I receive an iced tea pitcher and a lemonade pitcher as gifts, but as I don’t drink either iced tea or lemonade, I opt to return them. They are both from the same store and have a gift receipt so I figure it will be easy.

Me: “I need to return these, please. Here are the gift receipts. Cash would be ideal, but store credit is okay.”

Cashier: “Why are you returning them?”

Me: “Oh, there’s nothing with them. I just don’t have any use for them.”

Cashier: “Well, if they’re working fine, why return them?”

Me: “Because I don’t want them.”

Cashier: “But why not just donate them?”

Me: “But I have the gift receipt right here.”

Cashier: “Isn’t it a little selfish to return a gift?”

After a pause to make sure I really heard that, I say:

Me: “I need to return these. Now.”

Cashier: *Grumbling* “Okay, but you could just donate them.”

This was years ago; I can’t remember if I was able to get cash or store credit, but I did get the full value indicated by the gift receipt for whichever option I was able to do.

I am twenty-one years old and manage a liquor store. This throws a lot of our customers off as I am the youngest person working there. I also look very young. An irate customer approaches my forty-year-old male coworker.

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager now!”

Coworker: “[My Name], come here, please. Someone wants to speak to you.”

Me: “What can I help you with today, sir?”

Customer: “You’re the manager? You can’t be! You’re a woman and you only look sixteen!”

Me: “Well, sir, I am the manager. Now, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “This guy says he won’t take back this bottle. I don’t want it. Someone said it was gross.”

Me: “We won’t take back that bottle. After it leaves the store, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s state law.”

The bottle he has is one of my favorite bottles of alcohol.

Customer: “Well, I don’t want it and I want my money back.”

He keeps ranting and raving for about another twenty minutes. My coworker walks to another register to take care of the line that’s building up behind him. A regular customer of mine, who also happens to be one of my close friends, gets tired of listening to this guy repeat himself and adds his own two cents.

Friend: “Listen, man, she’s said about twenty times she’s not going to give you your money back for that bottle. Now, why don’t you shut up and get the f*** out of here?”

The irate customer stares blankly at my friend for a good thirty seconds before he sheepishly picks up his bottle and hurries out of the store.

Friend: “Is that stuff really gross? Because it looked amazing.”

Me: “It is amazing. You should go see if he’ll give it to you.”

The other customers in the store had a good laugh about that.

I have gone to the hospital for my monthly blood test, due to some medication I have been taking. I have needed the toilet for some time but have held on as it was almost my turn in the queue. As soon as everything is done, I run to the toilet and close the door behind me. I have just sat down when…

Woman: *Knocking on the door* “Can you hurry up, please?”

Me: “I’ll just be a few minutes!”

I finish my “business,” wash my hands, and head out the door.

Woman: “Shame on you! You shouldn’t be using that toilet!”

Me: “Um…”

Woman: “Pensioners might need it!”

I look around. There are no people, let alone any pensioners, nearby.

Woman: “You should always leave them for pensioners! Honestly! You young people have no respect for the elderly!”

She walked out, nearly colliding with an elderly man coming in the opposite direction, but failed to notice him!

I upgrade laptop computers for civil servants. When I took the work, I had this image of public sector employees being rude and entitled and was delighted when the opposite turned out to be true. I had never met so many people delighted to be of help.

It was too good to last. The rot set in slowly, with people doing exceptionally human things. Not reading important information. Panicking because they hadn’t read the information.

My most recent shift begins with two clients who want things done their way. I don’t have that kind of authority. I get handed a work order, and I’m prohibited from helping anyone until I have that paperwork.

Me: “Hello, I’m [My Name]. I’m here to upgrade your laptop.”

[Client #2] starts raising her hands and waving them frantically.

Client #1: “You’ll have to come back when I’m finished with this.”

Me: “Can you tell me when that might be?”

Client #1: “I really couldn’t say.”

[Client #2] continues to wave her hands, still sitting at her cubicle.

Me: *To [Client #2]* “Did you want something, ma’am?”

Client #2: “I need to take my computer home for the evening.”

Me: “That’s fine, go ahead. But if it’s not there, we don’t know when the upgrade will happen.”

Client #2: “Okay, wow, I’m just telling you. I can’t be at my desk tomorrow; I have to take this computer home.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll just tell the coordinator that.”

Client #2: “But I need a computer tomorrow. I guess it’ll have to be this one.”

I finally figure out that she thinks I can just give her the laptop I’m carrying. That’s not so. Each laptop is configured with the software the client is authorized to have, and every one so far has been different; there’s no “standard.” I haven’t told [Client #2] yet that I can’t do anything for her at all until I or another of our team is assigned her work order.

Me: “And that’s fine.”

Client #2: “Can’t you upgrade my computer now?”

Me: “Well, that takes about an hour, and—”

Client #2: “That’s fine. I’ll just wait until it’s done, and then I can go home.”

There were all sorts of reasons that was not going to work, and the paperwork was the least of them. I’m not in any sense a team lead, but we try to be as helpful as we can. If I got her details, I could ask my coordinator if he could dispatch a team member specifically with her paperwork. So, I got what my coordinator will need.

With the benefit of hindsight, I should have explained to [Client #2] immediately that every client is assigned a team member specifically, because when I got called away, [Client #2] was kind of huffy about it. When I came back a few minutes later, the team member who was assigned to her had arrived.

Our store has a strict policy about dealing with incorrect orders. Every manager knows the speech by heart and there are signs around our store and on our receipts.

A lady comes in during the lunch rush demanding a manager.

Manager: “You wanted to speak with a manager, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! All our food was wrong! The meat was cold and the buns hard as rocks and the fries were soggy and greasy! I need the whole thing replaced!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Do you have your receipt with you still?”

Customer: “I didn’t get a receipt! I came through the drive-thru.”

Manager: “Even so, unless you purposely drove off without your receipt, you would have received one.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t! I called and they said you’d fix it!”

Manager: “Okay, and when did this occur?”

Customer: “Two days ago.”

My manager pulls a big folder out and flips to a page. It is the book where all the call-in orders are recorded and kept track of.

Manager: “Okay, I see a couple of orders. Could you give me your full name and the name of the manager you spoke to?”

Customer: “It’s [My Name], and I don’t remember the manager’s name. It was a man.”

Manager: “Well, we only have one male manager that works in the evenings and he’s still out of the country. Are you sure this was two days ago? I can’t find any matching information.”

Customer: “Maybe it was four or five days ago. I can’t remember! Just fix my food; I have places to be!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I can’t find any indication of your order needing to be replaced. Our policy is very strict and if you had called in and talked to a manager, they would have taken down your information in this book, including the list of food to be replaced. They also would have given you their code to write on your receipt to bring in to prove you did speak to a manager. Since I can find none of those things, I can’t replace your order.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Since when has your policy been so strict?! I’ve never heard of this before! You idiots will be hearing from me again. I’ll call the store owner! I’ll call corporate and tell them you stole my money!”

Manager: “Ma’am, feel free to call the store manager, the store owner, and our corporate offices. They are all aware of our policy, seeing as it has been in effect for the past six years to prevent fraud. If that is all, ma’am, I need to return to my station.”