If That Bothers Him, Wait Until He Hears What It Means For The Gays!

, , , , , , | Learning | September 29, 2019

(I am five or six years old and attending Sunday school. We are outside after a brief rain, being supervised by a husband and wife.)

Male Supervisor: *pointing at a rainbow in the distance* “So, kids, does anyone know what a rainbow is?”

(I excitedly raise my hand to answer, as I have just learned this from a science-themed kids show.)

Me: “A rainbow is caused by extra water in the air from the rain that makes a prism which refracts the sunlight!”

(The husband and wife make disgusted faces and share a look, before turning back to me.)

Male Supervisor: “No, a rainbow is God’s promise to never flood the earth again.”

Me: “Oh…”

(It wouldn’t have been so bad, except they decided to punish me, as well. I was made to stand in the corner for fifteen minutes for “spreading wrong thoughts.” I consider this my first push towards atheism.)

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Would Rather Be Alive Than Late

, , , , , | Learning | September 22, 2019

(My sister works as a nurse at an elementary and middle school. One day, they are running a lockdown drill, a practice simulation for if a dangerous person is on campus. The instructions are to lock yourself in a room, turn off any lights that are visible from the outside, and make as little noise as possible. My sister has two students with her when the drill starts, one of whom has already been physically ill, so she decides for them to hide in the attached bathroom. She has her cell phone and her staff radio on hand with her. Throughout the simulation, multiple people come and try to open the door, or knock on it asking if anyone is in there. Following her instructions, my sister does not respond and turns off her radio whenever she hears footsteps approaching. This continues for some time until an assistant principal she is friendly with approaches:)

AP: “[Sister], it’s [Assistant Principal]. Here is my employee ID.” *slips it under the door* “I am here to tell you that the simulation is over. Please come out.”

(She opens the door.)

AP: “So, you were in there! We’ve been trying to find you for half an hour!”

Sister: *exiting the room* “I had my phone;  someone could’ve–” *phone beeps showing several messages* “Huh, I guess the bathroom is a dead zone for cell service.”

(Turns out the lockdown had been over for a while but they couldn’t find a way to inform her of that. She exited to a frustrated staff and a mother who was there to pick up her sick child. Her principal was ready to scold her but quickly relented when my sister argued that she was following procedure.)

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Cold Is The Tea Drank By This Customer

, , , , , | Right | August 25, 2019

(I’m working at a tea shop that steeps loose-leaf tea. Hot teas are served in white paper cups and cold teas are served in clear plastic cups.)

Customer: “May I have a hot oolong tea with no sweetener?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I prepare the tea and hand it to the customer. The customer leaves and comes back a couple of minutes later.)

Customer: “Hi, sorry, could you please give me a different cup for this?”

Me: “Oh, sure. Did something happen to the cup?”

Customer: “It’s just weird; it looks weird.”

Me: “Umm, okay? How can I fix that for you?”

Customer: “Can you switch it to a plastic cup?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Also, add ice to it.”

Me: “Umm… So you want a cold tea?”

Customer: “Yes.”

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Taboo Tattoo

, , , , , , , | Related | August 13, 2019

(My older sister, who is in her early 30s, has a steady job, and owns her own home, has recently gotten a tattoo on her wrist. It is a two-inch long portrait of her beloved pet rabbit done in a style reminiscent of the classic Winnie the Pooh illustrations. I knew beforehand she was planning it, but we both kept quiet about telling our more conservative mother about it. After it is done and my mom learns about it, she calls me over the phone, very distressed about it:)

Mom: “I just can’t believe my daughter would be the one to do this. What are people going to think of her now?”

Me: “Mom, did you even see what the tattoo was a picture of?”

Mom: “No, as soon as she told me, I refused to look at it and left.” *sniffs, as she’s been crying* “What is it?”

Me: “It’s a very tasteful upside-down pentagram.”

Mom: “…”

Me: “Mom? MOM?! It was a joke! She didn’t get a pentagram!”

Mom: *heavy exhalation* “You little b******! I might need to go to the hospital after that!”

(She has since calmed down on the issue, though she probably still wants to hide it from my grandparents. My sister told me that my joke actually made things better as it has reminded that her tattoo isn’t the worst thing ever.)

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Somewhere Out There, A Social Justice Warrior Is Ready To Be Offended On His Behalf

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 2, 2019

My family, all Caucasian, are packing up as we get ready to return home from a vacation. My parents realize that there won’t be room in the car for a watermelon my mom bought but didn’t get around to eating.

Rather than throw it away, she decides to offer it to the hotel staff and see if they want it. As she jauntily walks up to the front counter, the man behind leaves and is replaced by a black man.

My mom slowly comes to stop as she pauses and considers what she’s about to do. She stands still for a solid minute, staring at the man, as she weighs her options. She finally just decides to ignore her concerns and asks the man if he is interested in a free watermelon. He happily takes it without comment.

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