(I work at a popular Mexican restaurant. I’m working the drive-thru. We sell regular tacos and taco supremes. The only difference between the two is the supremes have tomato and sour cream. That’s what makes them supreme.)

Customer: “I’d like two crunchy taco supremes, no tomato or sour cream.”

Me: “All right, so just two regular crunchy tacos, then?”

Customer: “No, I want the supremes; I want the bigger ones.”

(I try to explain that the taco sizes don’t change, just the ingredients.)

Customer: *slower and louder* “I want two crunchy taco supremes, with no sour cream or tomato.”

(I just gave up and rang up two supremes without the supreme, basically. He then ordered two soft taco supremes the same way. The guy paid extra for no reason, but it gave my coworkers a good laugh.)

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(This takes place when the only people who have cell phones are Mulder and Scully from “The X-Files.” Also, PINE is a sophisticated email system that you can use if you go to the computer lab. It is my freshman year, and I am calling the phone company on the only payphone in the dorm of a well-established college.)

Me: “Hello. I would like to set up phone service for my dorm room.”

Phone Company: “Okay. I’ll need [information that makes sense].”

Me: *provides said info*

Phone Company: “And what number can we call you back on?”

Me: “Um, none. Everyone here is calling you this week to set up their phones; no one anywhere has a phone. I’m calling from a communal payphone.”

Phone Company: “I understand. What number can we call you on if we need to reach you?”

Me: “As I said, none. I do not have a phone, which is why I am calling you.”

(We rinse and repeat a few times, until I finally give up and tell them the number of the payphone, while admonishing them that if they call it A) most likely no one will answer, B) even if someone does, it will not be me, and C) whoever answers will not have any way of reaching me. Fast forward to the end of the year. The phone company has a great system that they constantly inform everyone about, where you can give them a code word and when you call back the next year to set up your phone again in your new room, they can just do it without any rigmarole because they have all your info. Clearly this means that they understand that three quarters of the college will stop their phone service for the summer and resume it somewhere else the following year. I set this up, happy that they have a system. Fast forward to the beginning of sophomore year:)

Me: “Hello.  I’m calling from a payphone at [College] to get my service turned on again from last year.”

Phone Company: “Great. Can you just verify your identity and give me your code word?”

Me: *miraculously remembers and provides it*

Phone Company: “And what is a number we can call you back on?”

(Cue twenty minutes of my life wasted, explaining that, like everyone else who would be calling them, I was calling from a communal payphone and there was no way they could specifically reach me by phone BECAUSE I WAS CALLING TO SET UP MY PHONE and so was EVERYONE ELSE! Rinse and repeat for two more years.)

(I work at an observation tower in the woods. There are over five square miles of forest surrounding it. It’s my turn to watch people on tower top for safety reasons.)

Guests: *as they pass by me* “Hey, there’s some poop on the first floor.”

Me: “Okay, thanks. I’ll take care of it.”

Guests: “So… you do allow dogs on this thing.”

Me: *firmly* “No.”

Guests: *incredulous look* “So, parents just let their kids poop on the tower?!”

Me: *looks around all the FOREST we’re standing in* “I really doubt it.”

(I work as a healthcare consultant. We help doctors earn bonus money from Medicare and Medicaid for meeting certain goals. One client’s office manager sent me the data ahead of time, and now I am entering it online, while she is on the phone with me.)

Me: *reading from the question* “Active engagement with an immunization registry. Do you give any shots, any at all?”

Client’s Office Manager: “No. We refer everyone to the county health department.”

(I check the box for “no” and hit continue. The next page is where you enter the numbers related to the goals. One of the measures is flu vaccines.)

Me: “So, this one will be zero, because you…”

(I look at the spreadsheet and see the practice gave fifteen flu shots during the time frame.)

Me: “I thought you said you didn’t give shots?”

Client’s Office Manager: “Oh, we give flu shots. Do those count?”

(I need to put petrol in my car but I’m not sure I have any money on my credit card. Not wanting to be stuck unable to pay, as I’m a long way from home, I go inside to pay before filling up.)

Me: “Hi, I’m not sure I have any money in my account, so can I pay $50 before I fill up?” *holding up my credit card*

Cashier: “You want to prepay?”

Me: “Yes, please, $50.”

(She seems confused, but progresses the payment, which gets approved.)

Me: “Phew. Wasn’t sure that would work”

Cashier: “You know you can just preselect 50 at the pump?”

Me: “Yes, but I wasn’t sure I had the money to pay for it.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but you can just select 50 at the pump.”

(For those that don’t know, this literally just delivers $50 worth of fuel; it has nothing to do with payment, which must be done from inside the building.)

Me: *holds up card again* “Yeah, but it was my card; I wasn’t sure would work.”

Cashier: “Just select 50 at the pump next time.”

Me: “But I wasn’t sure I could pay for it.”

Cashier: “You just press the 50 button.”

(I just sighed and walked out. She watched me from the window, with a confused expression the whole time, as I filled up $50 worth and drove off.)