I did some computer work for a local Catholic church. The work I did was top-notch, interviewing the secretary about precisely what they needed. I got their software updated — and legal — as requested.

Two months later, I was called into our firm’s senior partner’s office and read the riot act. Mind you, I had done work for the priest for over fifteen years at a different church.

Senior Partner: “[Secretary] told her boss, [Priest], that you forced them to purchase the wrong software.”

Me: “I didn’t, and I have emails to support my case.”

Senior Partner: “[Priest] wouldn’t lie about this matter.”

Me: “He probably wasn’t lying but received poor information from [Secretary]. I’m more than willing to fix it, though, if they’re not happy with the software.”

Senior Partner: “No. You are not to make contact with [Church] or [Priest] again. They paid [Larger Firm] to come in and fix it.”

I knew the owner of [Larger Firm], so I called him to see what he had been told. Sure enough, [Secretary] had messed something up, but rather than take credit for the debacle, she threw me under the bus.

I got the whole thing drawn up in a memo and presented it to my boss. He didn’t even read it.

Senior Partner: “How could you do something behind my back like this?!”

Cool. I went back to my office and sent an acceptance email for a teaching job at the beginning of the year.

How can you work with or for someone when they no longer trust your word or work ethic? My last day with that firm was the seventeenth anniversary of starting with them.

At the beginning of the school year, the district staff attends a meeting where we’re addressed by the upper administrators. The new assistant superintendent goes on and on about how creative children are and wants us to hear a poem her grandson wrote.

Assistant Superintendent: “‘If I were in charge of the world, I’d cancel homework and bathtime and dentist visits…’ Isn’t that adorable? Let me read more. ‘There’d be no more “Read a book”… You wouldn’t even have books.’” *Pauses* “Well, I guess that’s not so great, but listen… ‘A chocolate chip cookie would be a vegetable.’ How adorable is that? My grandson wishes cookies were vegetables. How cute! How creative!”

That night, using an anonymous email account, I write to her.

Me: “Your grandson’s poem is actually If I Were In Charge Of The World by Judith Viorst.”

Assistant Superintendent: “Yes, well, his teacher read his class the poem and then had them all fill in the blanks for their own version.”

Lady, don’t try to tell a bunch of teachers that your grandson wrote a pretty well-known poem. We do read. She only lasted a year in our district.

I work at a brewery. We only serve beer made in-house. We’re located near several venues, and it’s not unusual for people to try to bring in outside alcohol.

Me: “Excuse me, sir, you’re not allowed to consume outside alcohol on the premises.”

Customer: “This is your beer.”

Me: “Sir, are you really going to look me straight in the eye and tell me that the can of Bud Light you’re literally pouring into your glass right this second was brewed here?”

Customer: “Your bartender sold it to me!”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

They were made to leave.

A customer is calling.

Caller: “I bought a milkshake from you for my ill, bedridden, elderly mother! She lives an hour away, so I had to go a long way! My poor mother dropped the milkshake and a whole live cockroach ran out of it!”

Me: “Do you have any pictures of the roach, ma’am?”

Caller: “No, it ran away.”

Me: “Do you have your receipt of purchase, ma’am?”

Caller: “No, my ill mother threw it away.”

Me: “Do you want to come back and have us remake that shake for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “No, you have roaches in your food! And I live an hour away!”

Me: “What would you like us to do, ma’am?”

Caller: “You need to mail my cash back to me!”

I wanted to ask her to mail the dead cockroach to us first, but I had to simply professionally decline.

I work at a discount retailer, and we use our own price tags for everything rather than whatever the manufacturer puts on their items. Our tags usually have a basic description on them, like size and color, so it’s generally easy to notice if someone switches the tags.

I recently had a couple come in to return several things. Everything was fine with all of their items until the last one. It was an area rug, and while it wasn’t used or anything, nothing about it added up. The tag said it was supposed to be eight feet by ten feet for $110 when it was significantly smaller and should’ve been much cheaper, and the manufacturer’s label, which had a picture of the full pattern, wasn’t even close to the same design.

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t return this. This tag doesn’t go to this rug; nothing about it matches.”

Female Customer: “Well, that’s not my problem. That’s how we got it.”

Male Customer: “This is [Store]. Nothing here matches!”

They clearly didn’t accept what I was saying, so I called a manager over to take a look.

Manager: “Sorry, but this rug isn’t $110. We can’t return it for that.”

Male Customer: “Well, that’s what it is on the receipt!”

Female Customer: “If you scan the tag, what does it say?”

Manager: “It says $110, but it doesn’t matter because the tag doesn’t go to this rug.”

They still wouldn’t accept it, so the manager borrowed their receipt to review the transaction on the security camera. We didn’t have any customers at the time, so they just stood at my register talking loudly to each other about how they were clearly overcharged for the rug.

A few minutes later, the manager came back and even had a clip she recorded on her phone. It showed them buying TWO rugs: one was the one they had brought back, and the other perfectly matched the tag and label they brought in. The actual price of the rug: $50. Suddenly, they stopped insisting they had paid $110 for it, but they kept insisting that all this was our fault somehow.

Female Customer: “Well, you put the tags on wrong, so you need to go back there and fix them!”

Male Customer: “I don’t get it. What’s the problem? Just refund us for the right price.”

The manager explained everything, but it still wasn’t getting through to them, so I took it upon myself to step in.

Me: “Look, we’re going to fix the tag, and you’re going to get your refund — for the correct price.”

Male Customer: “There’s no need to raise your voice.”

I didn’t, but hey, there was also no need to tell bald-faced lies to our faces, and that didn’t stop him, did it?

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 64
Refunder Blunder, Part 63
Refunder Blunder, Part 62
Refunder Blunder, Part 61
Refunder Blunder, Part 60