(At the museum where I work, I see a patron knocking on one of our replicas with his knuckles.)

Patron: *to wife* “Hey, look, honey. This here is a replica!” *knocks again*

Me: “Sir, please don’t touch that.”

Patron: “But it’s a replica, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, it is, but we still ask that you don’t touch it.”

Patron: “Well, it’s not under a glass case, which means that it is not valuable. I have every right to touch it.”

Me: “No, actually–”

Patron: “Yes! If I see something that’s not cased, it means I can touch it, AND I WILL TOUCH IT!”

Me: *greeting the table* “Hello, how are y’all do–”

Customer: *interrupting* “Do you have cheese dip?”

Me: “Yes, we have queso.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want queso! I want cheese dip!”

Me: “…”

Customer’s Five-Year-Old Daughter: “Daddy, queso is cheese.”

Customer: “Hush!” *looks at me* “What kind of Mexican restaurant doesn’t have cheese dip?”

Me: “Sir, we have cheese dip, but here we call it queso.”

Customer: “Fine! Bring out this ‘queso’ and I’ll let YOU know if it’s cheese dip or not!”

This story is part of our Cheese roundup!

Read the next Cheese roundup story!

Read the Cheese roundup!

This story is part of the Mexican Restaurant roundup!

Read the next Mexican Restaurant roundup story!

Read the Mexican Restaurant roundup!

(The store I work in closes at 10:00 PM. It’s 11:30 pm and I’ve finished closing up shop, so I am about to leave. A customer comes up to the door.)

Customer: “Hey are you open?”

Me: “No, we’re closed.”

Customer: “Okay, but you ARE open, right?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we aren’t.”

Customer: “But I want to buy something.”

Me: “Sorry, you’ll have to buy it tomorrow.”

Customer: “Fine! You f****** scumbag!”

Me: *thinking: what a b****!*

Customer: “I HEARD THAT!”

(It’s almost closing time at the supermarket deli. Two hot chickens are left and have been reduced to half price.)

Customer #1: “Can I please get the last two chickens?”

(As I’m getting the chickens, another customer rushes up to the deli counter.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me. I was here first, before, and I wanted one of those chickens.”

Me: “Sorry… when I looked up, there was only one customer.”

Customer #2: “You had your head down before.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry. They’ve been sold to this man, as he was the only customer here. Unless he’d like to let you have one?”

Customer #1: “No, I’d like them both, thanks.”

Customer #2: “I hope you choke on that chicken!” *storms out*

Did you find this story using our Grocery Store Workers roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

(A customer wearing the famous “I F**K on the first date” t-shirt is at our video rental store complaining about a charge on her account. Note that she also has her four-year-old daughter with her.)

Customer: “You f***ing peons make seven dollars an hour, and you think you can tell us what to do?! You lost that movie yourself!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do–”

Customer: “No, but you will be sorry! I expect a heartfelt apology to my face!”

(The customer storms out of the store with her daughter in tow, but before I can get to the next customer she comes back in.)

Customer: “My daughter is bawling because of you! So, thank you! THANK YOU!”

(She kicks the door on her way out and goes back to her car. I take a deep breath and put my smile back on.)

Me: “I can help who’s next!”

Next Customer: “Did she just call you a peon?”

This story is part of the Even-More-Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Wrong Customers Who Tried To Blame Anyone Else But Themselves

Read the first roundup story!

Read the roundup!