(A woman came up to the concession counter with a tub of popcorn.)
Me: “Yes, can I help you?”
Woman: “WHY IS THIS POPCORN COLD?!”
Me: “It is? That’s weird; it shouldn’t be. I just made several batches, so I can get you another one.”
(The popcorn is ice cold, which is odd considering it usually stays warm for a few hours.)
Me: “Just wondering, when did you buy this popcorn?”
Woman: “Yesterday.”
Me: “…”
(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)
Lady: “That’s not right.”
Me: “What isn’t?”
Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”
Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”
Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”
Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”
Lady: *growing fidgety* “But that’s not what the coupon says.”
Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”
Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [Drugstore Chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”
Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back; I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”
Me: *head-desk*
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Man on phone: “Hi, I don’t think this DVD is working properly.”
Me: “What happened, exactly?”
Man on phone: “We put it in and it plays, but the movie is only a couple minutes long and then it starts over again.”
Me: “Are there any words on the screen?”
Man on phone: “Yes. The title of the movie and some other things.”
Me: “Is there a word that says Play or Play Movie?”
Man on phone: “Yes.”
Me: “Just hit the play button on your remote control or DVD player.”
Man on phone: “Wow! Thanks! It’s doing something else now. I just thought it was a short movie.”
Me: “Thank you for calling The UPS Store, this is [My Name] speaking, how may I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah, hi. I need to find out how much it will be to send something to Iowa.”
Me: “I’d be happy to get you an estimate on shipping. Could I get the dimensions and weight of the box as well as the ZIP code of the destination?”
Caller: “Yeah, it’s probably about ten pounds, and about this big.”
Me: “Well, I need a ZIP code for the destination, but you didn’t really give me the dimensions of the box.”
Caller: “The ZIP code is 51365, and it’s about this big.”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see your hands, so you’ll have to give me some sort of numeric dimension to work with.”
Caller: “Oh, let me get a ruler–” *click*
Me: *sigh*
Customer: *in the store, who overheard the phone conversation* “Are you serious?!”
(I am a waiter at a ’50s style dinner in a mall restaurant. A customer asks me to turn the heat up.)
Customer: “It’s a little cold in here. Could you turn the heat up?”
Me: “I would love to, but the restaurant is open to the mall and we have no control over the mall temperature.”
Customer: “Could you please just try?”
Me: “I would love to, but there is no way–”
Customer: “I would really appreciate it if you would just try.”
Me: “I’ll be right back and see what I can do.”
(I then proceed to walk into the back house and munch on some onion rings. After a few minutes pass, I walk out.)
Me: “How’s that?”
Customer: “Much better!”
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