A customer comes in looking at a Nikon DSLR camera.

Me: “Hi! Do you have any questions, sir?”

He asks a couple of generic questions while looking at his iPad.

Customer: “Hmm… On Amazon, I can get an extra lens for $100.”

Manager: “We can match the price for you in-store.”

Customer: “Hmm… I think I would prefer to purchase it from Amazon because it’s free shipping.”

My manager and I look at each other.

Manager: “But… you could get it here. Now. For the same price.”

He gives us a dirty look.

Customer: “I don’t want any more help.”

Manager: “Well then, have a nice day, sir.”

As we walk away my, manager whispers to me:

Manager: “Never doubt the stupidity of the average consumer.”

Many years ago, when I was around sixteen years old, I had carefully budgeted my pay from my casual part-time job to buy some presents for my friends. (I can’t remember whether it was Christmas or birthdays.) I was at my local shopping centre (which is in a lower socioeconomic area), and when I was about to leave, I was pulled to the side by a pop-up kiosk guy selling some kind of fancy-looking nail care.

Kiosk Guy: “Can I get some of your time to look at our range of nail care? This red sea salt buffer will do you wonders.”

Me: “Look, mate, I’m a student, I work only a few hours a week, and I budget my money. Plus, it’s all spent and I’ve got no money left.”

Kiosk Guy: “That’s no problem. Let me have a look at your nails, I’ll show you how nice it is, and you can look at it for the future.”

He started showing me the product, and again, I made it clear that I had no money and wasn’t going to be making a purchase, but I didn’t have the confidence to just walk away at that age. He showed me a “sample” of how it worked by buffing one of my nails and putting a serum on it.

Me: “It sure is nice, but it looks pricey.”

Kiosk Guy: “Well, if you buy it today, I could give you a great discount!”

Me: “Ah, that’s nice, but I know you couldn’t bring it down to a price I can afford.”

Kiosk Guy: “Of course, I could! The price to buy this kit at a spa or online is $160, but today I could do it for $100!”

Me: “Ha! Yeah, nah, I still couldn’t afford that.”

Kiosk Guy: “You know what? You seem like such a nice girl who could really use this product. How about just $80 for the kit?!”

Me: “Remember when you pulled me over here and I said I was on a budget and had no money? And during this conversation, I told you that I am still in school and won’t be able to afford this?”

Kiosk Guy: “I’m sure I can find you a deal on one of our products. How much could you spare for a purchase today?”

Me: “Five dollars is what is left in my account right now.”

Kiosk Guy: *Confused* “Just five dollars?”

Me: “I told you I wouldn’t be able to buy anything today. I wasn’t having you on.”

The Kiosk Guy just looked at me so stunned and confused, and I just stood awkwardly for a few moments and walked away.

Me: “Okay, my estimate for what you’re looking for is $120.”

Client: “That seems high.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but those are my rates.”

Client: “Is this one of those ‘floating price’ things? I think that’s just a dramatic way of asking for more money.”

I changed the client’s name in my contacts to “Cheap Know-It-All”.

A customer has been hanging out at our restaurant for almost three hours having dinner with her friend. We are slow, and they are very cool and chatty with me, sharing that they haven’t seen each other for over twenty years. They enjoy the food and service.

All is going well.

When they are finally ready to leave:

Customer: “I’ll be paying the entire bill.”

It is about 230-something dollars. When I turn the handheld to her on the tip screen, she very politely and properly says:

Customer: “Not this time, darling. Another time.”

A few seconds later, her card is declined.

I politely try to assist while laughing my a** off on the inside. I ask her to check if her bank has contacted her, yadda yadda yadda, the usual lines I give to avoid customers being embarrassed when this happens. I am overly sweet — sickeningly so.

Customer: “Can I go get you the cash and come back? I don’t have any on me.”

Me: “Not this time, darling. Another time.”

She had to grovel to her friend to pay.

I work the crazy busy brunch hours during the summer, with nice weather and tourists. I’m working outside and a guy comes in off the street.

Guy: “Can you give me a twenty for smaller bills?”

I’m swamped, but I take his cash, count it, and hand him the twenty. I turn around and he says:

Guy: “Wait, you only gave me a ten.”

Sure enough, there was a ten-dollar bill in his hand. Since I was crazy busy and tired, I assumed I’d made a mistake, took the ten, and gave him a twenty, which was dumb. I was short at the end of my shift and made sure to keep an eye out for him.

A few months later, he tried to pull the same thing on a coworker but couldn’t get the twenty up his sleeve in time.

We found out he was quite the sprinter.