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A Good Sign That This Manager Has Seen Some S***

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2024

Back in the 1990s, I used to buy spare auto parts from a scrap yard service in a suburb of Cape Town. It was one of those places where you could walk in and find a carburetor for a 1974 Renault DS, or a distributor for an old Ford, perfect if you were a broke student forced to drive busted-up jalopies.

The owner was a real character — deeply knowledgeable and extremely kind. There was a massive sign over the sales desk that read:

Sign: “Prices will be adjusted according to customer attitude.”

When I asked the owner about it, he smiled and said:

Owner: “You’ve got to let the boneheads know up front that you won’t take their s*** so that they can’t start crying when you call them on it.”

I was always impeccably polite to him and always got a fair deal, but when I heard people complain about his prices, I knew exactly what had happened.

The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 17

, , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2024

I provide safari tours in a huge wildlife park in rural South Africa. We drive a truck around what is essentially wilderness (albeit protected) and showcase the many animals we have on the safari.

We come across a small herd of giraffes, and we stop to allow the tourists to take photos. One tourist has taken some on her phone.

Tourist: “Can I get a selfie with them?”

Me: “They’re wild animals.”

Tourist: “So… I…?”

Me: “Can’t. No, you can’t.”

Tourist: “Well, I got a nice pic anyway. What’s the Wi-Fi?”

Me: “The Wi-Fi?”

Tourist: “Yeah. I wanna put this on Instagram.”

Me: “We’re in the middle of the South African wilderness.”

Tourist: “And I want to know what its Wi-Fi  is!”

Me: “We don’t have any Wi-Fi.”

Tourist: “Seriously?

Me: “Actually, we do. It’s called Can’tBelieveTheresWi-FiOnSafari.”

Tourist: “I can’t find it.”

Me: “The signal is being blocked by the giraffes.”

Tourist: “Ugh… stupid horse!”

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 16
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 15
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 14
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12


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We Get Tourists Of All Stripes

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2023

I drive tourists around a large Safari park in South Africa. We get tourists from all over the world, and while I would never EVER laugh at someone’s accent or command of English, sometimes they will come up with something I can’t help but smile at.

Tourist: “When will we see the… how you say?”

Me: “Can you describe the animal to me?”

Tourist: “Like… pony, but looks like… prison?”

Me: “A zebra?”

Tourist: “Yes! When will we see prison pony?!”

That’s what I’m calling ’em from now on!

How To Deal With Customers Who Refuse To Leave After Closing

, , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2023

Our store has this client who religiously comes into the store five minutes before closing. He never wants any help with anything and will spend an hour walking around the store doing absolutely nothing.

He is always just browsing, and he comes at this time because he knows no one else will be there and he wants the store to himself in peace. In the eyes of the staff, he’s a real self-absorbed person who thinks the retail world revolves around him and we are here to serve him.

After witnessing this a few times, and after clearing it with the head office, my manager waits for this guy to show up again, and as expected, five minutes before closing, in walks Mr. Entitled.

The manager walks up to greet him.

Manager: “Do you need any assistance?”

Mr. Entitled: *As per the expected response* “No, thanks. I am just looking around.”

The manager puts his hands on the guy’s shoulders and starts to rotate him 180 degrees. Mr. Entitled is naturally confused.

Mr. Entitled: “What are you doing?!”

Once he’s fully rotated, the manager says:

Manager: “Okay, you have looked around. Now you can leave!”

Naturally, Mr. Entitled was not at all impressed. He made demands and threats about calling the head office, etc., but as it was cleared by the company, no one ever heard anything more about it and he was never seen near closing time again.

Treat Me Like Crap And I’ll Give It Right Back

, , , , , | Working | CREDIT: HungryAd2461 | April 21, 2023

When I was doing my articles at a small law firm — an internship to be admitted as an attorney — I was the go-to person for everything at the office e.g. setting up computers, buying stationery, paying bills, going to court, seeing clients, etc. After being admitted as an attorney, I continued doing all this because the secretary only did about 20% of what a secretary would usually do and refused to do anything else. My boss did some shady business (didn’t pay taxes, etc.) so he couldn’t just fire her for fear of her ratting him out. He also never disciplined her. We are not in the US.

Since we worked from my boss’s mother’s house, the secretary also spent about 50% of her day just chatting with his mother and they became fast friends. Guess who was always the evil one that everyone ganged up on? Yours truly. I was made out to be incompetent at my job, and I used to cry a lot and almost became an alcoholic from work stress.

One day, the secretary got really upset with me after I asked her to buy stationery since we didn’t even have staples. After a heated argument, she told me:

Secretary: “You are not the office manager, and you should stop lording it about as if you were!”

Bear in mind that I was her senior both as an attorney and in the number of years I’d worked at the firm. My boss did nothing and rather got upset with me, as did his mother.

I decided then and there that I was done doing both secretary work and my attorney work because I was working roughly fifty to sixty hours per week — the standard was forty — trying to get everything done without receiving overpay. (The unemployment rate in my country was around 30%, and in the legal field, the supply of lawyers exceeded the demand.) The secretary knew this and my boss knew this, but no one cared that I was basically working myself into an early grave.

Cue malicious compliance. If everyone agreed that I was not the office manager, then I would stop managing the flow of the office and only do my attorney work. I stopped paying the bills, buying the stationery, reminding my boss of important meetings, etc.

Within two weeks, the electricity was cut off for ten days because it wasn’t paid and my boss’s elderly mother and the rest of his family had no electricity. We also could not work for those ten days. Once the electricity was turned back on, the phone lines were cut because of non-payment. Again, we could not work. The post piled up. There was no stationery. We couldn’t do service of court documents because our service providers cut us off. It went on for weeks. I simply worked around the issues and sorted my life out. (One example: when the WiFi was off, I used my cellphone as a hotspot for my laptop without telling anyone.)

In the end, my boss and his mother begged me to do what I used to do, but I refused. Since I was focusing more on my actual work, my fees increased, and my pay increased, as well.

Shortly thereafter, I moved away from that office to our secondary office and worked alongside lovely colleagues who all did what they got paid to do. I have been at this new office — the same firm, just a different location — for the last two years.