I have gone to the hospital for my monthly blood test, due to some medication I have been taking. I have needed the toilet for some time but have held on as it was almost my turn in the queue. As soon as everything is done, I run to the toilet and close the door behind me. I have just sat down when…

Woman: *Knocking on the door* “Can you hurry up, please?”

Me: “I’ll just be a few minutes!”

I finish my “business,” wash my hands, and head out the door.

Woman: “Shame on you! You shouldn’t be using that toilet!”

Me: “Um…”

Woman: “Pensioners might need it!”

I look around. There are no people, let alone any pensioners, nearby.

Woman: “You should always leave them for pensioners! Honestly! You young people have no respect for the elderly!”

She walked out, nearly colliding with an elderly man coming in the opposite direction, but failed to notice him!

I upgrade laptop computers for civil servants. When I took the work, I had this image of public sector employees being rude and entitled and was delighted when the opposite turned out to be true. I had never met so many people delighted to be of help.

It was too good to last. The rot set in slowly, with people doing exceptionally human things. Not reading important information. Panicking because they hadn’t read the information.

My most recent shift begins with two clients who want things done their way. I don’t have that kind of authority. I get handed a work order, and I’m prohibited from helping anyone until I have that paperwork.

Me: “Hello, I’m [My Name]. I’m here to upgrade your laptop.”

[Client #2] starts raising her hands and waving them frantically.

Client #1: “You’ll have to come back when I’m finished with this.”

Me: “Can you tell me when that might be?”

Client #1: “I really couldn’t say.”

[Client #2] continues to wave her hands, still sitting at her cubicle.

Me: *To [Client #2]* “Did you want something, ma’am?”

Client #2: “I need to take my computer home for the evening.”

Me: “That’s fine, go ahead. But if it’s not there, we don’t know when the upgrade will happen.”

Client #2: “Okay, wow, I’m just telling you. I can’t be at my desk tomorrow; I have to take this computer home.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll just tell the coordinator that.”

Client #2: “But I need a computer tomorrow. I guess it’ll have to be this one.”

I finally figure out that she thinks I can just give her the laptop I’m carrying. That’s not so. Each laptop is configured with the software the client is authorized to have, and every one so far has been different; there’s no “standard.” I haven’t told [Client #2] yet that I can’t do anything for her at all until I or another of our team is assigned her work order.

Me: “And that’s fine.”

Client #2: “Can’t you upgrade my computer now?”

Me: “Well, that takes about an hour, and—”

Client #2: “That’s fine. I’ll just wait until it’s done, and then I can go home.”

There were all sorts of reasons that was not going to work, and the paperwork was the least of them. I’m not in any sense a team lead, but we try to be as helpful as we can. If I got her details, I could ask my coordinator if he could dispatch a team member specifically with her paperwork. So, I got what my coordinator will need.

With the benefit of hindsight, I should have explained to [Client #2] immediately that every client is assigned a team member specifically, because when I got called away, [Client #2] was kind of huffy about it. When I came back a few minutes later, the team member who was assigned to her had arrived.

Our store has a strict policy about dealing with incorrect orders. Every manager knows the speech by heart and there are signs around our store and on our receipts.

A lady comes in during the lunch rush demanding a manager.

Manager: “You wanted to speak with a manager, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! All our food was wrong! The meat was cold and the buns hard as rocks and the fries were soggy and greasy! I need the whole thing replaced!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Do you have your receipt with you still?”

Customer: “I didn’t get a receipt! I came through the drive-thru.”

Manager: “Even so, unless you purposely drove off without your receipt, you would have received one.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t! I called and they said you’d fix it!”

Manager: “Okay, and when did this occur?”

Customer: “Two days ago.”

My manager pulls a big folder out and flips to a page. It is the book where all the call-in orders are recorded and kept track of.

Manager: “Okay, I see a couple of orders. Could you give me your full name and the name of the manager you spoke to?”

Customer: “It’s [My Name], and I don’t remember the manager’s name. It was a man.”

Manager: “Well, we only have one male manager that works in the evenings and he’s still out of the country. Are you sure this was two days ago? I can’t find any matching information.”

Customer: “Maybe it was four or five days ago. I can’t remember! Just fix my food; I have places to be!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I can’t find any indication of your order needing to be replaced. Our policy is very strict and if you had called in and talked to a manager, they would have taken down your information in this book, including the list of food to be replaced. They also would have given you their code to write on your receipt to bring in to prove you did speak to a manager. Since I can find none of those things, I can’t replace your order.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Since when has your policy been so strict?! I’ve never heard of this before! You idiots will be hearing from me again. I’ll call the store owner! I’ll call corporate and tell them you stole my money!”

Manager: “Ma’am, feel free to call the store manager, the store owner, and our corporate offices. They are all aware of our policy, seeing as it has been in effect for the past six years to prevent fraud. If that is all, ma’am, I need to return to my station.”

I’m in the outdoor dining area of a busy cafe when I overhear this:

Customer: “I’ll have eggs, please.”

Waiter: “Poached, scrambled, or fried?”

Customer: *Instantly defensive and angry* “No, I SAID EGGS!”

Waiter: *Without blinking an eye* “Poached, scrambled, or fried?”

Thankfully, the customer’s friends all burst out laughing at him, and he seemed to realise how rude he was to assume the server was trying to up-sell him anything.

From 10:00 to 11:00 am, we serve both breakfast and lunch. A lot of our combos numbers are the same for both breakfast and lunch.

Me: “Hi, how are you? What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a number four?”

Me: “All right, would you like breakfast or lunch?”

Customer: “Why does it matter?!”

Me: “One is breakfast and one is lunch.”

Customer: “I don’t see how this matters. I want to see your manager!”

In order to avoid conflict, I go to get my manager.

Manager: “What can I help you with, sir?”

Customer: “All I want to do is order some food, but this stupid girl keeps asking me dumb questions!”

Manager: “Well, what would you like?”

Customer: “A number four?”

Manager: “Breakfast or lunch?”

Customer: “Why does it matter?”

Manager: “Sir, one is a biscuit and one is a burger.”

The customer turned red, ordered a drink, and ran out of the store.