A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

| United Kingdom | Right | November 25, 2010

Customer: “Can I have an adult and two students for [film]?”

(The film is rated ‘15’, and the two children with her look like they might not be old enough.)

Me: “Can I just ask your dates of birth?”

First Child: “September 1995.”

Second child: “Umm…”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you the tickets as your son can’t give me a date of birth to confirm he is 15.”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! He was born in August 1995. They’re my children. I think I know how old they are! Now will you sell us the tickets!”

Me: “Wait, they’re both your children?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes!”

Me: “And they were only born a month apart?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You have to be pregnant for nine months.”

Customer: “Yes! So?”

Customer: *realises*

(The customer swears and walks off.)

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You And Me Could Write A Bipartisan Romance

| Durham, NC, USA | Right | November 12, 2010

(I am the first person to arrive at work in the morning, and I answer a call as soon as I walk into the door.)

Caller: “Finally! I have been calling since 5 am! You people should be ashamed. I have an emergency!”

Me: “I’m sorry. No one gets here until 10 am most days. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I have a serious problem! My daughter has planned to have a date sometime today at your theater, and I told her she was not allowed to go! I need you to cancel her ticket!”

(I see no pre-sales for the day at all.)

Me: “No one has bought a ticket so far for today, so I can’t really help. Maybe you should just make her stay home?”

Caller: “Well, I can’t do that. She lives in her own place and I can’t get over there in time to stop her.”

Me: “Just how old is your daughter anyway?”

Caller: “She’s 28.”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s an adult and I cannot refuse her a ticket because you do not approve of her date.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! He’s a Democrat!”

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In The Twilight Of Their Youth

| Perth, Australia | Right | October 21, 2010

(I’m serving a family at the box office. The wife keeps looking nervously at the Vampires Suck poster we have on display.)

Me: “You’ll be in Cinema 6 for Tomorrow. Enjoy your movie guys!”

Wife: “Excuse me, I just have one question.”

Me: “Yes?”

Wife: *leans in close* “Are people actually watching Vampires Suck?”

Me: “Yes, it’s very popular with young teenagers and has sold out a few times.”

Wife: “But… but… it’s insulting Twilight!”

Me: “I know, I saw it too.”

(The husband quickly grabs his wife by the arm before she can say anything else.)

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Popcon

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | October 17, 2010

(A customer walks up holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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Thankful For A Thankless Job

| Florida, USA | Right | September 20, 2010

(I am working behind the concession stand on Thanksgiving day.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I buy some of that food over there?”

(They point to the employee’s Thanksgiving food we have to eat between shows.)

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry it’s not for sale.”

Customer: “Why not? That’s ridiculous.”

Me: “Our families brought us that food for Thanksgiving since we have to be here instead of celebrating with them. I can’t sell it to you.”

Customer: “You’re so selfish!”

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