We’re also going to give you a free dessert. We have flan, fried ice cream, and turtle sopapillas.”

(My cousin was acting like a child, jumping up and down in his seat saying, “Turtle sopapillas!” over and over, so that’s what I ordered. They were the only flavorful thing we ate the entire time. Since I still had a full gift card, I used it at one of the other restaurants I knew was good and have never been back.)