The Ear Is The Problem, Not The Earring

, , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(I’m an art vendor selling my own beaded jewelry. For each pair of earrings I make, I create a beaded design and then attach it to an earring hook, earring stud, or ear clip. All earrings can be converted to a different type, and I have signs around my booth saying that I will do the conversion for no additional charge. Most customers have no trouble understanding this. But at one fair, two customers enter my booth and look at the jewelry pieces on display. One picks up a pair of earrings attached to ear clips.)

Customer: “I like these earrings. But I don’t wear clip-ons.”

Me: “Oh, that’s no problem. I can easily convert them to pierced earrings. It’ll take me about five minutes, probably less, and it’s no extra charge.”

Customer: “Well, I like them but I just don’t wear clip-ons, so…”

Me: “Um, well, like I said, I can convert them. I have earring wires and studs. It’s no extra cost for me to convert them to pierced earrings, if you don’t mind waiting a few minutes. I can do it right now.”

Customer: “Sorry. I just don’t wear clip-ons, so I’m not interested in buying these.”

Me: *thoroughly confused, since I don’t know how I could be any clearer about her options* “Um… okay, then…”

(The customer set the earrings down on the table, and then she and her friend left the booth.)

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Find My iPhone: The People Version

, , , , | Friendly | October 8, 2019

(It’s the last night of the county fair, so it’s very crowded. I’m waiting in line with some other parents for their kids to get off a ride that spins you around as it tilts on an axel. As the ride tilts downward, I see something go flying from the ride towards the trucks and generators nearby, just barely missing a windshield. A woman walks away from the crowd and crouches under a pickup truck parked in the mud. When she stands up I see her holding a new iPhone. The woman carefully makes her way through the crowd to the ride operator.)

Woman: “Someone on the ride lost this.”

(When the ride stops, the operator grabs her microphone.)

Operator: “Attention, riders! I got a new phone over here! Anyone lose a phone?”

(The riders all pointed to a teenage girl in tears, and then moved aside so she could get off first.)

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Unfiltered Story #172228

, , | Unfiltered | September 30, 2019

(I work as a balloon artist at a local arts market, where I work for tips.)

Boy: Excuse me, how much is a balloon?

Me: I work for tips.

Boy: *looks confused*

Me: That means you pay whatever you want.

Boy: Ok! *runs of, returns a few minutes later* Can you make me an octopus?

Me: Sure! *makes balloon* Here you go, sweetie.

Boy: Thank you! Here’s your tip! *pulls out a huge, bigger than his hand strawberry* I don’t have any money, so I chose the biggest, bestest strawberry! Bye!

*runs off with octopus balloon*

Unfiltered Story #167671

, , | Unfiltered | September 24, 2019

I’m working a jewelry booth at a Renaissance Festival. A boy walks up to me holding a necklace from a display that stands a few feet from the actual booth.

Boy: Excuse me, how much is this necklace?

Me: Nine dollars.

Boy: Oh, I only have a ten. *starts to walk away rejectedly*

Me: I can give you change honey.

Boy: *suddenly excited* Oh wow, really?

(I just nod and he makes the purchase and runs off happily with his necklace and change)

Unfiltered Story #167639

, , | Unfiltered | September 23, 2019

(So I was at my friends 12th Birthday (that was 8 or 9 years ago) at a Brewers Fayre which was very popular and it even had a small play area (that all ways smelled like feet and fart fumes) the place was very big and always packed with people because there was a hotel the size of the Eiffel Tower so their was a fare share of jerks!)

Worker: Hi I’m Jully, can I get you anything?

(Let me say this was my friends table so she was waiting us but…)

Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce: I want a mother fucking mini taco you no good fat, smelly icky bitch!

My Friend: *Eyes grow bigger than a giant squid’s*

Worker: Excuse me?

Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce: Yeah bitch I want ‘dat mini tacos!

Manager who was moving some seats at the time: Madam please don’t use that language in here, we have many children in here and we don’t want that foul mouth on your face in this resteraunt!

Owner who heated from out back: Madam leave now!

Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce and is gonna turn into a fucking John Cena clone: Who cares you mother fucking cunt, fucking fuck you fuck!

(She literly picks up the owner, throws him on the floor and taps her elbow but then the Owner moves out of the way alsmost a tick before the woman shatters her elbow on the concrete floor)

The Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce’s boyfriend runs up from a table on the far, far side of the room)

Middle aged… You now what fuck it In tirred of tiping on this phone I’ll just say BF: You broke my buetiful gal’s arm you cunt!

(I sillently call the police and they come in 5 minutes flat, so it turns out John Cena Woman was wanted in England, Russia and Origen and I got £200,000 by calling the police and I gave %50 to the restraint and shared the rest with friends so yeah all well ends well also they were no mink tacos at the restraunt…..)