I own a store that sells and services fireplaces. A guy calls the store.

Caller: “Do you guys clean fireplaces?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Caller: “Okay, and how much do you charge?”

Me: “$200.”

Caller: “Two… hundred?! What do you do for that much? I’ve got to hear this.”

I explain the whole cleaning process, as well as the safety inspection process.

Caller: “All right, well, that’s a little steep for me. I’m going to call around.”

Me: “No problem!”

I tell my employee about this funny call I just got. A minute later, the phone rings again, and the caller ID confirms it’s the same guy. This time, I have my employee answer.

They proceed to have the same conversation, except the caller asks when we could come out. We say we have an opening next Monday, and he says he has to check his schedule and he’ll call back.

About thirty minutes later, the same guy calls again. I answer, assuming he’s realized that everyone charges about the same price and we can probably come out the soonest.

Caller: “Do you guys clean fireplaces?”

I mentally face-palm.

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Caller: “Okay, and how much do you charge?”

Me: “$200.”

Caller: “Geez… Why does everyone charge $200?”

Me: *As cheerfully as possible* “Well, to be fair, sir, this is the third time you’ve called us.”

Caller: “Oh, really? I’m sorry. But wait a second. Why do you guys charge so much? This couldn’t be more than an hour of work.”

Me: “You’re not just paying for the technician’s time. You’re paying for the gas to get there, the truck, the tools, etc. You’re also paying for the car insurance, liability insurance, worker’s compensation, our rent for the store, and the wages of the employees available here to answer your call or help you when you come to the store. We also have an electric bill, gas bill, and water bill.”

I’ve had this type of question a lot, and this answer has almost always been met with understanding and usually winning the customer’s business. This time, however…

Caller: “Well, why do you pass those costs on to me? Why don’t you pay for it?”

Me: “Where do you suppose I get the money to pay for it myself?”

Caller: “From the money you take in as a business!”

Me: “Just not your money?”

Caller: “No, I mean… Ugh, okay, I get it. All right, well, $200 is just too much. I’m going to call around. I promise I won’t call you again.”

Me: “Fair enough. Have a nice night.”

A family comes in on Sunday for the lunch buffet. They’re great, we are laughing and joking, and I am really enjoying the table. When they leave, the husband leaves $2.00 on the table. I overhear the following conversation between him and his wife.

Husband: “Two dollars? Really?”

Wife: “What? It’s Sunday.”

Husband: “But he was a great guy. I think we should leave more.”

Wife: “It’s the Lord’s Day. He shouldn’t be working.”

I work at a tea store where we sell tea to make yourself and drinks to take with you. My coworker is making a customer a drink when another comes up to the counter ready to check out. Trying to multitask, my coworker greets the new customer.

Coworker: “What can I get you?”

New Customer: “A gift card for $20.”

Coworker: “I will help you when I am done making this other customer’s drink.”

The drink gets done, and the coworker turns to the original customer.

Coworker: “That’ll be $5.37.”

The original customer pays and the new customer who wants the gift card comes up.

Coworker: “That will be $20, please.”

New Customer: “You said it was $5.37.”

Coworker: “That was the price for the customer ahead of you. Your $20 gift card will be… $20.”

New Customer: “But you said it was $5.37. I want it for $5.37!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, the price of the gift card has to match what you pay for it.”

New Customer: “Why?”

Coworker: “Otherwise, we’d be losing money.”

New Customer: “So?”

Retail has taught me that there is such a thing as a stupid question, and there are even stupider people behind those questions.

Related:
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 26
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 25
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 24
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 23
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 22

I’m a librarian. I’ve just received a large order of books, but something’s not right. I call the publisher.

Me: “Hi, I ordered a bunch of books from you and paid for processing. However, all the bar codes and spine labels came in an envelope, instead of already attached to the books, which I paid for.”

Representative: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Me: “So, can I get a credit for the $5 I paid to have them come already attached?”

Representative: “We can’t offer you credit. If you like, we can send you a mailing label, you can box them back up and ship them to us, and we’ll stick the labels on and return them to you.”

Me: “You’d rather pay like fifty dollars in postage and delay my order for over a week, rather than give me a five-dollar credit?”

Representative: “Um… Yeah… We’ll credit you.”

A little old lady walks up to my till and orders a chicken wrap. For those who have never eaten a wrap from our chain, it comes with chicken, lettuce, cheese, whatever sauce goes on it, and nothing else. The lady wants to add tomatoes to her wrap. We have to charge for this; it’s ten cents.

Customer: “I don’t want to pay extra for tomatoes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s policy.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve never had to pay extra.”

Me: “They were supposed to charge you for that, ma’am. I’m sorry, but that’s policy.”

Then, she says something that makes my blood boil. She looks right at me and says…

Customer: “Oh, you must be new here. I never pay extra for tomatoes.”

She speaks in the most condescending “Oh, you’re so cute when you don’t know what you’re doing, little girl” voice I have ever heard in my life.

My biggest pet peeve is when older people treat me like I’m a stupid child and they know better so I just need to do what my elders tell me. So, of course, this kills my friendly customer service attitude immediately.

I grit my teeth, take the smile off my face, and gave her the blankest stare I can.

Me: “No, ma’am, I’ve worked here for five years; I think I know what I’m doing. You can pay the ten cents, or I can give you a wrap without tomatoes. Your choice.”

The lady got really quiet and then muttered that she would pay. She didn’t say another word to me; she just took her wrap and left.