Something About This Complaint That Bugs Me

A customer is calling.

Caller: “I bought a milkshake from you for my ill, bedridden, elderly mother! She lives an hour away, so I had to go a long way! My poor mother dropped the milkshake and a whole live cockroach ran out of it!”

Me: “Do you have any pictures of the roach, ma’am?”

Caller: “No, it ran away.”

Me: “Do you have your receipt of purchase, ma’am?”

Caller: “No, my ill mother threw it away.”

Me: “Do you want to come back and have us remake that shake for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “No, you have roaches in your food! And I live an hour away!”

Me: “What would you like us to do, ma’am?”

Caller: “You need to mail my cash back to me!”

I wanted to ask her to mail the dead cockroach to us first, but I had to simply professionally decline.