Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

My Nose Is Constipated

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2019

(I am the weird customer in this one. I have just moved to the US from Norway to go to college. While I am fluent in English and most people don’t notice my accent, I still get the odd words mixed up. I’m standing in line at the college bookstore, with a pretty bad cold so my nose is stuffy and my eyes are red.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon, miss. How are you today?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks, other than being really constipated.”

Cashier: *blank stare*

Me: *smiling more and more insecurely*

Cashier: “Um…” *clicking* “Oh, you mean congested?”

Me: “Ohhh, oh, my gosh yes! I’m so sorry. I got the words mixed up.”

Cashier: “You’re not from around here, are you?”

Not Thermodynamically Intuitive

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2019

(I work at a very well-known coffee shop, and on this particular day, I’m working drive-thru. A car pulls up to the window, and I take the payment and chit-chat with the driver for a couple of seconds. He’s a nice, normal-seeming man, up until I hand out his drinks.)

Me: “All right, sir, here is your hot decaf black coffee, and here is your iced green tea latte!”

(He looks at the drinks, then turns back to me with a confused look on his face.)

Customer: “Which one is the hot coffee, and which one is the iced latte?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “The… green one in the clear cup is the iced latte, sir. Have a nice day.”

(My faith in humanity dies a little more every time I have to tell someone how to tell the difference between a hot drink in a hot cup that feels very hot and an iced drink with visible ice in it in a cold cup that feels cold.)

Driving Them Away Via The Driveway

, , , , , | Legal | July 5, 2019

(Our house is on the corner of the street, so it is very common for people visiting our neighbors to park in front of our house. I don’t mind when they park in front of our yard, but recently, I’ve been having problems with one particular car getting parked forward enough to be in front of our driveway. They are just an inch or two in front of the drive, and one of my friends who is a cop says that it is unlikely to get towed or even ticketed for just that, so I just deal with it. I do keep a lookout to see if I can catch the person who owns the car and try and talk to them about it. Then, one day, I come out to find the car a full two feet in front of our driveway, blocking me off from getting to work. Thanks to some brick walls along the edge of the drive, there is no way for me to cut around, so I call the police. They arrive about twenty minutes later, after I’ve already called into work to explain the situation. They look at it and then head around to knock on a few doors to see if they can get the driver to move the car before getting a tow truck called out. None of the people who answer claim the car, so a tow truck is called out. By the time it actually arrives, I am an hour late for work and rather steamed. The tow truck gets hooked up and they are loading up the car, when a man suddenly comes charging out of one of the houses across the street — which happens to have a completely empty driveway — screaming about them moving his car.)

Man: “That’s my car! What do you f*****s think you’re doing to my car?!”

Officer: “Sir, your car is blocking this man’s driveway. If you will move it, we can let you off with a ticket rather than impounding it.”

Man: “F*** you!”

(He tries to shove the cop, and ends up being wrestled to the ground, swearing the entire way. He ends up being arrested, and his car is towed off. However, that isn’t the end of it. About a week later, I get a knock on my door, and I answer to see a woman I vaguely recognize from around the neighborhood.)

Woman: “Hey! A**hole! You got my boyfriend arrested, you dumb c***!”

(She then hauled back and tried to spit at me, but she didn’t get enough force, leaving her standing there with spit dripping from her mouth and onto her shirt. She spun around and scurried away at that, but then, a couple of days later, we found our front garden torn up and insults written in lipstick on the side of our car. We contacted the police, mentioning the prior incidents, and they eventually sent out a unit to investigate. I watched as they went and knocked on the door of the house across the street, and I got to see this lady try and take a swing at the officers and end up getting hauled off. Like boyfriend, like girlfriend, I guess.)

Sub-Standard Behavior

, , , , , | Right | April 8, 2019

(After work I always head to the same sandwich shop. In this sub shop, to save time, they will charge you while your sub is toasting. When I walk in, I see a young man in our uniform accosting the workers at the sub shop.)

Uniformed Teen: “G**d***, you people are so slow! I know we’re down the road from [Nearby University], but that doesn’t give you an excuse to show up high at work or be lazy little s***s at work!”

Worker: “As I told you, sir, the toaster takes a few minutes, and I’m otherwise going as fast as I can.” *starts adding his requested vegetables and toppings*

Uniformed Teen: “Well, that’s not very fast, then. What’re you, slow? Do you even know what I’m saying, b****?”

(My initial shock at seeing a fellow employee treat someone this way wears off and I speak up.)

Me: “So, you work over at [Our Shared Workplace?]”

Uniformed Teen: “Yeah? So? The f*** does it mean to yo—“

(He has now turned around and fully looked me over. I’m wearing my supervisor uniform, sans nametag which I have taken off.)

Uniformed Teen: “Oh, s***!” *runs off before I can get his name*

Worker: “Holy s***! That was hilarious! Hey, he already paid for his sub, chips, and drink. Do you want them?”

(I initially declined, but the worker insisted. I bought my full meal and brought the extra chips and drink to my roommate!)

Won’t Give It A Rest(room)

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(My store only has one set of restrooms, near the checkouts, but there are several stalls so there’s usually not a wait even if one stall is out of order or dirty. I’m working near the back of the store when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Where’s your restroom?”

Me: “Up front, near the registers.”

Customer: “No, no, your restroom. Where’s the one you use?”

Me: “I use that one.”

Customer:No! Where. Is. The. Restroom.You. Use? When you don’t want to use that one? That one’s dirty!”

Me: “That’s the only restroom in the store. I can’t step away from my project right now, but if it’s dirty I can call a coworker to clean it.”

Customer: “No! It’ll still be dirty. I won’t use some filthy public restroom. I know you have an employee restroom in the back room; let me use that one!”

Me: “Um… No, there is no separate employee restroom. There is only that restroom up front. I use that one. The employees all use that one.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I know there’s one back there!”

(They ran off after that, I guess to find a non-filthy, non-public restroom. I’ve heard of customers thinking there’s infinite stock in “the back,” but this is the first I’ve heard of it also containing a sparkling clean restroom for customers who want it hard enough.)