(I work at a hardware store. A customer comes in with a white piece of paper, with a line on it from one side to the other side.)

Customer: “I need this item.”

Me: “I’m gonna send you to the service desk and they will get you what you need.”

Coworker: “Do you need a light bulb, plumbing item, electrical parts, a tool?”

Customer: “No, no, no, the item is white.”

(My coworker gets another coworker to try to figure it out.)

Coworker: “Do you need paint?”

Customer: “YES! I need white paint.”

(I facepalmed. What does that line on a piece of paper have to do with paint?!)

Customer: *walks over to my female manager and me* “We need a man to help us over here.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but there are no male associates in the store right now. What can we help you with?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My husband needs help with shoes so we need a man.”

Manager: “I assure you that we are all well trained in multiple departments here and can help. What can we help you find?”

Customer: “Well, my husband needs a size fifteen.”

Manager: “Not a problem. Does he need something specific? Dress shoes? Athletic shoes?”

Customer: “Tennis shoes. A man helped us last time. Tall guy, with a beard.”

Manager: “Oh, you must mean [Employee]. Unfortunately, he no longer works at this store — he moved to another location — but we’ll let him know you were pleased with him.”

Customer: “Oh… Well… Okay… So, I guess he won’t be helping us, then?”

(My manager then continued to lead the customer over to her husband and the shoes he was looking for. They ended up purchasing several pairs. The husband was very polite and thanked us several times. The wife still looked flustered on her way out.)

(I got my dog last Friday. When I’m picking him up from the bath, a man approaches me and this conversation ensues. I’m Asian.)

Man: “Cute puppy! Is it Chinese?”

Me: “No, he’s a Keeshond.”

Man: “And that’s Chinese?”

Me: “No, it’s Norwegian.”

Man: “Oh. What’s his name?”

Me: “Brynjolf.”

Man: “And that’s…?”

Me: “Nordic.”

Man: “Oh! So you’re from Japan?”

Our English Setter has had surgery to repair an ACL injury. She chews on her stitches and manages to pop one. We load her in the car to make the 45-minute drive to the vet, calling ahead to make sure they know we’re coming, as we know we’ll be pushing closing time for them.

We get there a few minutes before close and our vet comes into the waiting room to greet us. He picks up our girl and proclaims dramatically, “What did you do that for, you b****?!”

His vet tech (and we) totally lost it.

And he replaced the stitches with staples for us!

My wife, my sister-in-law, my young son, my young nephew, and I were at an amusement park that’s geared to the younger set. My nephew is nine months older than my son, but they were both about five or six years old. They were about to get on the bumper cars.

There was a big sign about safety so I yelled out to my son, “[Son], no head-on collisions… so just T-bone [Nephew].” My sister-in-law laughed and then scolded me.