If I Were In Charge Of The School District

At the beginning of the school year, the district staff attends a meeting where we’re addressed by the upper administrators. The new assistant superintendent goes on and on about how creative children are and wants us to hear a poem her grandson wrote.

Assistant Superintendent: “‘If I were in charge of the world, I’d cancel homework and bathtime and dentist visits…’ Isn’t that adorable? Let me read more. ‘There’d be no more “Read a book”… You wouldn’t even have books.’” *Pauses* “Well, I guess that’s not so great, but listen… ‘A chocolate chip cookie would be a vegetable.’ How adorable is that? My grandson wishes cookies were vegetables. How cute! How creative!”

That night, using an anonymous email account, I write to her.

Me: “Your grandson’s poem is actually If I Were In Charge Of The World by Judith Viorst.”

Assistant Superintendent: “Yes, well, his teacher read his class the poem and then had them all fill in the blanks for their own version.”

Lady, don’t try to tell a bunch of teachers that your grandson wrote a pretty well-known poem. We do read. She only lasted a year in our district.