So She Thinks She Can Dance

| | Right | December 8, 2009

(A little old lady approaches me and a new employee while we’re standing in the movie theater lobby.)

Customer: *dances*

Me: “That’s nice, ma’am.”

Customer: *continues dancing*

Me: “Um…I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Customer: *continues dancing*

Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know how to respond.”

Customer: “You could say ‘You’re a great dancer!'” *walks toward the
concession stand*

New guy: “Does that happen often?”

Me: “No. Believe it or not, that’s actually a new one.”

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Getting To The Root Of The Problem

| | Right | December 2, 2009

(I am selling souvenir programs and backpacks for Legally Blonde: The Musical in the lobby. The customer I’m talking to is a brunette; so am I.)

Me: “Would you like a souvenir program?”

Customer: “But you’re not blond.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am? Would you like a program?”

Customer: “This is Legally Blonde! You should be blond.”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “You know, it’s funny…I was blond for six months and just dyed my hair back to my natural color before I found out this show was coming.”

Customer: *completely serious* “But you are not blond!”

Me: “No ma’am, I am not.”

Customer: “Why would they let you sell things for the show when you are not blond?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to be blond to work at the theater.”

Customer: “But it’s Legally BLONDE!”

Me: *giving up* “You see, ma’am they needed someone who could do math, so they got a brunette.”

Customer: “Oh, that makes sense. I will take two, then!”

Another customer behind her: “Well played. Now I feel like I have to buy one!”

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Dance of the Eye Gouger Fairies

| | Right | December 2, 2009

(Our office sells tickets to two different locations that are no more than 10 minutes apart for event and performances that are often very different. A caller is inquiring about one of these performances.)

Me: “This performance is at [address].”

Customer: “Wait, it’s at [address]? Oh, that’s too far to drive. Is there anything happening downtown that day?”

Me: “Yes, sir. There is a performance of the Nutcracker that evening.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I think I’d rather gouge my eyes out than be exposed to culture! I’ll have to call you back.”

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You Have No Brrraaaiiins

| | Right | November 16, 2009

Me: “Hi, welcome to [theater]!”

Customer: “Hi. Is Dead Snow a horror movie?”

Me: “Kind of…it’s about zombies.”

Customer: “So, it’s a documentary?”

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They Do Have A Point

| | Right | November 13, 2009

Customer: “I want two tickets to Precious.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t come out in this state until the 20th. It only opened limited in a few states today, but no theater in North Carolina will get it until November 20th.”

Customer: “I looked on the website! It said you had it!”

Me: “Please come inside to the customer service counter.”

(I pull up our website and the Precious movie website.)

Me: “See, both sites say that it doesn’t open here until the 20th. Sorry about the mix up.”

Customer: “But Oprah said it would be playing!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Oprah has no control over our movie schedules.”

Customer: “Oprah controls EVERYTHING!”

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