An office colleague used to sit facing me, about a metre away, so I’d often hear both sides of her phone conversations.

One day, she answered a call from a French man whose English was weak. He wanted one of the managers. However, the managers wanted us to introduce callers before putting them through.

(Names have been changed.)

Caller: “I want talk John Smith.”

Colleague: “Canahskhooscawingpleas?”

My colleague spoke Estuary English — rapidly. In plain English, she was really saying, “Can I ask who’s calling, please?”

Caller: *Pausing* “John Smith.”

Colleague: *Very rapidly* “Nouhmeanineedyawnamefawcanputyathrough.”

Translation: “No, I mean I need your name before I can put you through.”

Caller: “I want talk John Smith.”

My colleague paused again, and I could sense she was frustrated and baffled as to why this caller couldn’t understand. She got partway through her next Estuary sentence when I’d had enough and waved her down.

Me: *To my colleague* “WHAT. IS. YOUR. NAME.”

My colleague fortunately immediately twigged what the problem was and how to get the caller to understand.

She spoke to the caller again, this time enunciating clearly and slowly.

Colleague: “WHAT. IS. YOUR. NAME.”

Caller: “Jean Dupond.”

My colleague gave me a quick thumbs-up and a wry smile before putting Jean Dupond on hold. Then, she connected to John Smith, the manager.

Colleague: “Shaw Doopaw coming through for you.”

Manager: *Pausing* “Oh, yes, put him through, thanks.”

In fairness to my colleague, she was no idiot. She’d work very fast and get a whole lot done. It was just that sometimes she couldn’t seem to slow down. It was a pity when she left.

A new assistant recently started working with us, and for the first week, she was fine. She fit in with the rest of us, worked well, and was friendly.

After a week, she announced:

New Assistant: “I’m pregnant! I’m going to leave to take my maternity leave after my first six months are up. That way, I get my maternity pay.”

Manager: “I don’t think so. You have to work your six months before you get pregnant.”

New Assistant: “Oh… I thought I could just do six months, and then I’d be entitled to it.”

Manager: “Nope.”

She went home that evening and never came back.

I am waiting for my coffee in a coffee shop. The front counter has a machine that makes a certain two-beep noise every few seconds when an online order comes in. The notes the beeps make sound familiar but I can’t quite place it.

I have been coming to this coffee shop every day for a while so I know the nationalities of the workers.

Moroccan Worker: “That beep…”

Mongolian Worker: “Yeah…”

Italian Worker: “What about it?”

Moroccan Worker: “It sounds like the first two notes from Super Mario.”

Mongolian Worker: “Oh my god, you’re right!”

Moroccan Worker: *Makes the noise.* “Do-dee…”

Mongolian & Italian Worker: *Both chiming in.* “—do-dee…doo-de-do—”

Argentinian & Gambian Worker: *Both chiming in.* “—do-de-de-doo-doo-de-doo-de-doo-do-do!”

Within seconds every worker, regardless of where they came from, and even a few customers finish the riff, and it brings a smile to everyone’s face. Just goes to show no matter where you’re from some things transcend cultures!

Today is Mario Day! Get your fix of more Mario-themed stories with our Mario Day Roundup! Let’s-a go!

I was walking through this very long train to position myself for the optimal point to disembark, so I went through multiple interconnecting doors between carriages.

This was decades ago before interconnecting doors slid apart just by pressing a button, and on this train, it was a hinged door you had to push. Usually, these hinged doors would open easily, but sometimes they’d stick a bit.

With one door, I turned the handle and pushed, but there was some friction so I had to push a bit harder to open it. 

When I turned round to close it, I noticed a carrier bag full of shopping there, and I realised that this was what caused the friction. And someone sitting in the seat next to the door was glaring at me. 

Obviously, one of the stupidest places to leave a bag is in front of a door, so I just stared back at him for two seconds, silently closed the door, and sat down. I looked up a few seconds later, and the man was still glaring at me. I stared back for another couple of seconds and resumed reading my paper but not before noticing that he’d reinstated the bag in front of the door.

Thirty seconds later, a woman came through the door and apologised to the man for having pushed his shopping aside, but the man just silently glared back at her, and again, he put the bag in front of the door. He was also still glaring at me.

I stopped taking any notice until about ten minutes later. I looked up and saw the man picking the bag up while someone was turning the handle, and after that person came through, he put his bag in front of the door again.

This was a busy commuter train in South London, so the man must have been doing this continually throughout the journey — hearing the door handle, picking up his bag, and then putting it back again — instead of putting it in the overhead rack or between his legs like any normal person.

I work for a donation-based charity stop, so inspirational acts occur frequently in my life. A few stand out though.

Donator: “I’d like to donate this item to the shop. You’ll likely get a pretty penny for it.”

Me: “Sir! Are you sure? This… this is a PS5!”

Donator: “Haha, yes, I am sure. I got it for my son for Christmas, but his grandparents also got him one. And we were thinking over Christmas that if our family can afford to have two PS5’s there’s probably a family out there that can’t afford one that might be able to through you guys and a charity gets a nice little earner to boot.”

Me: “I… understand, I think. Would you like me to keep it in the back for a day or two in case you change your mind?”

Donator: “Does buyer’s remorse also apply to some people who donate.”

Me: “When it’s high-value items, then yes we do.”

Donator: “Well that’s a bit rubbish, but I assure you no such thing with me. Put it on the shelf right now I say! It’ll sell out fast!”

There is a slight “ahem” from a customer behind us.

Customer: *To me.* “I was wondering… maybe… if you were really going to accept the PS5 from this gentleman, that maybe I could get first dibs on it? My kids would be over the moon and I couldn’t afford one at the scalper’s prices.”

Donator: “Told you!”

It was sold for £50 under RRP and the original donator and customer walked out together talking about how much fun it is gaming with their children.