I Woke Up Today And Felt Like Complaining

, , | Right | March 22, 2008

Angry Man: “This is ridiculous! Look how small these cones are!”

Other Server: “Uh…?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Angry Man: “Yeah! Each time I come in here, the cones get smaller and smaller, and the scoops are tiny!”

Me: “Sir, those are standard-sized scoops. But if you’d like, I can add on a bit more ice cream.”

Angry Man: “It’s not about the ice cream! It’s the fact that you are taking money from people and making everything smaller. This is ridiculous! Don’t you feel ashamed?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… I’ll talk to my manager about that if you’d like.”

Angry Man: “Yeah, well, good!”

(He tries to toss the ice cream cone in the trash, but misses. He picks the cone up off the ground and throws it away. The other server and I try to keep from laughing.)

Angry Man: “You’ve just lost a customer for life!” *stalks out, red-faced*

Me & Other Server: “Wow…”

(In re-enters a customer with his son who I had just served moments before.)

Another Customer: “Don’t worry about that guy. He was just screaming at someone over at the next-door grocery store for not having the correct amount of bananas per bunch.”


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I Said, Zzzzip It

, , | Right | March 13, 2008

Customer: “I’m trying to add an FTP user, and I can’t figure out what to do.”

Me: “All right, sir. I see that this is on a server for which you declined a support contract. All I can do is direct you to the help center article that will instruct you how to do this; I can’t add it for you or walk you through it.”

Customer: “Look, all I’m trying to do is add an FTP user.”

Me: “Sir, when you purchased this server we offered a support contract, which you declined–”

Customer: “I just want to add an FTP user! You should be able to do that for me!”

Me: “–and when you declined the support contract, you had to click on a button to accept full responsibility for managing your server.”

Customer: “This isn’t a server management issue. I’m just trying to add an FTP user.”

Me: “Sir, true or false? You purchased this server from us.”

Customer: “True.”

Me: “You declined the support contract, true or false?”

Customer: “True.”

Me: “And you accepted full responsibility for managing the server, true or false?”

Customer: “True.”

Me: “…so, why are you asking me?”

Customer: “…” *click*

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | March 10, 2008

(A customer gives me a Canadian quarter. I refuse to accept it. He gets angry.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t accept this quarter. It’s Canadian.”

Customer: “So? I got it from somewhere in the US so you must accept it.”

Me: “No, sir, I can not. My drawer will come up short.”

Customer: “It’s not my fault someone gave me this quarter! Why should I take the blame for it? Take the quarter!”

Me: “Oh, I see. So it is my fault, then?”

Customer: “YES! Take the quarter!”

(I take a quarter out of my pocket and then throw that Canadian quarter across the room to a trash can.)

Customer: “Call your manager.”

Me: *smiling* “I am the owner, sir. How can I help you?”

 

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Behind Every Man Is An Embarassed Wife

, , , | Right | March 9, 2008

(Where I work, our dining room closes at 10:00 pm but the drive-thru stays open all night. I have just locked both the dining room doors when a man comes up and starts banging on the first door. We start talking through the door.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “You screwed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You could go through our drive-thru and they’d be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I just came through! They’re the ones that messed it up.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that; if you go through again they’ll fix it for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car!”

Me: “But you said you just went through?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have my car anymore.”

Me: “I can give you our store number. If you call, we’ll replace your order tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just open the door!”

Me: “I can’t sir; we’re closed.”

(The man then walks around the store to the second door and starts banging there.)

Me: “Sir, the only way we can fix this is if you go through the drive-thru or give us a call.”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone!”

Me: “You can save your receipt and show it to us tomorrow. We’ll replace the whole order.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

(He then enters the drive-thru on foot, weaving through cars in line, gets between the drive-thru window and a car waiting to order, and starts banging on the glass.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t open the window unless you’re in a car.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car anymore and you messed up my order. Tell your employees to open the door.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t unlock the doors once we’re closed. That’s our policy. If you return in the morning, we’ll be glad to help.”

Customer: “Don’t f*** with me. I’ll call the cops on you! You can’t refuse service to me!”

(Just then, a car pulls up behind him. The woman driving rolls down her window.)

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! It’s not that big a deal.”

Customer: “They won’t fix our order!”

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! This is f****** embarrassing!”

(The man gets in and the car pulls up to the window.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. All that happened was you forgot to give us a burrito.”

Manager: “We’ll get that for you right away.”

(As soon as the window was closed, the woman started yelling at the man again.)

 

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Always Right, Even When They’re At The Wrong Store

, , , | Right | March 8, 2008

(I worked this job over a year ago and got plenty of peachy customers. This is one that sticks with you, though.)

Customer: “I need to pick up my copy order.”

Me: “Sure thing, what’s the name on that?”

Customer: “[Customer], and it’s very important so it had better be right.”

(I proceed to the bins where we keep our completed orders and can’t find one and can’t find a work order sheet, and when I check our production log, nothing has been checked in.)

Me: “Erm… Sir, are you sure this is the correct location? I seem to be having trouble finding this order…”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. My wife dropped it off here. You’d better get off your a** and find it!”

(So, I keep looking over and over again. Meanwhile, he’s still telling me off and using much less than appropriate language. My supply-side manager had a bad night, so I am dead set on settling it myself.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not seeing it but I want to get your name again just to be sure.”

Customer: “You really are useless, aren’t you? The name is [Customer], stupid-a**. I’ll even call my wife and she can confirm it for you!”

(I cross my arms and wait patiently for him to make his call. It’s little surprise to me when he pales a little and hangs up.)

Customer: “It’s at [Other Store]… BUT IT’S STILL YOUR FAULT THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!”

(The customer stormed out.)

 

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