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Simultaneously Fighting And Financing The Man

, , , | Right | February 23, 2009

(This took place at a department store makeup counter. Everyone at the counter was wearing big makeup masks at the time.)

Customer: “Why are you wearing that?”

Me: “Well, we’re having a ‘theme day’ to be creative and have fun with the makeup we sell.”

Customer: “You know it’s bad for you, right?”

Me: “The makeup?”

Customer: “Yeah! All the CLEVER people say that!”

Coworker: *jumping in* “Well, we have educations here, too, and–”

Customer: “Yeah, sure… you’re educated to sell this… this, stuff!”

Me: “Whether the makeup is bad for you or not depends on the ingredients. I’m happy to look every one of those up for you if you’re worried about the makeup harming you.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. All the dangerous ingredients are going to go right through my skin… and… the CLEVER people say that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m a chemistry major as well as a makeup artist, so I actually do know about the ingredients. I can assure you that–”

Customer: *turns to my coworker* “Could you help me find a blusher in a color that would suit me, please?”


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Patience (Not) Be Thy Name

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

(Note: this call takes place at 2:15 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How may I help you today?

Caller: “I was supposed to have a tech out here between two pm and four pm! Where the h*** is he?

Me: “Sir, the tech is scheduled for any time between the hours of two and four, so he is not late. He is on his way.”

Caller: “I want a credit for the install fee. I shouldn’t have to pay an install fee if the tech is late.”

Me: “Sir, he is not late. He has until four pm to get there.”

Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor now!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but a supervisor will tell you the same thing…”

Caller: “I don’t wanna talk to you! You don’t know what you are doing! Give me a supervisor, now!”

Me: “No, I will not do that.”

Caller: “You have to! It’s the law!”

Me: “No, it isn’t; it isn’t even company policy. You can wait for the tech, or you can cancel the appointment. Which would you like to do?”

Caller: “Oh… the tech is here.” *click*


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Please Do Not Titillate The Employees

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2009

(I’m 17 and am volunteering at the museum for a ride that takes you on a trip to Mars.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can my son go in there?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no room and this is the last ride.”

Customer: “Hmph.” *drags her son away and whispers something to him*

Customer’s Son: “Um, hi.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer’s Son: “My mom told me to flirt with you so I could see the ride.”

Me: “Uh… yeah. I can’t let you do that.”

Customer’s Son: “Okay.” *goes back to his mother*

Customer: “Well, fine then, young lady. I want to see your manager.”

Me: “Okay, he’s the man over there in the blue shirt with gold collars.”

Customer: “I’m going to tell him you won’t flirt with my son!” *goes away and takes her son with her*

Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

, , | Right | February 11, 2009

(I was sitting behind the counter drinking coffee when a woman walked up to me.)

Me: “Hello, miss! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Give me that!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Customer: *points to my coffee cup* “Give me that! You don’t deserve it. Only rich people like me deserve coffee and tea!”

Me: *sighing and pointing towards the coffee machine* “Miss, if you want some coffee you just need to show me your library card, and you can get some from there.”

Customer: *whips her card out and glares at me* “Here! Now give me your god-d**n coffee!”

(I point to the machine again, then go back to my book and coffee. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her run to the coffee machine, grab the full coffee pot and run out the door.)

Me: “HEY! Give that back!”

Customer: *shouting behind her while running out the door* “You don’t deserve it, you poor little b****!”

(Later on, another library patron who had seen it all came up to me. He told me how the same woman had stolen roses from his flower shop, and said that it was because no one else deserved them.)

A Reversal Of Fortune

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2009

(I’m a female on-call locksmith. It is 3:00 am, in -16-degree weather. I go to the car that the person has been locked out of. I make them sign the paperwork, and I pop the lock in under five minutes.)

Customer: “Wait! Why should I pay $150 for something that only took you two seconds?!”

Me: “Because you couldn’t do it yourself.”

Customer: “You b****! I’m not paying this! I’m going to dispute the charges!”

Me: “Well, in that case…”

(I take the keys and throw them back into the car, lock the door, and slam it shut.)

Me: “Have a good night.”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “You just said you were going to reverse the charges, so I’m reversing the job.”

(I got chewed out so hard for that, but it was worth it.)


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