(I’m a sushi chef in a small kiosk in a grocery store. We rent the kiosk from the store but are owned by a parent company. One of the rolls we have is slices of eel on balls of rice, topped with sesame seeds and a sauce.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “What are these… things on the eel?!”

Me: “Those are sesame seeds, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t want them! Make me a new one this instant!”

(She then opens the package containing the sushi and throws it at me, hitting my chest and smearing sauce down my front. I stare at her and slowly turn, making her a new set with no seeds. I hand it to her and she walks away, no thank you or apology. Twenty minutes later, she storms back up, and again, she throws the eel at me, this time hitting my face, as well.)

Customer: “THERE ARE NO SESAME SEEDS!”

Me: *trying to keep my cool, because I need the job* “Ma’am, you requested that I make you a roll with no seeds.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me, you little b****! I want my g**d*** roll made right!”

(I very quietly made her a new roll, this time pouring the seeds into a sauce cup with a lid. I handed it to her, and she left again. Ten minutes later, the lady came back with a grocery store manager, demanding that I be fired for my rudeness. He listened to my side and told her that even if I had done anything wrong, he had no authority to fire me, as I was not his employee. She stomped her feet in the most childish way and stormed out. Thirty minutes later, I looked up to see Eel Lady, as she is now known, walking back through the door, her cheeks puffy. She walked up to me, chewing, and then proceeded to spit chewed-up eel and rice all over me. Eel Lady was then escorted out and permanently banned from the store.)

(I work in a small flower stall on a pretty busy street. We just got our flowers and stuff in the morning, and we do not have any storage rooms, which is pretty obvious. During my shift a customer comes up.)

Customer: “Do you have [flower] in red?”

Me: *knowing that this flower does not exist in that colour* “No, sir, I’m sorry, but this flower does not exist in red; therefore, we do not store it.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I am pretty sure, because it does not exist.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to look it up in your storage room.” *leaves angrily*

(Where the f*** are we supposed to have a storage room if we just have a small stall in the street? Some people.)

(I work at a kiosk inside of a mall. This particular kiosk is even smaller than many other types of kiosks, so it’s exceedingly rare for there to be two or more employees at the same time. I have just handled a customer complaint, and after my attempt to remedy the situation, I get a call from my boss.)

Boss: “Hey, just calling to check how things are going.”

Me: “Yeah, I encountered a little problem not too long ago. Who was working last Saturday?”

Boss: “I was.”

Me: “Sorry to ask, but are you 100% sure? You didn’t hire anyone new or anything?”

Boss: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, a customer just complained about something that happened last Saturday. I’m having a hard time believing it was you because it’s not likely you would’ve made this kind of mistake, and the customer was complaining about a female employee. I thought we were all dudes here.”

Boss: “Did you say a female employee? Oh, g**d*** it. Not again!”

(It turns out his girlfriend visits him at the kiosk to hang out, and when he steps away to go to the bathroom or grab lunch from the food court, she approaches every passing mall patron very aggressively. Of the few sales she manages to obtain, she doesn’t explain the products or the kiosk’s policies adequately, causing frustration to the customer down the line. My boss still isn’t sure why she does this, because she isn’t getting paid for this work, and he has asked her, multiple times, to stop.)

(I work in a cell phone kiosk. A customer comes in to reset his email password. He is an older gentleman and has mentioned in passing that he is married.)

Customer: *almost whispering* “So, those pop up ads with the cute girls… Those aren’t good, right?”

Me: “No, sir, they’re a scam.”

Customer: “Well, my friend said they were trying to steal from me.”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted to be sure. Are you sure I shouldn’t click on those pop-ups?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “How do I see the p*rn in my email?”

Me: “…”

(At age 16, I am volunteering for the first time at a concession stand at a college football game to raise money for my church. Directly above the stand, a large sign says, “SNOW CONES $6 CASH ONLY.” Two guys in their twenties, apparently tipsy, come up to the stand.)

Me: “Welcome to [University] Stadium! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have beer?”

Me: “Sorry, but we only sell snow cones.”

Customer: “What? Where can I get beer?”

Me: “No alcohol is sold in the stadium, sir.”

Customer: “You’re f****** kidding me! Since when?”

Me: “As long as I know of.”

Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have beer?!”

Me: “Quite sure. Would you like a snow cone?”

Customer: “I guess so. How much?”

Me: “Six dollars.”

Customer: “That’s so much!” *looks through his wallet* “Can I have it for five?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t change the prices.”

(The customer hands me a credit card.)

Me: “Sorry, but the stands on this level are cash only. However, credit cards are accepted at stands on the ground floor.”

Customer: *to his friend* “What the f***?” *they start walking away*

Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience. Enjoy the game!”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t have beer?”