(My partner and I are house-sitting for a family member. We decide to be lazy and order a pizza online for delivery from a local pizza joint. When we sit down to eat it, it is apparent that the bacon and basil we paid extra to receive are absent, so I call them to work out what to do. I don’t let injustices slide, even little ones.)

Me: “Hey there! I’ve just had my pizza delivered, and it didn’t come with the bacon and basil I added on.”

Worker: *after verifying my order and details* “We’re sorry about that. Let me just check with my manager.”

(I am on hold for literally eight and a half minutes.)

Worker: “We can credit you for when you next get pizza.”

Me: “Sorry, but we’re not from around here, so that won’t work. Can we just have the money refunded for the extras we didn’t receive?”

Worker: “Let me check.”

(They put me on hold for another three minutes.)

Worker: *very snarkily* “We can’t do that. It’s just like a dollar, though.”

Me: “It may not seem like much money, but that’s my money. It’s three dollars that I paid to your business for goods that I did not receive. The only solution I can think of is a refund for what I did not receive.”

Worker: *still heaps snarky* “Fine. I’ll check.”

(And they put me on hold for another few minutes.)

Worker: “We’ll get a delivery driver to bring your precious dollar, okay?” *hangs up*

(We then had to wait up for a delivery driver to receive our money — and not the right amount. All we wanted was what we paid for. It’s a shame that was too much to ask. And lady, it wasn’t my error, it was your business’s. There was almost enough saltiness in your demeanour to replace the bacon I ordered.)

Related:
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 4
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 3
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 2
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility

(I live in a small town where one church sends members around to people’s houses. My family is technically Church of England, but we are not religious. This church’s members are extremely persistent. I am around eight years old, and my grandparents have a farm. Two church members park their car at the locked gate, climb the gate, and walk down the long driveway to the house. My grandparents have rung the church and sent letters asking them not to come onto the property, but they keep doing it week after week. My grandfather has warned them.)

Grandfather: *hearing the dogs barking* “G**d*** it. I’ve warned them.”

(He then goes to the cupboard where he keeps the shotgun for putting cattle down, culling kangaroos, etc., and goes outside and sits on the front porch steps with the shotgun behind him, out of sight of the two guys. I’m curious as to what’s going on, so I go to watch. As the men get close enough…)

Grandfather: “I’ve warned you. Now you have one minute to get off my property before I shoot.”

(He points the shotgun at them. I’ve never seen two people move so quickly in my life. They run up the driveway, jump the gate, and are gone in about a minute. About an hour later, two local cops come.)

Cop #1: “Now, [Grandfather], you can’t be doing that.”

Grandfather: “I’ve warned them numerous times and contacted the church. Plus, it wasn’t loaded.”

(This is true. As the farm is no longer a working farm, just a home, he doesn’t keep it loaded.)

Cop #2: *trying not to laugh* “Still, you’ll have to go to court over this.”

(My grandfather does have to go to the court, where the judge gives him a $100 fine, makes him hand in the gun, and tells him not to do it again. The church members never return. The second incident happens when I am about 19. As I’ve never really been religious and none of my housemates are, I would just ignore them, but this day they happen to catch me coming home. As I’m about to open the front door:)

Church Member: “Excuse me. Do you have a moment?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not religious, and no one here is. Please don’t come here again.”

(I open the door and step inside.)

Church Member: “Wait, if you’re not religious, how do you think the world was created, then? Surely you don’t think the big bang or evolution is the answer?”

Me: *sick of them already* “To be honest, I think we’re just a ‘big brother’ experiment for aliens. We’re here for their entertainment. Whenever an earthquake or something happens it’s because they’re bored.”

(I shut the door. My housemate, who heard the whole thing, can’t stop laughing.)

Housemate: “That’s better than the guy who pointed a shotgun at them a few years ago.”

Me: “Yep, that was my grandfather. I’m just a little more diplomatic.”

Housemate: “Seriously? That even made the newspaper!”

(They never came back to my house, either.)

(My husband and I are taking advantage of the kids being asleep to get intimate. Having not folded laundry in a week, we’ve accumulated a pile of it, which we have pushed off the bed first. We’ve just gotten naked and are now on the bed. I am face-down.)

Me: *coquettishly* “Now what are you going to do to me?”

Husband: *whisper-laughing* “Make you fold the laundry.”

Me: *laughing* “And they say romance is dead!”

(When my daughter was born, my mother-in-law hated that I was breastfeeding her and would try to order me to get her onto bottled formula. A couple of weeks after giving birth, I bring my baby to see my husband’s grandmother. My baby starts crying while she is being held by her great-grandmother.)

Grandmother: “Do you breastfeed her?”

Mother-In-Law: *grunts* “Yes, she thinks it’s natu—”

Grandmother: *cuts her off* “Well, get your boob out; the wee thing is hungry, and booby is best.”

([Mother-In-Law] never chastised me again for breastfeeding.)

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(I am part of a team sourced from other stores to help a store get organised, as they can’t seem to get work completed. The company has had nothing but complaints about the state of the store. I find myself working alongside one of the store’s employees. We both have our own tasks. She is taking stock out of cartons and arranging them onto a shelf.)

Coworker: “What do you think? Does that look okay?”

Me: “Yeah, they look fine there.”

Coworker: *starts taking the items off the shelf and putting them back into the carton*

Me: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “I have to dust the shelf” *she dusts the shelf, then puts the stock back in place* “Yes, that looks good.” *again she starts taking the stock off the shelf and placing them back into the carton*

Me: “What are you doing now?”

Coworker: “Now I have to price the stock.” *stands back watching me using my scanner*

Me: “Are you waiting to use this?”

Coworker: “No, I have one.”

(My coworker picks up her scanner and starts fiddling around with it finally she makes her first scan and then starts scanning about 24 of the same item separately instead of simply putting a quantity in. I am dumbfounded, and simply don’t want to be working next to this woman.)

Me: “How about I finish up those with my lot and you go to find [Supervisor] for another job?”

Coworker: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

(I had completed about ten shelves in the time it took her to not complete one. I think I know why they had so much trouble keeping the store organised. It didn’t surprise me when the company decided to close that location down.)