(My little sister has a sleepover birthday party. We use an Echo Dot to play music for the party. It’s quite early the morning after and all of them stayed up until four in the morning before finally the last one passed out.)

Mom: “Can you go down to the basement and wake them all up for breakfast, please?”

Me: “Oh, sure.”

(I walk downstairs where all of them except for one are still asleep and I walk over to the Echo Dot still sitting on the table. The volume is still up quite loud from last night.)

Me: “Alexa, play ‘Diamonds Aren’t Forever’ by Bring Me the Horizon.”

Alexa: “Got it! Playing ‘Diamonds Aren’t Forever’ by Bring Me the Horizon.”

(I got yelled at by my mom, but it admittedly woke them all up pretty fast.)

I went to a Catholic high school, and at the time, all freshmen had to take Latin I. On the first day of class, the teacher went into how a lot of words in English have Latin roots.

“When the word has ‘bi-‘, it means ‘two.’ With ‘tri-‘, you have ‘three.’” He followed with, “And when you have ‘mono-‘ you have…”

A classmate piped up, “Trouble!”

That’s a Latin lesson I’ve never forgotten.

(My mother’s small dog, whom I love more than most people, is a bit of a pill when it comes to doing his business outside. It’s not that he would rather do it inside; he just sometimes doesn’t seem to want to do it at all, and it’s something of a chore to get him to do a “number two”. I have him out in his yard one afternoon while my mother is doing something else.)

Me: “Come on, buddy. You can do it! Assume the position!”

(I keep up a stream of relative nonsense for a few minutes until my mother comes outside to continue her project. She pauses and watches me.)

Mom: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “Trying to get [Dog] to do what he needs to do.”

Mom: “By annoying him?”

Me: *pause* “Yeah! I’m harassing the s*** out of him!”

(The look I received could have melted stone.)

(I am a cashier. A customer comes up and I ring out his items without any problem. He hands me a $100 bill and, as company policy states, I hold it up to the light to check for counterfeit.)

Customer: “I am appalled!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *look of disgust* “You just looked at that bill like it was fake!”

Me: “Well, company policy says that I have to check all large bills for counterfeit. We’ve had issues with it recently.”

Customer: “I know you’re just doing your job, but I am appalled.”

Me: “Um… Okay. Well, I apologize for offending you.”

Customer: “No, you’re just doing your job. But I am really appalled.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Customer: *walks out shaking his head* “I am just appalled.”

(I work at a hardware store. A customer comes in with a white piece of paper, with a line on it from one side to the other side.)

Customer: “I need this item.”

Me: “I’m gonna send you to the service desk and they will get you what you need.”

Coworker: “Do you need a light bulb, plumbing item, electrical parts, a tool?”

Customer: “No, no, no, the item is white.”

(My coworker gets another coworker to try to figure it out.)

Coworker: “Do you need paint?”

Customer: “YES! I need white paint.”

(I facepalmed. What does that line on a piece of paper have to do with paint?!)