American Culture Sure Is A Picture Show

, , , , , | Romantic | February 18, 2019

(I am an American living in Mexico in the 90s. I’m ice skating with my girlfriend when “The Time Warp” comes on the PA.)

Me: “Oh, this is from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Girlfriend: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s an American movie about a transvestite scientist who creates a Frankenstein-like man to be their personal sex slave. But it turns out the doctor is an alien. In the US they have midnight showings of the movie, where the men wear women’s underwear and people say all these crazy quotes and throw things at the screen.”

Girlfriend: “I see.”

(It was then that I learned there are some concepts that simply do not transcend cultures.)

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Slipping Past All Logic And Reason

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2019

(I work in an ice rink, helping kids learn how to skate and doing birthday parties. Our rink is notorious for not being cold enough and the quality of ice not very good, which leads to it being quite wet and melted on busy days. On this particular busy day, I am helping out a child along the barrier when two ladies struggling along the barrier just behind me call out to me.)

Woman #1: “Excuse me. Do you work here?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, I do. What can I help you with?”

Woman #2: “Can you make the ice less slippery?”

(I stand there dumbfounded for a few seconds before replying, not quite sure if they are being serious or not.)

Me: “Well, the ice is a little melted today, but at the end of the day ice is ice. There’s not much I can do to make it less slippery.”

Woman #1: “Well, they should figure out a way to make it less slippery!”

(After that, I just turned back to the kid I was helping, trying to contain my laughter.)

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Unfiltered Story #124984

, , , | Unfiltered | November 12, 2018

My coworker and another employee aere alerted to a problem in the family changing room: a couple is inside one of the changing cubicles, obviously getting it on despite the nearby children. The parents are understandably upset.

The other employee took action and walked up to the cubicle’s door and began knocking and repeatedly saying: “Hurry up!” (knock-knock-knock) “Hurry up!” (knock-knock-knock) “Hurry up!” (knock-knock-knock).

The couple eventually came out, sheepishly washed their hands, and left.

Unfiltered Story #120919

, , | Unfiltered | September 13, 2018

(I work in a leisure centre that has a pool, a gym, squash, bowls, fun-play, roller-skating, classes and a cafe. Most of our locals are members so they just swipe in when they come in the building. We do not always know new members, hence…)

Customer: *just thrusts his card at me and glares*

Me: “Hello! What is that for?”

Customer: *he just glares at me as if I have just asked him to kill a puppy* “TO LOG IN!”

Me: “And what are you doing?”

Customer: *glares again* “LOGGING IN!”

Me: “To do what?”

Customer: “GYM!”

(Okay, I purposely look all innocent sometimes when we get an arrogant but it is so much fun watching them getting all ‘me’.)

You Owe Me An Explanation

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2018

(I am on reception at a leisure centre that has various activities going on at once. It is very busy, as it is the Easter holidays, and it’s raining. An old lady comes up to the desk with her grandson:)

Customer: *in a very quiet voice* “What do I owe you?”

Me: *leaning towards her to be able to hear her* “Sorry?”

Customer: “What do I owe you?”

Me: *still with my head leaning over the counter and whispering too* “I don’t know. You haven’t told me what you want to do.”

Customer: *suddenly louder* “Well, I have never been here before, so I don’t know what to do!”

Me: *in my head* “Perhaps tell me what you want to do before I charge you! I have to do this mad, crazy thing called ‘put information into the till’!”

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