I’m Thirsty-Nine Going On Foursty

, , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(I am attending a very busy event at a brewery. I’m in line at the bar, behind about 25 people approximately the age of my kids. The script is exactly the same for each.)

Bartender: “ID, please.”

Customer: *hands ID over*

Bartender: “What can I get you?”

(The customer orders, gets drinks, pays, and leaves. Finally, it’s my turn.)

Me: “Hi. Can I have—”

Bartender: “I need to see your I…” *she finally looks AT me* “OH! Sorry, I don’t need… I mean, you’re old enough… I’m sorry. You’re not old-old… you’re just…”

Me: “Thirsty. I’m thirsty. Two porters, please.”

Bartender: “Sure, sorry. Just a second.”

(Another bartender brought my drinks when they were ready. I’m really not sure why she was so upset that she said I looked over 21. I mean, the full head of grey hair usually implies age.)

A Little Sip Of Love

, | San Diego, CA, USA | Romantic | September 28, 2016

(I work in a brewery and I usually have different work hours than my girlfriend but she works ten minutes away from my work.)

Me: *texting* “Hey. I ran out of snacks. You mind bringing me some food over?”

Girlfriend: *texting* “Yeah. Sure.”

(Ten to fifteen minutes later.)

Girlfriend: *texting* “Hey. I’m in the tasting room!”

(I run to the tasting room to find her drinking a beer.)

Me: “Hey! Wait, where’s my food?”

Girlfriend: *pulls out a pop-tart* “There you go!”

Me: *realizes* “You just drove here for a beer, huh?”

Girlfriend: “Nooooo…” *takes sip* “It was because I love you!”

The Most Dangerous Creature In The Room

| CO, USA | Friendly | August 11, 2016

(I own a 210 lbs, very lazy mastiff. I’ve taken him with me to a dog friendly brewery to meet with a friend of mine. Once we get there my dog promptly falls asleep. We are just talking when we are approached by a woman with a small dog.)

Woman: “You can’t have that beast here!”

Me: “Why not? You have your dog and mine has just as much right to be here as yours.”

Woman: “My dog actually behaves! That behemoth will wreck everything!”

(While she is saying this my dog is sound asleep not making a peep and hers is continually barking. Since I won’t back down she goes and gets the manager.)

Manager: “Sir, I’ve got reports that your dog is being aggressive and growling at other patrons.”

Me: “That’s not true at all. He’s been asleep the whole time we’ve been here.”

Woman: “No, he hasn’t! I heard him growling!”

(An admittedly loud noise comes from where my dog is laying.)

Woman: “See! He just did it again. Get him out of here before he attacks my dog and everyone else here.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s called snoring. He’s sound asleep.”

The Cold Reality Of Drinking Alone

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Right | March 1, 2016

(I have had a long day at work and am stopping by a sake brewery on my way home to pick up some for the weekend.)

Me:” I’d like one… no, make that two large bottles of plum sake.”

Salesman: *while bagging my order* “How are you going to drink that?”

Me: *assuming he is asking how I can manage to drink three liters of sake on my own* “Hey! I have friends!”

Salesman: “I prefer to drink it warm, but some people like to drink it cold.”

(Turns out he was asking at what temperature I was going to serve it!)